Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

I need some good yo momma jokes... for example( Yo Momma is so ugly that she scared the **** out of the toilet!)

2006-12-15 15:34:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a store. The store sold 3 and only 3 types of toilets. the first type was wooden. the second type was metal. and the third was a musical toilet( it palyed songs everytime u peed). So then a man comes in. he buys the wooden toilet. he returns it the next day. the manager asks, " Why did u bring it back?". the man said, "Everytime i sit on it, i'd get splinters on my butt." the next day, another man came in and bot the metal toilet. he returned it the next day. the manager asked," why did u bring it back?". the man said, everytime i sit on it, my but would freeze." the next day a lady comes in and buys the musical toilet. she returns it the next day. the manager asked," why did u bring it back?" the lady said, " Everytime i sit on it, it would play,'Do you SEE wat i SEE?'.

i <3 this joke lol. =]

2006-12-15 15:22:06 · 26 answers · asked by Vanessa 4

Many years ago I had a couple of things sotlen from my truck but nothing worth any real bother. I thought well then I willo try something. I put two TV boxws in the back and taped them shut like new andhad nothing in them but my trash and garbage and sure enough when I left the truck in a shoping center parking lot in the evening they dissapeared. I bet they were angry.

2006-12-15 15:17:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is so wrong but it's still funny!

>
> A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He
>picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted
>three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the
>guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of
them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down
and the floor is amass with $100 bills. Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and
>standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest
>tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking
away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, "I
can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can
also understand him wanting to be a millionaire... but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is
beyond me!"

2006-12-15 15:11:49 · 8 answers · asked by ~i love my boys~ 3

that yahoo should let our avatars have lipstick. They really need it!

2006-12-15 15:05:17 · 20 answers · asked by kimmycat 4

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He asks the blonde clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The blonde clerk responds, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The pharmacist yells, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a laxative!" The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough

2006-12-15 15:03:46 · 15 answers · asked by kimmycat 4

This is a story about two nuns......................
One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the
other is
known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the
convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most.
What can we do ?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk
faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing.
He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us
in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go
that way
and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried
what has
happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what
happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't
follow us both,
so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as
fast as I
could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his
pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can
run faster
than a man with his pants down........!!

(And those of you who thought it would be dirty, say 3 Hail
Mary's and get
back to work!!)

2006-12-15 15:02:40 · 17 answers · asked by ~i love my boys~ 3

2006-12-15 14:59:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 14:47:36 · 13 answers · asked by moejaymom 3

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to go," he said.

"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink."

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?"

2006-12-15 14:46:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving.

While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you."

"Boobs" the drunk replied.

2006-12-15 14:42:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either".

2006-12-15 14:35:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 14:33:53 · 11 answers · asked by kimmycat 4

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"

Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."

The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."

Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"

She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."

The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?

"No," she says.

The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."

2006-12-15 14:32:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 14:30:55 · 1 answers · asked by dominoes2009 1

2006-12-15 14:19:52 · 19 answers · asked by ☺Lisa☺ 2

there are to balls that weigh 1ton each.. one is made of metal the other is made of cotton.. which one is heavier?

2006-12-15 14:14:01 · 3 answers · asked by kakashi 2

A single man woke up in a room, he did not ho how he got there. He looked around and saw that he was in a library. Startled, he walked around and found out there was not a single exit, no doors no windows no EXIT. He began to wonder how he got here. He thought for hours how to escape but in the end he gave up hope. he cried for hours and he grabbed a book because their is nothing else to do and started reading it, all of the sudden he jumps up and says "Thats it, Thats the answer, IM SAVED!!!" the next day he was telling his kids about what happened. HOW DID HE ESCAPE!!!........................
.........
.........LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

2006-12-15 14:04:23 · 24 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

Did you hear about the fight in the fish market? Two fish got battered.

2006-12-15 13:58:58 · 15 answers · asked by bdogg 2

Some of you saw my last joke about the white and nerdy song but this one is so funny your throat will hurt. Enjoy. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4195475595469443721&hl=en

2006-12-15 13:55:49 · 4 answers · asked by mistery person 3

2006-12-15 13:49:26 · 18 answers · asked by Kelly G 1

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

"You must mean the lift," he said.

"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator."

"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".

"Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator."

"Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language

2006-12-15 13:41:49 · 13 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

2006-12-15 13:40:55 · 18 answers · asked by imjust_lori 3

A light hearted look at marriage and romance.
Some Math(s):
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Some Psychology
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

2006-12-15 13:30:39 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

i just found this really funny video on google and it's so funny! i know a lot of people here are bored so merry christmas: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9216885565425260383&hl=en

2006-12-15 13:22:46 · 13 answers · asked by mistery person 3

2006-12-15 13:20:34 · 22 answers · asked by sadiesamkurby 2

Plz. don't say 24 Hours in a day

2006-12-15 13:15:31 · 6 answers · asked by minioo1 3

if you were spanish and you had 1 arm and some french dude with one leg was all like hey you wanna trade your arm for my leg would you do it?

2006-12-15 12:25:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 12:08:16 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is at the supermarket when a beautiful blonde waves at him and says hello.

He's taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, and he really should remember someone so beautiful. So he asks her, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my balls with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my @ss?"

"No,” she says. “I'm your son's math teacher."

2006-12-15 11:56:33 · 30 answers · asked by a m 4