Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

2007-03-07 22:17:39 · 17 answers · asked by princess 3

A man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their 1st wedding anniversary, so her decides to buy her a mobile phone.
He shows it to her and explains all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping, her phone rings, it's her husband. "Hi honey, how do you like your new phone?
"It's great," she replies "it's so small yet your voice is crystal clear but theres just one thing"
"Yes sweetheart?" asks the husband. The blonde asks "How did you know I was in the supermarket?"

2007-03-07 22:17:32 · 15 answers · asked by baby_CSJ_ xxx 2

Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around a supermarket when
they collide.

The first bloke says to the second bloke, "Sorry about that. I'm
looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I
was going".

The second bloke says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for
my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate".

The first bloke says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does
your wife look like"?

The second bloke says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, 5 feet 11 inches tall,
with blonde hair, blue eyes, big jubblies, long legs and is wearing tiny
little shorts and a crop top.

What does your wife look like"?

The first bloke says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

2007-03-07 22:08:07 · 14 answers · asked by Greybeard 7

The Chinese... BU... Chu... and Fu.... moved to USA....
Bu---became Buck.........Chu---became Chuck while FU went back to China

2007-03-07 22:01:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Marriage Jokes

You Don't Need to Be a Weatherman...
It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.

2007-03-07 21:56:18 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS"

2007-03-07 21:55:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Santa Singh was once a Zoo in-charge. On a Zoo holiday, he took a truck and went into Zoo to find everything in order. Surprisingly he din't see the Tiger in the den and about to walk in. Suddenly the tiger started chasing him. With great difficulty, he got into truck and moved further.

But, the tiger not stopped to chase him. How did he escaped.............



While driving, the road divided into two. So he put left indicator and turned to right side. ESCAPE.............

2007-03-07 21:47:57 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"


"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

2007-03-07 21:41:34 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

2007-03-07 21:38:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I mean in the 1st movie they showed those things that grow on his hand...and he starts climbing the walls...but how can he do it when he's wearing his costume?the costume will be covering it !

2007-03-07 21:15:04 · 8 answers · asked by abk_aps 1

The beautiful lady taking the class says to them.
"If you can say where you're from without stuttering I'll give you a bl0w job!"
Mick goes first and say"C-C-C-Cork!"
Sean says "D-D-Dublin"
Pat says"London"
The lady gets down and does the business.
As Pat cl!maxes he shouts "d-d-d-d-derry!"

2007-03-07 21:11:52 · 15 answers · asked by Louis Junior. 4

I am opening a beauticians which will have in it facilities for waxing, makeup, eyelash and brow tinting and eyelash perming, facials, manicures and pedicures, body massages, holistic therpy, hot stones ect, and a nail techinician quarters for acrylic, gel and fibreglass nials and nail art.
I need to think of a name for my salon as it opens in a month and need to get a sign made and leaflets made to put out before I open, I have found a few names but before I make any of them permanant thought maybe somebody can give me any better ones!! Theres lots of rivalry by me and I need to be eye catching!! Cheers to anyone who answers!
Thanks, from Caroline (",) x x x

2007-03-07 21:08:51 · 23 answers · asked by baby_CSJ_ xxx 2

Says to the man behind the counter.
"I'd like this dress dry cleaned"
"Come again madam" says the hard of hearing assistant.
The lady blushes and says "I think you'll find it's yoghurt this time!"

2007-03-07 21:03:08 · 22 answers · asked by Louis Junior. 4

She says to her husband "My legs are fat, my belly is fat, my bottom and b00bs have gone south and my hair is going grey and dry, please pay me a compliment!"

"There's nothing wrong with your eyesight, honey!" he says.

2007-03-07 20:59:01 · 22 answers · asked by Louis Junior. 4

2007-03-07 20:57:40 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-07 20:56:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

one gose oooo ooooh aaah ahaah ooo ahhh the other looks up and says if its to hot put some cold water in then

2007-03-07 20:53:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is at the begining of eternity, at the end of time and space, and the begining of the end, and at the end of every race?

2007-03-07 20:24:48 · 15 answers · asked by lilmthead 3

theres this island where everyone is devided into catagories depending on if their bald, or have hair.
the bald ones ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS lie, never tell a single truth.
the ones with hair ALWAYS tell the truth.
so this guy floats up in a boat, and its dark, and he can only see 3 guys on the shore, he cant tell if their bald or not.
so he yells: "are you bald or do you have hair?" and he cant hear what the first guy says. the second says: "he says he has hair, and hes right" the third says: "no, hes lying, I have hair"

which guys are bald and which have hair?

2007-03-07 20:19:09 · 9 answers · asked by Sanwi 3

he asked what is the sickest joke you ever heard so i answerd with one not as sick as whats on the answers and got reported should he be reported for encitement? well asking questions that will get people reported his question is still there

2007-03-07 20:17:33 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

You found yourself on an Island with two tribes, one tribe is full of liars and cannibals, the other is full of people who tell the truth and will help you get rescued.

You are on the beach trying to get to the good tribe, and you see a member of a tribe and you don't know which tribe they belong to. What exactly do you say to them? Baring in mind if it's someone from the bad tribe he will lead you to his tribe and you will get eaten!

Choose your words carefully...

2007-03-07 20:06:27 · 9 answers · asked by Sai~ 3

A bear walks into a pub. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a ..............coke."
The bartender asks, "why the big pause"
the bear holds his hand in front of his face, and says?

2007-03-07 19:44:15 · 15 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

2007-03-07 19:36:43 · 10 answers · asked by Laura Palmer 5

Put some hate mail for me in this one.

2007-03-07 19:03:24 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-07 18:46:47 · 16 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

2007-03-07 18:27:00 · 23 answers · asked by colin050659 6

To my darling husband,
>
> Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know
> about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into
> the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so
> please don't worry too much about me.
>
> I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
> accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The
> garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt
> when it bumped into your car.
>
> I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
> forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart
> I am enclosing a picture for you.
>
> I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
>
> Your loving wife.
> XXX
>
> P.S. Your girlfriend called.

2007-03-07 18:23:08 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

I prefer the blonde...and you?

2007-03-07 18:21:33 · 17 answers · asked by DVEIRUK 3

WHEN WAS MEDICINE 1st MENTIONED IN THE BIBLE
WHEN GOD GAVE MOSES 2 TABLETS

2007-03-07 18:19:40 · 16 answers · asked by colin050659 6

Iam not asking whether you can solve it or not but rather can you show me how you solved it
so PLEASE post solutions only

There are 6 Dots set-up as so:
(with gaps in between each of the dots)


* * *

* * *


Now, try to connect one dot to the others, the first bottom dot with 3 lines connecting it to each of the top 3 dots, then the second bottom dot with 3 lines connecting it to each of the top 3 dots and so forth with the last bottom 3rd dot

You can do it by using lines, curves, twists, or whatever to make it happen.

THE CATCH:
no line is to intersect or touch each other at any area or time



I am not sure what this puzzle is called, but if you know the name, please tell me! TY if you have a solution that would be appreciated too!

BTW, only einstein was the first to solve it!




You can't cross over any line, you can only connect each dot to all the other dots using lines and curves.

you can email me your solution at reddragon71690@yahoo.com

2007-03-07 18:18:07 · 4 answers · asked by sp4cemanspiff 2