Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Maverick was in the south of France and could not understand why Biff had attracted all the girls at the beach while he pulled nothing.

So he asked Biff, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"

Biff said, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"

Mav stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Many hours later, he still had no woman.

Mav went to see Biff again and said, "I've tried it and it doesn't work!"

Biff looked at Maverick and said, "Have you tried putting the potato in the front?"

2007-01-16 11:32:49 · 15 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-01-16 11:28:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-16 11:24:35 · 7 answers · asked by jenni f 1

me and some friends like 2 prank cal people at sleep overs, well we're having 1 this weekend, and we need some more sayings. also, no 1 has any good jokes anymore. please help us.

2007-01-16 11:24:31 · 8 answers · asked by Shannon 3

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office.

As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes, sir, may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my d**k," he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you," he said.

"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and reentered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't p*ss out of it," the man replied.

2007-01-16 11:07:38 · 26 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-01-16 11:04:01 · 23 answers · asked by hondabw5 1

I want to check out some new comedians who I have never heard of. I love Billy Connolly, Jack Dee, Frank Skinner, Lee Evans so don't mention them please!

2007-01-16 11:03:29 · 21 answers · asked by ? 3

2007-01-16 11:00:08 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What would people REALLY be thinking about you?

2007-01-16 10:47:20 · 13 answers · asked by louloutee 3

I would appreciate some clean animal jokes!

2007-01-16 10:44:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-16 10:42:18 · 6 answers · asked by hondabw5 1

In my Soc. Studies class we have brain teasers. This one sorta stumped me so I need some other opinions.

Which one doesn't belong: aunt, brother, cousin, father, grandfather, granmother, mother, nephew, niece, sister, uncle?

2007-01-16 10:41:12 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you have ugly boys/girls ask for your number?
if so give them this number
703-912-1725
it is the rejection hotline

2007-01-16 10:29:24 · 13 answers · asked by JUDI 3

2007-01-16 10:26:36 · 20 answers · asked by Slevin Kelevra 3

Could someone call 999-7734? it's spells Hell-666 upside down. On a calculator. Tell me what happens!!!

2007-01-16 10:23:02 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Pet Supplies shop is 655 meters from the Smoothie Store, 393 Meters from the Magic shop, and 314 meters from the Grooming Parlour. The Defence Magic shop is 236 meters from the Grooming Parlour and 524 meters from the Smoothie Store.

Assuming the distance between the Grooming Parlour and the Smoothie Store is less than the distance between the Pet Supplies shop and the Smoothie Store, what is the distance between the Grooming Parlour and the Smoothie Store? Please round to the nearest meter.

2007-01-16 10:18:22 · 20 answers · asked by hon3ysmil3z 2

(1)which room has no window, no door and no floor?

(2)what has many rings but no fingers?

2007-01-16 10:04:10 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-16 10:03:38 · 19 answers · asked by Fil D 3

1) What do you call a fish with no eyes?
2. What kind of bean is sweet?
3. What kind of mouse doesn't eat cheese?
4. Why did the teddy bear cross the diner?
5. What is holyer than God, crueler then the devil, higher then heaven, and brighter than the sun?
6. What kind of worm is very smart?
7. Why are some cakes frosted?
8. How do you spell nothing?
9. What do you call a solar-powered flashlight?
10. Why did the devil smile?

2007-01-16 10:00:35 · 30 answers · asked by pigtails101 2

It's snowing here...and the news just showed some people in a parking lot spinning around in the snow...so I thought of a (not so) funny joke!

2007-01-16 10:00:32 · 20 answers · asked by prekinpdx 7

3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30, SO EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25, SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH $5. ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY BETWEEN 3 MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR HIMSELF. THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF $27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29. WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR?

2007-01-16 09:54:30 · 36 answers · asked by -Bibee- 3

Whats the lowest break you can make to be garunteed of winning a frame in one visit, This is a really good question to get the brain working. Good luck & I will give 10points to the first correct answer

2007-01-16 09:50:22 · 13 answers · asked by Because I Said So 7

You can use any topic and don't worry I am very hard to offend.

2007-01-16 09:46:37 · 17 answers · asked by rvnfn520 2

The foreman tells them they must be able to prove they can cut down 100 trees in a day with a chainsaw to get the job.First up goes Jeremy the Englishman, a very good effort,a creditable 97 trees.
" Sorry" said the foreman"not quite good enough."
Next up is Jimmy the Scot.
He manages 98 trees..."No" said the foreman,100 or no job."
To give Paddy a chance to succeed the foreman(of Irish descent) gave him a brand new chainsaw and said.."Go on Paddy,do n't let me down."
At the end of the day a sweaty and tired Paddy had managed......
99 trees..ahh.
"Sorry" said the foreman "rules are rules no job, just give me back the chainsaw so I can check if it's still working."
He pulled the cord and the chainsaw sprang into life.PpppBbrrrrrrr
rrrrruuuummmmm.
Paddy looked around and said startled.." What's that noise?"

2007-01-16 09:44:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Complete the chart correct person gets 10pts and a thumbs up!


y=2x+5

x 0 1 2 3 -1 -2 -3
_______________________
y 5 7

2007-01-16 09:41:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

simple yet needs to be resolved.

2007-01-16 09:25:59 · 47 answers · asked by timginjapan 1

To start off, I'll tell a joke and tell me if it's funny and/or made you laugh. Then, if you want me to choose your answer as the best, tell me a joke and whoever's makes me laugh the most wins the Best Answer for the Q.

My Joke:
A guy walks into a bar and orders a Jack Daniels. He's sitting there and sees a sack behind the bartender. He asks the bartender what is in the sack/bag. The Bartender replies, "$10,000." The man jokes, "You wanna give it to me?" In a serious tone, the Bartender says, "Tell you what. If you do three things for me, that bag of money is yours. Deal?" "Deal!", the man replies in excitement. The Bartender says, "Okay. First, I want you to go over to that big man over there and knock him out. Second, in that room (points to a closed door) there's a giant rat. I want you to go inside and get that huge rat in it's cage. Lastly, go upstairs and de-virginize my 90-year-old grandma. Okay? Go." The man goes and punches the man, then goes inside the room, closes the door

2007-01-16 09:24:29 · 27 answers · asked by ? 1

You can be sure someone is an idiot when he/she: Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said concentrate. Puts lipstick on their forhead because he wanted to makeup his mind. Gets stabbed in a shoot-out. Sends a fax with a stamp on it. Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!" Tries to drown a fish. If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get change. Thinks socialism means partying. Trips over a cordless phone. Takes a ruler to bed to see how long they slept. At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he put Sagittarius." Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. Studies for a blood test and fails. Invents a solar powered flashlight. Sells the car for gas money. Heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moves. Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 bus twice instead. Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport left", he turned around and went home.

2007-01-16 09:20:00 · 14 answers · asked by Mr.Why? 2

2007-01-16 09:17:45 · 11 answers · asked by Chris H 1

what do u call a superman when he lost his power?..

think its so simple..!!

2007-01-16 09:17:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous