Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

WHO WAS A FAMOUS ACTOR IN THE BIBLE?
SAMSON HE BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN

2007-03-07 18:17:39 · 22 answers · asked by colin050659 6

HERE LIES A MAN FROM MY PAST
WHO I FIND OUT IS DEAD AT LAST
BELOW ME HE LAYS
AT THE END OF HIS DAYS
NO I SEEN THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS

2007-03-07 18:13:14 · 11 answers · asked by colin050659 6

It was a few minutes before the services started.

The congregation was seated in the pews and talking quietly.

Without warning, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for an exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman.

He sat calmly, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in front of him.

Satan walked right up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the old gentleman.

"Do you know I can kill you with a single word?", asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Don't you realize that I could cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And yet you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me"?

The old man looked Satan right in the eye and calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 52 years."

2007-03-07 18:11:47 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life.

The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's that?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the wall light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma.... "

2007-03-07 18:10:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just reported from the Associated Press:

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this 2007 Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men or a virgin in the Nation's capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough arses to fill the stable.

2007-03-07 18:09:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

THE KEY TO THE CORRECT ANSWER: BE CREATIVE!

2007-03-07 18:05:33 · 80 answers · asked by yeah sure whatever 3

A husband and wife are having a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

2007-03-07 18:00:21 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-07 17:54:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

2007-03-07 17:40:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I've heard, I believe two instances of this joke (one in the Sopranos) and another somewhere else ) but on the beginning/setup of it. I was wondering if anyone knew the end/rest/punchline of it. Ok here it goes:

"What does one prick say to the other prick?"

OR SIMILARLY
"What does the first prick say to the second prick?"

2007-03-07 17:39:28 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-07 17:27:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

what do you call a vampire who's car breaksdown three miles from the bloodbank; A CAB

or what do you call a vampire that needs to go to the bloodbank,

A CAB?

i dont understand how thats funny?
help?

2007-03-07 17:25:37 · 8 answers · asked by xBa.ll.eRx 2

2 BLONDES WALK INTO A BUILDING..... WOULDN'T YOU THINK AT LEAST ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE SEEN IT??

2007-03-07 17:24:44 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Iam not asking whether you can solve it or not but rather can you show me how you solved it
so PLEASE post solutions only

There are 6 Dots set-up as so:
(with gaps in between each of the dots)


* * *

* * *


Now, try to connect one dot to the others, the first bottom dot with 3 lines connecting it to each of the top 3 dots, then the second bottom dot with 3 lines connecting it to each of the top 3 dots and so forth with the last bottom 3rd dot

You can do it by using lines, curves, twists, or whatever to make it happen.

THE CATCH:
no line is to intersect or touch each other at any area or time



I am not sure what this puzzle is called, but if you know the name, please tell me! TY if you have a solution that would be appreciated too!

BTW, only einstein was the first to solve it!




You can't cross over any line, you can only connect each dot to all the other dots using lines and curves.

you can email me your solution at reddragon71690@yahoo.com

2007-03-07 17:09:56 · 3 answers · asked by sp4cemanspiff 2

2007-03-07 16:57:44 · 3 answers · asked by kiz600 1

"Be positive, not realistic!"


LOL
all friends and family thought it was hilarious.
it just came to me.

2007-03-07 16:44:46 · 18 answers · asked by LOVE♥ 1

The basic priciples of supply and demand apply here. With a near unlimited suply of shells for free, she would make hardly any money by the sea shore. Also, What would be a better place to sell sea shells?

2007-03-07 16:38:43 · 13 answers · asked by sasukechaos 2

Please don't say husband, wife, kids, or parents because I know that's a lie.

2007-03-07 16:19:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think thats how you spell it.

2007-03-07 16:08:05 · 17 answers · asked by ♥♥♥ H☮TMAMA ♥♥♥ 3

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."

2007-03-07 16:04:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

clues:
gyro
heart
galaxy
hurricane
Gods outstretched arm
measurement of the temple
national semi conductor logo

2007-03-07 15:52:22 · 6 answers · asked by jasonsghost 1

ok it goes like....come my baby come come my baby your my sugar pie honey baby.you make my legs shake you make me go crazy. something like that it has been stuck in my head for weeks help!!

2007-03-07 15:51:12 · 11 answers · asked by partyprincess8186 2

Only a GEORGIAN could think of this... from the county where drunk driving is
considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Savannah, Georgia.

After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he
could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes,
with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles,
the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few
minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry
summer night) -- flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked
the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a
few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes
as some more of the other patron vehicles left.

At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started
to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all
this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and
promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having
consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask
you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must
be broken."

"I doubt it." said the truly proud Redneck.
"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

2007-03-07 15:48:50 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Im in need of a good laugh. I just worked 18 hours at dialysis

2007-03-07 15:45:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Riddle:
Upon the hill there sits a yellow house; Inside the yellow house there is a cream house; Inside the cream house there is a pink house; And inside the pink house there's a lot of little white babies.
Answer: ?

2007-03-07 15:40:37 · 13 answers · asked by lvlambs 2

show your answer

2007-03-07 15:39:44 · 15 answers · asked by Ice 1

2007-03-07 15:39:04 · 8 answers · asked by roy camargo 1

i turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.

2007-03-07 15:27:37 · 14 answers · asked by Lauren S 1

the other egg says" This is nothing in three minutes they beat you over the head with a spoon"

2007-03-07 15:26:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A plane crashes on the United States - Canada border. Where are the survivors buried?

2007-03-07 14:59:11 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous