Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-07 04:11:41 · 14 answers · asked by Baby Doll 3

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting, when one of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba's dead from one of them thar' heart attacks! What should Ah do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, you've got to make sure he's dead."

There is a silence... and then a gun shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now whut?"

2007-02-07 04:07:56 · 19 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

1 Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they`re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they`re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2 Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren`t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they`re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you`re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You`re not a loafer, you`re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

2007-02-07 04:06:10 · 9 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

2007-02-07 04:03:50 · 11 answers · asked by Baby Doll 3

Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room.

One leans over to the other and says, "What are you in here for?"

The other says, "Circumcision."
The first boy says "Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born & I couldn't walk for a year!"

2007-02-07 03:57:58 · 14 answers · asked by Jay A 3

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered.

On their arrival the doctor said he'd invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it & they were both very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

As the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

2007-02-07 03:56:02 · 14 answers · asked by Jay A 3

Might have posted b4!?

Do the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star song have the same tune?

2007-02-07 03:55:41 · 31 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-02-07 03:55:40 · 5 answers · asked by bizeyman 2

A 12 years old boy went on a bus and took out his wallet to get fare card.
At that time, his passport photograph slipped out and fell.
While he tried to retrieve it, an Indian woman was standing on the small photo. So the boy said" Aunty. Can you lift up your Sari a little bit?" The woman asked him why. Then he replied "I want to take photograph" and woman slapped his cheek.

2007-02-07 03:47:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-07 03:46:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

This creature is sometimes referred to as a rodent. For the most part it is a vegetarian, but it may enjoy a delightful treat of escargot(snail) on occasion, or maybe an insect or two (depending on how they are prepared of course.) It enjoys digging, construction, and countryside. Some of it's favorite places to be are nestled safely in it's home, or in the woods just enjoying nature. Do you know what I am.
Please help me figure this out. Thanks

2007-02-07 03:37:15 · 5 answers · asked by Gina M 1

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen. "

4. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course
you sent me to. "

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time. "


2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put
your ear down real close? "

And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen. "

2007-02-07 03:28:57 · 17 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

NOT THE TRUCK DRIVERS.

2007-02-07 03:27:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-07 03:26:09 · 10 answers · asked by Foodie Monster 1

On a scale of 1-10....10 being most hated. If you don't mind also say what your job is.

2007-02-07 03:22:53 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

Riddle me one I shine in the sun
Riddle me two my color is blue
Riddle me three I run to the sea
Riddle me four I stop the shore.

Who am I?

2007-02-07 03:19:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

My favourite is a cup of tea, yours may be different. But a cup of tea is superior to these and all other beverages. And that is scientific fact. The king of beverage picking in the animal kingdom is the Koala, one was thrown at these drinks which were lined up against a wall. The koala landed after bouncing off the wall, awkwardly next to the cup of tea. Thus proving it. Hoorah?

2007-02-07 03:00:19 · 19 answers · asked by fried or boiled? 1

Please post the question and three possible answers please indicate the correct answer. Thankies

2007-02-07 02:55:40 · 16 answers · asked by Danielle 3

there was a single mother who had only 1 kid, so she didn't want him to learn dirty words. 1 day, he was walking in the street when he heard a man yell "You donkey!" so he went to his mom and asked "mommy? what's a donkey?" she replied "it means mother, darling" so he continued his walk, a little while after, he heard a woman yell "you jerk!" so, again, he asked his mom, and she told him "that means grandpa, honey" so he continued, an hour after he heard a man yell "you loser!" so he asked his mother again and she replied "that means couch, dear"....

so one day, his grandpa came over for a visit while his mom was out shopping.....

so he said "hi jerk, would you mind sitting on the loser till the donkey gets back?"

2007-02-07 02:55:14 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is this a good enough excuse to stay a batchelor?

2007-02-07 02:52:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

can you give me some romantic or funny sms or jokes. thank you in advance

2007-02-07 02:52:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a Great
Chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive Calves you
Have!
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby."
He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of
The Apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.





The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
After I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!!

2007-02-07 02:51:53 · 7 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mummy, I got five pounds!"

The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five pounds from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five pounds for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mummy, I got ten pounds. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten pounds from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten pounds for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mummy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

2007-02-07 02:42:46 · 5 answers · asked by Jay A 3

ok so, i was sitting down talking with my firends saying that i found a spider in my shower this morning. and then a guy next to me said, well i guess spiderman can't take a bath then because he'd drown before he could get out. i didnt' really hear him and said, yeah well i've only really seen the first half of the movie. and then everyone started laughing but i just didnt' get what they were laughihng abuot so i just kind of smiled. and then i asked, what aer you laughing about? and then they had to explain to me taht they were laughing because what they said had nothign to do with the movie!!! :-P woops

2007-02-07 02:36:13 · 7 answers · asked by Emma Chica 3

Would the third pole be named after the planet. we were on. ie Live Neutral and Mars or Live neutral and neptune

2007-02-07 02:22:02 · 15 answers · asked by Chris 5

"In Chinglish"
A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see adoctor. Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese doctor (sex>therapist) named Dr. Chang.
When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms, and he said, "Takeoff all your crowes and you craw real fass away from me across the froor."
She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said, "Now...you craw real fass back to me," and she did. Dr. Chang shook his head and said, "you haf real bad case of Zachary Disease....worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem."
The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Zachary Disease was and he replied, "Zachary Disease....that when your face rook ZACHARY rike your a_s!"

2007-02-07 02:12:43 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

practice

2007-02-07 01:58:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

...the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.



When called upon the first student says "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said "Well that isn't entirely correct because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".




Another student says "Grass is definitely green". Teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct".



Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?".



The teacher replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question for class discussion." The student replies, "Then I definitely pooped my pants








THATS SO cute

2007-02-07 01:57:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-07 01:53:56 · 10 answers · asked by Supes 2

A monk has a very specific ritual for climbing up the steps to the temple. First he climbs up to the middle step and meditates for 1 minute. Then he climbs up 8 steps and faces east until he hears a bird singing. Then he walks down 12 steps and picks up a pebble. He takes one step up and tosses the pebble over his left shoulder. Now, he walks up the remaining steps three at a time which only takes him 9 paces. How many steps are there?

2007-02-07 01:52:27 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous