Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Three college girls went in for physicals,
Upon examining the first woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'H' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her "how did you get this?"

She says "my boyfriend is from Harvard, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."

While examining the second woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'Y' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her "how did you get this?"

She says "my boyfriend is from Yale, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."

During the examination of the third woman the Dr. notices a large letter 'M' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. says "I see your boyfriend is from the University of Minnesota!"

She responds "No, my girlfriend is from Wisconsin!"

2007-02-07 08:31:59 · 17 answers · asked by Smurf 7

Clean jokes please.

2007-02-07 08:31:51 · 3 answers · asked by retooser 4

While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, read out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies. Was it heaven, or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife...
"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."

2007-02-07 08:30:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or am just excited to see you?

2007-02-07 08:29:01 · 3 answers · asked by Puddin 3

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks, What size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small - What room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows

2007-02-07 08:26:54 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

Billy Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again."
Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me

2007-02-07 08:24:48 · 24 answers · asked by Smurf 7

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

2007-02-07 08:23:27 · 25 answers · asked by jamie 2

MEN?!?!?!?


And they wonder why we consider them idiots!!!!! Here's a short story to prove my point!!




Ed was in trouble. He had forgotten his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds. AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"


The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift - wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.



She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


Ed has been missing since Friday.

2007-02-07 08:21:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

and its not any of these:
dumb, lame, dodo, dull, dopy, daft, cool, nuts, and rash

2007-02-07 08:16:56 · 22 answers · asked by Rattiesrule 2

Because she kept on sitting on Pinochio's face saying,
"Lie to me, Lie to me!"

2007-02-07 08:15:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.



"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"



The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"



The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

2007-02-07 08:09:51 · 11 answers · asked by Dream_Catcher 4

Why was the gay guy fired from the sperm bank?-Because he was caught drinking on the job.

2007-02-07 08:04:30 · 2 answers · asked by Baptized Disciple 5

why did the vampire drink the teacher's blood ?

to pass the test

2007-02-07 07:59:08 · 17 answers · asked by Luv Rulz 4

If John leaves Nashville for Tallahassee in a car traveling 15 miles per hour, and at Midnight Mary leaves Tallahassee headed for Nashville in a car traveling 75 miles per hour, what car will be closer to Nashville when they meet?

2007-02-07 07:57:53 · 12 answers · asked by SteelerFan_2006_ 5

2007-02-07 07:55:37 · 13 answers · asked by Asheypooh 4

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What
are these, Dad? To
which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are
called condoms son.
Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've
heard of that in
health class at school." He looks over the display and
picks up a
package of 3 and asks,"Why are there 3 in this
package?" The dad
replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for
Friday, one for
Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He
notices a 6
pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for
Friday, TWO for
Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he
asks, picking up a
12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad
replied, "Those are
for married men. One for January, one for February,
one for March......."

2007-02-07 07:53:15 · 22 answers · asked by Dream_Catcher 4

good god what is this world coming to?
first the prostitutes,
now the turkeys,
is any bird in suffolk safe!?!

2007-02-07 07:52:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

2007-02-07 07:48:44 · 43 answers · asked by Tink 5

r. a. p. e., get the f**k away from me

2007-02-07 07:45:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Have fun finding ways to make me laugh. It won't be easy, though.

2007-02-07 07:32:42 · 13 answers · asked by Deveon 1

What do you like studying about valcanoes?

It's for extra credit, wich I REALLY need!

Thank You!

2007-02-07 07:31:14 · 11 answers · asked by December Diamond 1

I needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.


He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her"...And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.....keep going)





She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the DARK!"

2007-02-07 07:28:49 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

My husband is very private about his bathroom time, especially with our two daughters, who are 3 & 1. A couple months back, my daughter walked into the bathroom while he was using it. (#1). She came running out to me with this very Motherly look on her face and reported "Daddy is VERY naughty. He's in there standing up peeing in his PANTS!"

2007-02-07 07:27:39 · 9 answers · asked by Wendy B 5

1.hit him back.
2.call him stupid.
3.tell him go to hell.
4.chase him with a saw all around the house.

2007-02-07 07:22:10 · 21 answers · asked by 사랑 측정기 1

I know a word of letters three, add two and fewer there will be?

2007-02-07 07:20:37 · 12 answers · asked by Jmekeru 1

I was packing for my business trip and my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.
At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!"

Pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?

2007-02-07 07:18:08 · 42 answers · asked by Tink 5

what do you call a yellow red dot bikini.

who ever answer that get the point.

2007-02-07 07:11:26 · 11 answers · asked by 사랑 측정기 1

You'll be getting a heck of a trade!!!!

2007-02-07 07:08:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-07 07:00:50 · 10 answers · asked by nnrj15 1

2007-02-07 06:57:18 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous