Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

2007-02-07 13:30:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Part 1:
There is a plane traveling from New York to Canada at 300 MPH, but unfortunately just as it reaches the border between New York and Canada, it crashes into a mountain. Where do they bury the survivors, in New York, or in Canada?
Part 2:
Standing in an open pasture are a Papa bull and a Baby bull, which member of the family is missing?
Part 3:
This part of the test involves numbers. You're the driver of a bus. You stop on a corner and pick up 3 people. At the second stop 2 people get off and 5 people get on. At the next stop 7 people get on and 4 people get off. At the fourth stop, 7 people get on and 6 people get off. Finally, at the last stop, 3 people get on and 5 people get off. How old is the bus driver?
Part 4:
Which is correct: Five and four are eight, or five and four is eight?
Part 5:
How many members of each type of animal did Moses take on the ark?

2007-02-07 13:29:41 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Say this out loud.

I am sofa king we Todd did!

2007-02-07 13:21:14 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

For all you people My best answer is no. There has been water, time, pressure. But think about it Kindergadeners can figure it out NO is the most and formost correct answer

2007-02-07 13:18:36 · 17 answers · asked by mikey_love_13 1

2007-02-07 13:16:40 · 8 answers · asked by ? 4

Three friends go in to a hotel. Their room is $30. Each person pays $10. Later the manager discovered they had been overcharged, the room was only $25. HE gives the $5 to the bellboy to give to the three friends. THe bellboys says to himself" How do I Divide $5 by three people?" He gives them each a dollar back and keeps the remaining two to himself. Each has now paid $9 , right? SO.. if 25(they paid)+3( they got back)+2(he kept) is $30, Why is 9*3(what each paid)=27+2(he kept) is only 29? Where did the other dollar go?

2007-02-07 13:01:13 · 16 answers · asked by myheart20061018 2

would you like to play a game?

2007-02-07 12:57:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

And the bird wanted it!!! bad bird!!!!

2007-02-07 12:57:42 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

how'd you get an elephant out of a subway?

well you take the 's' out of 'sub'
and
take the 'f' out of 'way'

2007-02-07 12:52:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am all red not a flower and not a pen i can be used in poems or love note if you can guess what i am you are very smart. (HINT:the "o" in xoxo is a part of what its for

2007-02-07 12:48:47 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

example: one guy says whats that and the other person would say its YO MAMMA OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH burn!

2007-02-07 12:47:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

CROCODILE RIVER
There are 3 blondes.
There's a river they have to cross that has crocodiles in it.
On the other side was a genie that granted each of them one wish.
The 1st blonde wish she could swim so she swam really fast in the river,
eventually she got tired and got eaten.
The 2nd blonde wished she could fly
So she flew and also got tired and fell in the river who also got eaten.
And the 3rd wished she was a brunette and walked over the bridge.

2007-02-07 12:45:43 · 15 answers · asked by best.ninja.ever 1

2007-02-07 12:41:09 · 13 answers · asked by amulya 2

If you have 5 ice cubes and 2 melted, How many ice cubes do you have left?

2007-02-07 12:40:03 · 12 answers · asked by Bruins Fan 6

You know those things ppl say like make like a tree and leave. Got anymore? I Have:

Make like a tom and cruise

make like a banana and split

make like a stocking and run(stupid)

2007-02-07 12:39:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What has 8 legs, 2 arms, 2 wings, 3 tails, and can hop fast?

2007-02-07 12:28:19 · 16 answers · asked by YaYa 3

What is white when its dirty but black when clean?
first correct answer is the best answer

2007-02-07 12:23:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

What would you do if you are in the middle of taking a dump and a big earthquick came (8.5) and your house was falling down and the roof was coming down. then you realized that you are out of toilet paper and you had less than 2 min. to get out of the house. what would you do????

2007-02-07 12:22:28 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the best your mama joke ever?

2007-02-07 12:16:21 · 11 answers · asked by jOhAn 3

what is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

2007-02-07 12:15:29 · 7 answers · asked by jOhAn 3

she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
Proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

  SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

2007-02-07 12:14:57 · 3 answers · asked by Stinging Dragon 4

I have 2 Brain Teasers 4 U.
1. There are two identical twin babies
But they are one year apart
How could that be?
2. A police man saw a truck driver go completely the wrong way!
But he didn't stop him.
Why?

2007-02-07 12:08:46 · 14 answers · asked by best.ninja.ever 1

There is a barn somewhere in the middle of nowhere
And inside the barn is a man hanged.
There's a rope attached to ceiling which is about 30ft. high.
and the walls are 24ft. apart.
And the man's feet is atleast 2ft. off the ground.
And there is a puddle of water only a foot away.
The man also hanged himself.
But how?
There's also a puddle of wa

2007-02-07 11:56:16 · 15 answers · asked by best.ninja.ever 1

A man was seriously ill in hospital so his family called their priest to offer him comfort. As the priest stood at the side of the bed the man started thrashing around frantically and turning blue.
"I think he wants to tell us something," said the priest, "get him a piece of paper."
Within moments, he'd written something on the paper and handed it back to the priest but before it could be read, the poor man died!
Some time later, as the bereaved family left the hospital, the priest suddenly remembered the piece of paper that he'd put in his pocket.
"I think it may be the right time to read his last words," said the priest. "It says, get off the f**king oxygen pipe - you're standing on it."

2007-02-07 11:54:18 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Seven Degrees of Blondes

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were sleeping when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door...

2007-02-07 11:50:59 · 9 answers · asked by Stinging Dragon 4

What has 1 million legs but can't walk?

First correct answer or what I think is the funniest will get the 10 pts.

2007-02-07 11:48:49 · 18 answers · asked by rc flyer 1

shotgun you say.....?

2007-02-07 11:48:03 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 words total of 8 letters

2007-02-07 11:47:52 · 6 answers · asked by sumigirl143 1

I don't know the answer to this riddle, so I hope one of you does.

2007-02-07 11:45:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender points a gun at the man's head, instead. The man smiles, says "Thank you," and leaves. Why?

2007-02-07 11:44:44 · 5 answers · asked by crow t robot 2