Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.

"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM."
Signed, "The Blonde."

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed inside the bag with the cash was the following note....

"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

2007-06-15 01:14:02 · 8 answers · asked by HELOW BUDDY 1

2007-06-15 00:57:56 · 16 answers · asked by HELOW BUDDY 1

like, someone would say:

Chicken Wing:

moo.

something like that.

2007-06-15 00:33:04 · 10 answers · asked by Natty 3

just kidding but why do people do that?

2007-06-15 00:04:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

As I was going to St Ive's I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats. Each cat had seven kits, kits, cats, sacks and wives, how many were going to St Ives?

2007-06-14 23:23:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."

2007-06-14 23:14:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) I met a man with seven wives while I was going to a church. Each wife had seven sacks. Each sack had seven cats. Each cat had seven kittens. Now how many of them were going to the church?

2)Make a 5x5 grid.
Try to fill the grid with 1 to 25, the way the horse moves in the chess.

3)Three friends go to a hotel to eat. Each of them have Rs.10/- in their pocket. They order a rice plate to eat. The cost is Rs.25/-. They pay for it. The waiter gives them Rs.5/-back. they give Rs.2/- as tip to the waiter and they share the remaining 3 rupees equally(Re. For each).
Now, they each spent 9 rupees….
so the total comes to.........(9x3) + Rs.2 tip = 27 + 2 = 29.and not 30 (10x 3)

why so? Where is the remaining one rupee?

2007-06-14 21:44:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

An animal I am, a symbol of strength.
Wild, untamed, beautiful, people could go on at length!
About my ferocity, my gait, the pride in my walk,
If looks can kill, my eyes can definitely talk!
Unfortunately I am endangered, some of my species even extinct,
Because of men who hunt for my elusive power, using parts of me as tonic and liniment.
The last thing I can tell you about me,
I share a trait with the zebra, yet I'd eat one easily!

2007-06-14 20:57:50 · 14 answers · asked by PerFecT StrAngEr.. is back 6

What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their politics or religion, agree is between heaven and earth?

2007-06-14 19:25:32 · 8 answers · asked by Jassierra 3

777 X ur age X13 = ?

2007-06-14 19:19:33 · 32 answers · asked by raindrops 5

can somebody help me get out of floor 13...

Not of this world? Must be of an _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .

2007-06-14 18:33:00 · 8 answers · asked by mikulit 2

if i wanted a candy bar from america would i have to wrestle a fat person for it? or would i have to wrestle your mom for it?

2007-06-14 18:22:15 · 13 answers · asked by Suzie S 1

if practice makes perfect but nobodys perfect then why practice

2007-06-14 17:27:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 points to the weirdest one and it has to be true!

2007-06-14 17:13:00 · 21 answers · asked by lone_star_lass 2

I'm white, round, but not always around.
Sometimes I am half, sometimes I am whole, sometimes a slice of me is all you will know. Sometimes I am light, sometimes I am dark, sometimes I am both. Everyone wants to walk on me but only a few ever have...

2007-06-14 16:14:17 · 30 answers · asked by john m 1

That Thing
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."


Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."


At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

2007-06-14 16:10:10 · 9 answers · asked by KÖoÌSÍÄy€r5 - "S" 4 SÍ 4

New Watch
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.

Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."

2007-06-14 15:53:54 · 6 answers · asked by KÖoÌSÍÄy€r5 - "S" 4 SÍ 4

Okay so a farmer has 3 daughters who are all going out on the same night with 3 different guys. He is very protective of his daughters so he held a gun in his hand, just to show 'em who's boss. The first guy comes and says "My name is Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're getting some spaghetti, is she ready?" Betty runs downstairs and the farmer finds him innocent, so lets the 2 lovers go for spaghetti. The next guy rings the doorbell "Hi my name's Joe, im here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go??" Flo runs downstairs, and the farmer also finds him innocent, so he lets them go to the show. the third guy comes and says "Hi, my name's chuck...." and the farmer shoots him on the spot..

2007-06-14 15:48:11 · 12 answers · asked by Yisi 3

So there's this guy in a nursing home. And each night old Mrs. Henderson across the hall comes over, and holds his penis. One day he tells her to not come by anymore, he has another lady do it, the same thing, holding his penis. Mrs Henderson asks whats the difference?
The other lady has parkinsons

2007-06-14 15:33:34 · 11 answers · asked by fatal beauty 1

One afternoon, I was in the back yard hanging the
laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the
yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that
he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed
me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An
hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next
day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and
slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a
note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my
house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned
to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's
trying to catch up on his sleep."

2007-06-14 15:06:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. A man walks into the stadium carrying a large stick. A spectator sees him and asks "excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
"No I'm german," he replied. "But how did you know my name?"

2007-06-14 15:03:34 · 4 answers · asked by BeckV 2

If your hair was emo, it would cut itself

2007-06-14 14:57:18 · 13 answers · asked by CanadianGuitar 2

Are my testicles black?

A guy is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks "Are my testicles black?"

"I'm sorry but I'm not medical staff, I can't help you with that" she replies.

"Oh, please have a look for me, I'm really worried; Are my testicles black?"

Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff around, says "Alright, I'll have a look for you". She pulls back the bedcover, lifts his dick out of the way and, cupping his balls in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, "No, they look fine to me".

The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and says "I said, Are my test results back?"

My son found this joke, i think it's funny... Star if you do!

2007-06-14 14:39:36 · 14 answers · asked by HARMONYâ?«~â?«~â?«~* 4

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father. "

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? "

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand. "

25. And my favourite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

I hope you found them as funny as I did! Star if you find funny!!!

2007-06-14 14:25:53 · 7 answers · asked by HARMONYâ?«~â?«~â?«~* 4

Once there was this blonde walking down the street and she saw an electronic store.
"OMG look at the tvs in the window, they have a ton of buttons. THey must be great!"
So she wwent in to talk to the salesguy.
"Hi, I want one of the tvs from the front window."
"SOrry we don't sell to blondes."
So she died her hair red and came back the next day.
"I want the tv in the window."
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes."
So, copying Britney, she shaved her head.
"I want the tv in the front window."
"I'm sorry we don't sell to blondes."
She was fed up!
"I died my hair red & then shaved it off. How do you know I"m a blonde?"
"We only have microwaves in the front window."

Pass it on, embrace your true self.

Love,
Country Cutie

2007-06-14 14:09:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others my son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free.

The second man said, My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, my son is a stock broker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.

The fourth man decided to joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied .Well my son is gay. I'm not totally thrilled about it but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."

2007-06-14 14:03:22 · 13 answers · asked by sweets 1

2007-06-14 13:41:45 · 15 answers · asked by The Baboon Of Destiny 5

Can you think of any others?

2007-06-14 13:26:47 · 14 answers · asked by You can call me Rob 6

There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world.

Well the first guy says, "I think a Concord Jet is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of sound."

Well the second guy says, "Well I think I got you beat on that one! I think lightning is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of light and sound."

Well the third guy says, "Well I believe i have both of you beat. The brain is the fastest thing in the world, because whenever you need something, it is right there for you."

Well the fourth guys clearly states, "Well I have got you all beat! I think the anal sphincter muscle is the fastest thing in the world."

The other three guys say really? Why's that?

And the fourth guys says, "Well I was on a Concord Jet, it got struck by lightning, and I didn't know what to do ... so I poo my pants

2007-06-14 13:24:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Question: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Answer: Open up the fridge, put the elephan inside, and close the fridge.

Question: The lion king is holding an animal meeting. All of the animals attended except one animal. What animal was it?
Answer: The elephant, you put him in the fridge.

Question: you are walking until you come to a river where crocodiles live. How do you get across?
Answer: Just swim across because the crocodiles are at the animal meeting.

Its a little dumb and kidish but it always makes me smile.

2007-06-14 13:22:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous