Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

You come to a haunted house and you find that the electricity is down. You find a door that gives you a math problem. It is 3 times 7. If you chose 21 you may pass. You come up to the door of truth. Say out loud your deepest darkest secret. The door opens. You come to the door of strenght. What are the least wiehgts you can carry. If you answered 2.5 lbs you are right. The door opens.
You come to the door of knowledge. Say all 26 letters. The door opens. You come to the door of death and disease. If you choose disease you still come to the death door so............. You must choose one of the following doors for death. Being eaten by a very hungry lion, the dreadful electric chair, a pool full of pirahnas, or lethal injection. Which door would you choose?

2007-04-13 10:33:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was in an interview. He had claimed he was abducted by aliens and they took him to the moon. "I heard hammering going on, and I found out that the aliens were building a secret club house," he said. Everyone immediately knew he was lying. Why?

2007-04-13 10:29:47 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-13 10:27:50 · 11 answers · asked by Ho Say Liao 2

2007-04-13 10:26:38 · 7 answers · asked by Ho Say Liao 2

Two men get talking in a bar and after a couple of drinks one says to the other,

"Listen Karl, if you woke up in the morning with a sore a*se, would you tell anyone about it?"

"No," replies Karl.

"How do you fancy going camping with me this weekend?"

2007-04-13 10:25:44 · 11 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

French flies and a diet Croak!

:-D

2007-04-13 10:24:03 · 19 answers · asked by M 6

2007-04-13 10:23:07 · 10 answers · asked by Ho Say Liao 2

A baby seal walks into a club.

2007-04-13 10:20:32 · 45 answers · asked by Someone who cares 7

A horse is tied to a 20 foot long rope. The horse wants to get some water that is 25 feet away. The horse gets the water easily. How is this?

2007-04-13 10:19:56 · 9 answers · asked by Ho Say Liao 2

Three men( English, French, and Irish) are stranded on an island and caught by canibals. The canibals tie the men to trees and say "we are going to skin you alive, eat you, and use your skin for our canoes. But first we will grant you one wish." The English man says, " I want my right hand free and a sword". They give it to him and he says " long live the queen" and kills himself. The French man says "I want my right hand free and a sword". They give it to him and he says "long love the king and kills himself. They ask the Irish man what his wish is and he says "I want my right hand free and a fork". Puzzled they give it to him and he says "F**K YOUR CANOES"!

2007-04-13 09:53:13 · 10 answers · asked by bluntman 1

in "through the looking glass" i think
was there ever an answer to it??
i read the book,got the casettes and watched the films but never heard what the snswer was!lol

2007-04-13 09:52:04 · 9 answers · asked by Saber 5

Now the glue's stuck to my wrists and won't come off.I've tried just about everything and it's been there for 3 days.How do I get it off?

2007-04-13 09:51:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok...this my sound wiered but help me...there is this girl i like in my year at skl and i dont want to tell her i love her so can sum 1 give me a complicated riddle to give her so i can get the feeling i've told her of my chest and be a little happier...
do u understarn?
ok..if you do please help!

2007-04-13 09:42:28 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) What's you name?
2) Two pieces of charcoal and a carrot lie in the middle of a field. How?
3) Two people look exactly the same, but they're not twins. How?
4) Say what you see. midSTUCKdle
5) A man is in a train. The train goes into a tunnel. The train comes out of the tunnel. The man is dead. How?
6) Say what you see. CIE
7) A man jumps through a 99th floor window because he hates his job. He survives the jump. How?
8) A man lies dead near a pile of sawdust. How?
9) 1=5, 2=25, 3=125, 4=625,5= ???
10) A woman proves in court that her husband was murdered by her sister, but the judge decides that the sister cannot be punished. Why?
11) 1...2...5...14...41...122...?
12) How did John get his name in light at every theater in the country?
14) What does a chair have in common with my dog?
15) Why didn't Charlie like the chair they gave him for his birthday?
16) If triangle->square, hexagon->????
17) Now answer question 1 only!!! answer all the questions=10 points maybe

2007-04-13 09:32:10 · 26 answers · asked by Oz 4

i made this one up my self

2007-04-13 09:31:59 · 15 answers · asked by matt 3

Two fellas are doing construction on a house. One of them, nailing down panels on the side of the house, repeatedly reaches into his nail pouch, pulls out a nail, then either tosses it over his shoulder or nails it into the panel.

The other builder asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?” The first fella explained: “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed towards me, I throw it away ’cos it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, I nail it into the panel.”

The second builder was outraged. “You moron!” he yelled! “The nails pointed towards you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”

2007-04-13 07:53:45 · 8 answers · asked by richard_beckham2001 7

Any random guess will do..................

Thanks!

God Bless!

2007-04-13 07:53:09 · 41 answers · asked by Apfel 3

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee,
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued..
"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,"





"I would have been released today!

2007-04-13 06:51:02 · 13 answers · asked by LONE WOLF 1

He then pulls out a 9 inch man in tux and tails who sits at the piano and plays a selection by Bach beautifully. The bar tender is shocked, amazed and curious and asks the man where on earth he got this little person. The man tells the bar tender that he was on a beach and found a bottle. When he rubbed the bottle a genie came out and granted him a wish. The bar tender asked him what he wished for. The man said "the darn fool thought I asked for a 9 inch pianist".

2007-04-13 06:30:57 · 8 answers · asked by lilith663 6

2007-04-13 05:56:03 · 20 answers · asked by Lori J 2

me and my friend were wondering

2007-04-13 05:24:23 · 30 answers · asked by ( |-| 3 r R y 2

2007-04-13 04:48:00 · 9 answers · asked by imu2much 1

But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it?

2007-04-13 04:32:57 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-13 04:11:34 · 12 answers · asked by Veruca Salt 6

A young teenager comes home from school and excitedly asks her mother,

"Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. . . . . .

"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

2007-04-13 03:45:41 · 12 answers · asked by ari-pup 7

The FBI needed to recruit some top notch female agents.
After several tests and a gruelling selection process, it was
narrowed down to 3 women !
FBI agent: Ladies, this is the final test, we need to make sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. I will give you each a gun, behind that
door is your husband sitting on a chair, you must go in and kill him !
1st candidate: Are you serious, I could never kill my husband!
FBI agent: Then you are not what we are looking for !
2nd candidate: Enters the room and comes back out with tears in her eyes. 'I tried, but I just couldn't kill my husband!'
FBI agent: Then you are not what we are looking for !
3rd candidate: Enters the room, you could hear gunfire, things smashing against the walls, furniture being broken and then after a few minutes, total silence !
She walks out, wipes the sweat from her forehead and says "Who's the idiot that put blanks in the gun, I had to finish him off with the chair !"

2007-04-13 03:38:02 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

How do you make a pound of fat look attractive ?




Put a nipple on it.

star if funny

2007-04-13 03:27:31 · 16 answers · asked by thewokinn 1

He ran down the street with his yoke hanging out!!!!!
(gimme a break it was the first 'dirty' joke i ever heard and i still rem it..... its funny when your 12)

2007-04-13 02:53:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

By placing Velcro on their Head-Rests.

2007-04-13 02:27:09 · 17 answers · asked by EZMZ 7

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.
Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun,
called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who
created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was sitting behind
her, took out his pencil and jabbed her in the butt. "God Almighty!"
shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching
her class. A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord And
Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny
came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..." What did Eve Say to Adam after she
had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue with his
#2 pencil. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'm going to break it
in half!" The nun fainted....

2007-04-13 02:25:48 · 26 answers · asked by ? 5