Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards him. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs
in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry
to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

2006-12-16 02:41:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

:)

2006-12-16 02:34:44 · 14 answers · asked by KiKi E 2

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man. The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Grandma's minister fainted.

2006-12-16 02:33:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here's on for ya (HINT: It's a play on words)
How do you get out of a room with no windows, no doors, no chimmneys, no secret basements, no nothing, except a mirror and a table?
Good luck

2006-12-16 02:31:08 · 7 answers · asked by hobo6 2

Not talking about Anakin Skywalker here. Also, he can't use any mind tricks. Just plain old Darth.

2006-12-16 02:30:10 · 7 answers · asked by Mickey Nation 3

2006-12-16 02:22:10 · 11 answers · asked by donny baker 1

the owners dog bit it from inside - can l sue them as l am a postman an it was an accident on my part?

2006-12-16 02:21:35 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

ha ha

2006-12-16 02:20:08 · 3 answers · asked by timbo44b 3

What has 5(sometimes 4) hands but is normal

2006-12-16 01:59:28 · 18 answers · asked by chris b 4

Years ago I heard a joke (clean!) that has two people talking and goes like this:
1st person says something and the 2nd person says, "Oh, that's bad".
1st person says, "Well not so bad" and explains why.
2nd person says, "Oh. that's good"
1st person says, "Well, not so good" and explains why.
It goes on seesawing, can anyone fill in this?
Thanks.

2006-12-16 01:58:10 · 4 answers · asked by John W 2

Mary's father has 5 daughters......

Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono, and _____?

2006-12-16 01:55:51 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

Riddle...

What is sharper than a sword, and a person can hurt someone with it if it isn't properly used.

2006-12-16 01:51:01 · 9 answers · asked by truthsayer777 2

What is greater than God,
More evil than the devil?
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you die?

2006-12-16 01:45:23 · 16 answers · asked by chris b 4

what do you get when you cross a pickle and a deer???

i will choose best answer who ever gets it the closest or whoever gets the answer right first

2006-12-16 01:39:58 · 4 answers · asked by Grammar B*@%h 4

tell me

2006-12-16 01:35:36 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-16 01:30:03 · 13 answers · asked by Nikki w 1

i woke early one morning
the earth lay cool and still
when suddenly a tiny bird
perched on my window sill,
he sang a song so lovely
so carefree and gay,
that slowly all my troubles
began to slip away.
he sang of far places
of laughter and of fun,
it seemed his very trilling
brought up the morning sun.
i stirred beneath the covers
crept slowly out of bed
the gently shut the window
and crushed his f<>king head


im not a morning person

2006-12-16 01:20:04 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-16 01:00:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde appearde for medical entrance examination and gave the following defination of the medical terms


Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section - a district in Rome.

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.

Chronic - neck of a crow.

Coma - punctuation mark.

Cortisone - area around local court.

Cyst - short for sister.

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.

Dislocation - in this place.

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.

Enema - not a friend.

Fake labour - pretending to work.

Genes - blue denim.

Hernia - she is close by.

Impotent - distinguished/well known.

Labour pain - hurt at work.

Lactose - people without toes.

Lymph - walk unsteadily.

Microbes - small dressing gown.

Obesity - city of Obe.

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.

Proteins - in favour of teens.

Pulse - grain.

Pus - small cat.

Red blood count - Dracula.

Secretion - hiding anything.

Tablet - small table.

Ultrasound - radical noise.

Urine - opposite of you're out.

Varicose - very close.

2006-12-16 00:52:20 · 8 answers · asked by stone 4

help me come up with astrological predictions that are very obvious( and a bit funny)....

For eg. : You will sleep seven times this week...
You will eat a wide variety of foods in the coming year...
In the coming year, everyone you know will grow one year older..

2006-12-16 00:50:58 · 6 answers · asked by laxstar5 1

2006-12-16 00:50:44 · 8 answers · asked by beannymarsh 1

2006-12-16 00:38:45 · 23 answers · asked by mona 1

Can anyone answer these?

What English word is the same when spelled forward or backward or turned upside down ?

What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a head but never weeps ?

2006-12-16 00:36:41 · 31 answers · asked by pmdpierce 1

2006-12-16 00:36:12 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

all they ave to do now is teach it to suck an ill swop it for my mrs

2006-12-16 00:35:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-16 00:29:31 · 13 answers · asked by cynamncyn11 2

your trapped in a room with a tiger; a Black snake (aussie venomous snake) and a lawyer. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer; twice.

2006-12-16 00:08:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-15 23:59:05 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

When I will get in bed my head is poor. I thing about dead. How is life when we`ll die, is there life after dead. And that question scare me the most. Please help me!!!

2006-12-15 23:56:43 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

....if you leave out cookies and BEER...Santa will visit your house first this year.

2006-12-15 23:47:45 · 8 answers · asked by somebodys_watchn_you 3