suggest me some jokes?

Answer 1

yo momma jokes!
like this one

yo momma so fat, that when she jumped for joy in her house,

she actually got stuck at her ceiling!!


hahax

Answer 2

knock knock
who's there?
cargo
cargo who?
no, cargo beep-beep!


Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn?
she had mettens


there are 3 kinds of people in the world
those who can count and those who can't.


a duck walks into a drugstore and asks for some lip balm.
"cash or charge?"asked the clerk.
oh just put it on my bill...


knock knock
who's there?
little old lady
little old lady who?
i didn't know you can yodel


did you hear about the car with wooden weels, a wooden engine, and wooden seats?
only one problem: it wooden go!


Did you hear about the peanut who called the police?
He said he'd been assaulted.


Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says to the other:
Hot in here isn't it?
And the other one screams:
Ahhh! A talking muffin.


What's the capital of Alaska?
Juneau?
Yes, but I'm asking you.


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupti-
Mooooo!


What's the difference between an elephant and a mattahoney?
What's a mattahoney?
Nothing, but thank you for asking.


My dog has no nose.
Then how does he smell?
Terrible.


Did you just pick your nose?
No, I was born with it.


Doctor: I'm sorry, but you won't live much longer.
Patient: how much longer have I got?
Doctor: ten
Patient: ten what? months? weeks?
Docter: nine. eight. seven...


Did you hear about the scientist who crossed poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
She got a rash of good luck.


Patient: Doctor, everyone keeps on ignoring me.
Doctor: Next, please.

Answer 3

Santa Singh needed some money desperately.
Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had
a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his
prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to
Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his
head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to
saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any
money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!

Answer 4

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on"

"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"

"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."

Answer 5

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all working for NASA, were trying to figure out where to go on the next trip.

The brunette said, "We should go to Mars."
The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon."

The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!"

The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"

The blonde said, "DUH... Not if you go at night!"




A three legged dog is walking down the middle of the road with a shotgun in his hand. When he was asked why he had a shotgun he said "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa."

Answer 6

This lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the guy to put a tattoo of a turkey on her upper right thigh. She goes back to the same tattoo parlor two weeks later and asks him to tattoo a picture of a Christmas tree on her upper left thigh.

Stumped, the guy finally decides to ask her why she wants these tattoos.

She said, "I'm tired of my husband complaining every year that there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Answer 7

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 8

BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!
BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL. Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Beppo Singh: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
BEPPO SINGH'S MOTHER DIED. Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. After 2 minutes Beppo Singh cries even louder Friend: what now? Beppo Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!

BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON. Beppo Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Beppo Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
BEPPO SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR. Lotta Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure. Beppo Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

Answer 9

For two points or ten points I suggest you enjoy all of the jokes sent to you here…I dare say the ten points would be more handy my dear.

Answer 10

i've got a massive joke book! u can email me and i'll tell ya as much as u want! these r some of my favs!
EG. did u hear about da tree in da maths class?
Answer: it had square roots!

EG. Who is a bee's favourite pop group?
Answer: the bee gees!

EG: TEACHER: why r u picking your nose in class?
PUPIL: My mother wont let me do it at home!

EG. Doctor, Doctor, i keep thinking i'm like a boomerang!
DOCTOR: can u come back later?

and the last example:
Why is a bad Soccer Goalie
Like a good fisher man???
ANSWER: both keep picking up things from the net!!!!

Answer 11

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."