Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

My Lady said I bet no one knows the answer to that. but I said you have not met all the nice people on yahoo answers yet they will know because they know lots and lots of things. but did you know The Lord is good. His love is forever, and his loyalty goes on and on. Psalm 100:5. the daft old man said we will see, and please do feel free to have a nice day and night. Tha't all folk's Do you feel lucky . Well Do You. Make my day. There you go. You can't be serious man.

2007-02-07 09:51:45 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

mine is: *youngest mother 5yrs old
*strange death - some guy died after he gave his elephant laxatives and it went to the toilet on him!

2007-02-07 09:50:17 · 12 answers · asked by all that jazz 3

2007-02-07 09:49:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

can anyone tell me how to make five dollars out of half dollars and quarters without using one dollar bill at all???

2007-02-07 09:49:10 · 8 answers · asked by geostrom b 4

2007-02-07 09:47:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

When asked about his birthday, a man said:

"The day before yesterday I was only 25 and next year I will turn 28."

This is true only one day in a year - when was he born?

2007-02-07 09:45:30 · 8 answers · asked by Mrs. Always Right 5

2007-02-07 09:44:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

because they still dont work in the future! hahahahaha

2007-02-07 09:31:29 · 17 answers · asked by [quarantine] 3

first off, im not a racist. im actually half mexican, half white. I just got into a ranking argument with a friend and she beat me, rematch is friday. HELP!!! i dont care if theyre super dirty, whatever. try not make them long jokes, insults would be better, thank you. PS: try not to involve family, but if you must go ahead

2007-02-07 09:22:22 · 4 answers · asked by Dark Angel 3

Red rum, sir, is murder.

Ma is as selfless as I am.

Nurse, I spy gypsies. Run!

A man, a plan, a canal - Panama.

He lived as a devil, eh?

2007-02-07 09:18:00 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes, do you want to have some FUN?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaims.

"Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and then learn to pray and worship."

So the next day the lady brings her parrots to the priest's house.

His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her parrots in and they say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?"

One of the male parrots looks over to the other male parrot and says "Put the Bibles away, lads, our prayers have been answered!"

2007-02-07 09:17:48 · 15 answers · asked by realstyles2 3

is making me ask a question sooo....why were her pupils so small?






















she was a kinderarten teacher.ha ha

2007-02-07 09:13:32 · 7 answers · asked by lose_it 4

There was a ventriloquist on stage telling all sorts of Dumb Blonde jokes. His dummy, named Bob, would ask questions such as "How do you kill a dumb blonde?" to which he would reply "I don't know, Bob, how do you kill a dumb blonde?", "Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!" and the crowd would roar with laughter! Finally after 45 minutes of these Dumb Blonde jokes, and young blonde stands up and starts ranting "You know!! It is because of people like you, telling all of these dumb blonde jokes, that we have such a terrible reputation! We blondes are just as intelligent as anyone else! We are CEOs, supervisors, managers, we can handle any job you can handle!". So the ventriloquist begins to apologize for his rude jokes, when he is interupted by the blonde who yells "You keep your mouth shut! I was talking to the little guy on your lap!"

2007-02-07 09:09:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

google, snapple facts, and tell me what you learnt cause i just learn something very odd, fish cough..never knew.that made my day...haha

2007-02-07 09:06:22 · 15 answers · asked by madina 4

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking.
Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - "Take a clean dish and...."

2007-02-07 09:04:56 · 14 answers · asked by sheriff fatman 2

I know that the two men are siamese twins, but that's all I know.

2007-02-07 09:03:08 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Name a movie title that has 1 word in it
=========
Name a song that has the word love in it
=========
Name a type of car that starts with an T
=========
Name a famous person that has gone to jail

2007-02-07 08:53:19 · 18 answers · asked by Bob the Cat.™ 4

dumb blonde joke:
this dumb blonde went to a state fair and they were have a pie contest (you know those who can eat the most pies contest) so she decides to enter.

each person had 25 pies in front of them. they had to see who could eat the most in 30 mins. the timer started and eveyone started gobbling up the pies. a few minutes later, the blonde gets up and leaves.
the man who was running the contest asked, "hey where are you going?"
the dumb blonde answers, "i ran out of pies."


is that funny or stupid?
i know it's long but who cares about that. i just made it up.

2007-02-07 08:50:44 · 11 answers · asked by LOVE♥ 1

Johnny fell in the mud.


Wanna hear a clean joke?
Johnny took a bath with bubbles.


Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door!

2007-02-07 08:49:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

First to answer correctly gets the 10 points

There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is Five Feet ten inches, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh?

2007-02-07 08:48:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."

2007-02-07 08:48:19 · 18 answers · asked by jamie 2

did you hear about the dyslexic santa in suffolk?

he put the prossies under the trees.

2007-02-07 08:44:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

does anyone know what has happened to the plopster....Speedy and i are wondering.(.Shredder do you know.)......ploppy are you out there?....

2007-02-07 08:40:23 · 9 answers · asked by chris w. 7

I have a homework assignment due Friday the 9th. I need a funny joke that is appropriate for 6th grade. It needs to be really funny and out of the ordinary.

2007-02-07 08:35:44 · 11 answers · asked by sydney 2

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."

2007-02-07 08:35:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I am so glad that this is my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments! I call my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she gets here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to your mama's house and tell her this is the last check she will ever get from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression on your mama's face."
So my baby girl takes the check over to her mama. I am anxious to hear what she has to say and what she look like. My baby girl walks through the door, and I say, "Now what your mama say 'bout that?"
She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy ... and watch the expression on your face."

2007-02-07 08:33:46 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

2007-02-07 08:33:40 · 15 answers · asked by jamie 2

2007-02-07 08:33:27 · 1 answers · asked by steven 2

I want Punjabi songs (lal ghagra, dil lagi, etc)
Remixes (himesh rishemya, other remixes etc.
and Old songs..preferably quick paced (chor don achaal, bangle ke peche etc.)

if you know any other good fast songs please tell me those as well! in other words, somethign you can dance to. THANKS!

2007-02-07 08:32:57 · 1 answers · asked by HELP! 3

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellooooo...," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

2007-02-07 08:32:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous