Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

a little boy was walking down the street and sees a worm. He asks the worm"do u have a mom?"
_no
"do u have a dad?"
_ no
"anyone?"
_no
thenthe boy squished the worm!!!

2006-12-15 06:26:53 · 29 answers · asked by Victoria_pink_princess ^ 1

if you take your underwear off and squat then come back up?

2006-12-15 06:24:47 · 9 answers · asked by Special Olympian 1

Why does Nicky Hilton hate country western music?

Because every time she hears the word "hoedown" she thinks Paris has been shot!

2006-12-15 06:17:28 · 25 answers · asked by retooser 4

little billy goes up to his mum and asks , why has daddy got two willy"s :::: don"t be silly she says laughing,his only got one like you sweetheart!!:::but but but mummy he has got two! his got a little one he goes to the toilet with! and a big one he cleans aunty joans teeth with;;;;;;;;arrrrrrrrh

2006-12-15 06:17:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

fall out of tree, not see.

......NO FEE

2006-12-15 06:17:22 · 7 answers · asked by 24 inch chain!!! 2

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

2006-12-15 06:05:56 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

> Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing. After a while
> grandpa gets thirsty and opens up his cooler for some beer. Little
> Johnny asks, "Grandpa, can I have some beer too?"
>
> "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked back.
>
> "No."
>
> "Well, then you're not big enough."
>
> Grandpa then takes out a cigarette and lights up. Little Johnny sees
> this and asks for a cigarette.
>
> "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked again.
>
> "No."
>
> "Well, then you're not big enough."
>
> Little Johnny gets upset and pulls out some cookies. His grandfather
> says, "Hey, those cookies look good, can I have some?"
>
> Little Johnny asks, "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?"
>
> Grandpa looks at Johnny and senses his trick, so he says, "Well of
> course
> I
> can, I'm big enough."
>
> Little Johnny then says, "Well, then go **** yourself, these are my
> cookies."

2006-12-15 05:41:38 · 46 answers · asked by mmh 4

Eager to try it out, a man takes viagra as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off.

Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted.

"What happened?" the man asks. "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?"

The cockatiel pants, "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs of a frozen chicken?"

2006-12-15 05:39:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 05:21:57 · 29 answers · asked by kate moss - the chameleon 1

riddle I don't get???

2006-12-15 05:20:33 · 5 answers · asked by Lucky 1

Rednecks have some teeth.

2006-12-15 05:07:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I posted a joke a few minutes ago, and I got a violation notice a joke is a joke !!!
yes it was ofensive for the wife of the man in the joke
But is a JOKE !!!!

2006-12-15 05:01:57 · 13 answers · asked by gone 4

Go to Hong Kong?

2006-12-15 05:00:02 · 16 answers · asked by Jazz 1

In each door there's a guardian. One of the guardians always speak de truth and the other always speak the lie.
It was given to you the right to choose one door, and for this you could ask one question to one of the guardians.

Wich question whould you ask?

PS. You don't know who is guarding the doors and don't know who lies or say the truth.

2006-12-15 04:47:55 · 22 answers · asked by adriano2 2

As the commuter flight prepared to land, the flight attendant announced, "Please help us welcome our new co-pilot who is performing his first commercial landing today. Be sure to give him a big round of applause after we land."


The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before finally rolling to a stop, yet the passengers still applauded.


Then the flight attendant's voice came back over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us today, and don't forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best!"

2006-12-15 04:43:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 04:39:06 · 21 answers · asked by amymatteo 1

not a riddle, just a question

2006-12-15 04:31:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"
================================================
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then he said, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

The blonde replied, "Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" said the sheriff.

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! My first day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
================================================
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one was a brunette, and one was a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes".
================================================
Norman and his blonde wife live in Calgary. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
================================================
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a jigsaw puzzle.

She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said her husband,
"Put the Kellog's Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
================================================
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over.

The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

2006-12-15 04:27:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two friends were in a bar drinking beer, when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," his friend replied, reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10-inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?"
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie. The friend said to the genie, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said. The man asks him for a million fivers. The genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there, waiting for his million fivers. Soon, a man in a frogsuit walks into the bar, followed by another, then another, then another. Before long the entire bar has divers everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million fivers, not divers!" He answers, "I forgot to tell you, the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?”

2006-12-15 04:25:23 · 36 answers · asked by richard_beckham2001 7

2006-12-15 03:39:01 · 4 answers · asked by Wilson 2

2006-12-15 03:16:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 03:14:52 · 20 answers · asked by urzalwayz5646 4

I heard this riddle on the radio,and would like to hear your ideas please!

2006-12-15 03:13:20 · 27 answers · asked by Lil' Miss! 2

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually
threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

2006-12-15 03:10:48 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 03:08:33 · 7 answers · asked by lordkid 1

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Miss... Could I see your driver's license?"

"What's a license?" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet" replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration... What's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you have to do..." Said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What? I can't do that. It's inappropriate!" exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me... Just do it..." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs "Oh no... Not ANOTHER breathalyzer!"

2006-12-15 03:07:37 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Old Lady Knows How to Gamble

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet

2006-12-15 03:05:46 · 11 answers · asked by Tabor 4

It's winter time, there are some kids playing out side in the snow. In Fred and Marie's house, the window is smashed and Fred and Marie are sprawled, dead, on the floor in a puddle of water and broken glass. What happened?

2006-12-15 03:03:02 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 02:59:56 · 9 answers · asked by Hobby 5

Which chicken soup for the soul has a story in it about a graduation. Where the valdictorian tells everybody that his dead friend is really the valdictorian and how he still is there with everyone?

2006-12-15 02:57:58 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous