Whoever can make me laugh the hardest gets the best answer!?

Answer 1

A man said to his wife 'I bet you can't tell me something that makes me happy and sad at the same time'
The wife thinks for a moment and answers
'your penis is bigger than your brothers'

Answer 2

go to this website and i gaurentee you'll pee your pants laughing!
dont worry it's not spam.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus

LOL

or this one...
Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, ''He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems.'' So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.

A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted.

Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaiming delightedly, ''Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'' He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertiliser truck running over a skunk coming from a pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary!

Answer 3

A man is taking an 8 day trip in the desert so he goes to Hertz rent a camel. The agent asks him how long he want one for? He says 8 days. The agent recommends a 2 vweek camel and the man agrees. The agent gets a camel and shoves his head in a barrel of water making the camel drink. When he stops drinking the agent gets 2 bricks and smashes the camel balls between them. This makes the `camel`dring more. The man says doesn't that hurt and the agent replies no only if I get my thumbs between the bricks

Answer 4

this guy has been out of a job for a long time--gets rejected everywhere---looks in the paper---zoo help wanted----goes to the zoo---immediately gets in to talk with the zoo keeper---he explains how they lost gorgo the gorilla their main attraction & did not have the money to replace him------they made a suit out of the gorilla with padding & zippers----he puts on the suit accepts the job--the keeper says in order to not destroy the illusion ---you must not talk ---if you do you are fired----that night he tells his wife how much fun he had ---she's glad he finally got a job---next morning he's swinging high in the uppermost swing & accidently lands over in the lion's den---the lion gets up & slowly walks toward the guy----he can't run or fight---thinking if i talk i will be fired---the lion stops & opens his mouth wide--and the guy shouts help-help- ---and from the lion ---if you don't shut-up we'll both get fired.................

Answer 5

A drunk man walks out of a bar looking for his car, not realizing his pants are open and his package is hanging out... as he stumbles throught hte parking lot digging in his pocket looking for his keys a cop notices his in exposed and walks over to him to address the situation... The man tries to expalin that he has lost his keys and before he can finish the cop points out his exposer... without missing a beat the man responds Damn my wife is gone too...

Answer 6

A treasure hunter goes to the local camel renter and asks for the fastest camel he's got....The Arab points to all his animals and says "take your pick, they all are". the man selects one that is long and lean....He tells the hunter to lead the camel to the lift rack. After the camel is lifted, the Arab picks up 2 stones and whacks the camel's privates as hard as he could....Needless to say, the camel takes off like a jet!!!
The hunter says "why did you do that??" I wasn't on him yet. How in the world do you expect me to catch him"???

The Arab says "get up on the rack"!!!!

Answer 7

Teacher asks the class, who can spell Dumb and use it in a sentence, Little Suzy says D-U-M-B. Johnny is dumb
Teacher asks the same with the word Stupid. Again Suzy says, S-T-U-P-I-D Johnny is stupid.
The next question, teacher asks, no one raises their hands, so teacher picks Johnny to spell the word Dictate.
Johnny says, D-I-C-T-A-T-E, I might be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Suzy says, my DICTATE good

Answer 8

how do you say to your friend that her yellow ,red dot dress,with blue stars ,green line,black hearts,orange lemons,and chunk of purple square looks great.
you say you look like a fruit cake.

Answer 9

How do you drown a blond....?





Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool

Answer 10

What sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom!