Jokes & Riddles - May 2007

Anything really. Just something funny.

2007-05-29 10:47:31 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just asked the lady in my life for her hand in marriage...she replied "what's wrong with the rest of me?

2007-05-29 10:06:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once there was a teacher and 3 of her students were late 4 school including the new kid. the first kid walks in and she asks where were u? and he said playing on top of Blueberry Hill. Then the second kid comes in and the teacher asked the same question and the kid said Playing on top of BlueBerryHill and then the new girl comes i and says Hi,my name is blueberry hill!

2007-05-29 09:57:41 · 11 answers · asked by xXAquaHippoXx 1

2007-05-29 09:49:51 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

It’s not surprising that youngster, trying to get better view of (reed or is it reef) from boat, should fall into water.

Pick the word that fits best reed or reef!

2007-05-29 09:30:41 · 12 answers · asked by J H 1

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of
the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it
onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if
I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money?" "
Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs
up to the parking lot of the football stadium.Each time there's a
game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my
flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and
each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I
say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the
way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....

2007-05-29 09:18:08 · 9 answers · asked by Groovy 3

Read this Out Loud

Im Sofa King
We Tar did


hehe .how long did it take u

2007-05-29 09:07:30 · 10 answers · asked by lancasterangel03 2

my family has two cars, three bikes, and one tricycle. how many wheels do we own?
a. 4
b.17
c.19

2007-05-29 09:05:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Mormon was seated next to an Australian on a flight from
London to
Melbourne.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and
placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a
drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen
whores
than let liquor touch my lips."

The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and
said, "Me
too. I didn't know we had a choice."

2007-05-29 08:54:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-29 08:51:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-29 08:43:52 · 9 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

A father gives one son 6 cents, and then he gives his other son 19 cents. WHAT TIME IS IT?

2007-05-29 08:31:01 · 8 answers · asked by ? 2

Which would you rather choose?

2007-05-29 08:21:40 · 9 answers · asked by MSW2010 4

Three men rent a hotel room together. The cost is $30, so each pays ten. However when they get to the room, they are disappointed with its size, so they call down to the front desk. The manager agrees to refund some of their money, and he gives the bellhop $5 to return to them. The bellhop can't figure out how to divide five dollars among three men, so he gives each man $1 and keeps $2 for himself.

So, the men have paid $27 dollars in total. The bellhop kept $2. But 27 plus 2 is only $29; what happened to the other dollar?

2007-05-29 08:17:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

my mate who is a chef said that you could keep a chicken in the freezer for 3 months.i said no way i put one in my freezer last night and it was dead this morning.what do chefs know eh?

2007-05-29 08:13:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-29 08:02:43 · 15 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

She is awful, mean, and in controll of me! The details: some things limit me because I am the secretary..... or maybe they could benefit me. Any good ideas??
I'm telling you this woman has short man syndrome and was obviosly a loser in Highschool but never got over it. HELP!

2007-05-29 06:01:27 · 14 answers · asked by Tank Girl 2

2007-05-29 05:58:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

2007-05-29 05:53:32 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Teh Answerz Mafia

2007-05-29 05:43:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog?

LoL it's a hard one

2007-05-29 05:07:19 · 28 answers · asked by NYC-BIGCAT 5

Me and my girlfriend found fresh road kill in the middle of the road last night, so she grabbed it by the leg and we ran with it and layed it across our gullible neighbors steps.
We then called him and told him "our new pet rabbit" escaped and was headed towards his house and could he please check.

We asked him to stay on the phone with us when he checked, and sure enough there was our little rabbit.

He got super pissed at first, then admitted it was funny, then got pissed again and hung up on us... What do you think? (I obviosly think its funny)
Also if your going to say Me and my friend are immature, yeah your right we are. lol

2007-05-29 05:02:40 · 6 answers · asked by Tank Girl 2

like a website i need to laugh off my pain i have inside

2007-05-29 04:44:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-29 04:31:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company
someday.

2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to
budget cuts.

3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by
killing all those who opposed them.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. If at first you don't succeed--try management.

7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

8. Never quit until you have another job.

9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

10. Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

11. Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.

12. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and
people who don't work here anymore.

Hope you enjoy ;-)

2007-05-29 04:24:24 · 2 answers · asked by chloe1st 4

Q) How do u get 4 gays to sit on a stool?

A) Turn the stool upside down.

2007-05-29 04:23:31 · 8 answers · asked by Daniel_Walton 3

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

2007-05-29 04:19:14 · 11 answers · asked by vegasbrother98 3

A drunkard went home too late every night, his wife decided to do something that could let her husband forsake drinking. In a dark night, she dressed as a horrible devil and hided in the road side, when her husband was passing here, she jumped out. The drunkard asked " who are you?", she answered "i am the devi...l". The drunkard replied " sure? okay, go home with me, i have married with your sister,.."

2007-05-29 04:12:23 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.

Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"

Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

2007-05-29 04:11:43 · 7 answers · asked by vegasbrother98 3

> > >The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
> > >After they got their tent all set up, both men quickly went sound
asleep.
> > >Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo
Sabe, look
> > >towards sky, what you see?"
> > >
> > >The Lone Ranger replies,
> > >"I see millions of stars."
> > >
> > >"What that tell you?"
> > >asks Tonto.
> > >
> > >The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically
speaking,
> > >it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of
> > >planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time
wise, it
> > >appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
> > >Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
significant.
> > >Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it
> > >tell you, Tonto?"
> > >
> > >"You dumber than buffalo ****. Someone stole the tent."

2007-05-29 04:10:35 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous