Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Because it's the mans job to stand around and do nothing all day.
lol

2006-12-14 16:44:20 · 29 answers · asked by Sarah S 3

2006-12-14 16:41:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute."

The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."

She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."

2006-12-14 16:40:16 · 9 answers · asked by texasblueslady 3

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

2006-12-14 16:36:51 · 10 answers · asked by texasblueslady 3

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

2006-12-14 16:35:03 · 5 answers · asked by texasblueslady 3

I have a mouth,
I do not talk,
I always run,
I never walk.
What am I?

2006-12-14 16:06:38 · 17 answers · asked by Poker Face 6

2006-12-14 16:06:29 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hint: It was somewhat eatible

2006-12-14 16:00:11 · 6 answers · asked by dahaynkinegirl 1

2006-12-14 15:33:00 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-14 15:30:45 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-14 15:29:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues.
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, and many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college girls who were hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: 'And Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Then why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm telling everybody!"

2006-12-14 15:08:57 · 2 answers · asked by texasblueslady 3

only 1 because blondes are not as dumb as you think they are. im not a blonde but come on now. thoes jokes are getting old.

2006-12-14 14:13:43 · 30 answers · asked by notre1842dame 4

2006-12-14 14:13:42 · 17 answers · asked by Christ Follower 3

2006-12-14 13:45:39 · 23 answers · asked by cmachiela 2

2006-12-14 13:38:21 · 24 answers · asked by cmachiela 2

2006-12-14 13:36:14 · 5 answers · asked by Aria 2

2006-12-14 13:34:40 · 31 answers · asked by allenno1uk 1

2006-12-14 13:04:35 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

Dear Santa Clause

Dear Santa Clause
It's me Dan
I've tried to be good
as good as a child can

Sometimes I am bad
and it makes them mad
but I'll try and be good
so that I wont be sad

All I want is happiness
for everybody it's so
A joyfull Christmas
full of white snow

I'll be sure to leave cookies
right by the fireplace
fresh baked by yours truly
Mom says I'm a cooking ace!

All I want is love
Love for everybody
God loves us
even from way up above

His love for us is clear
Please Santa,
Give everyone a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!


i wrote that last night, please be very honest... it's supposed to be about a poor kid with a hard life.. who helps everybody ya' kno?

2006-12-14 13:04:14 · 16 answers · asked by Meaganboomc 2

2006-12-14 13:01:14 · 5 answers · asked by greginlbc 1

"Women I Haven't Had Sex With" by Bill Clinton

"Little Boys I Haven't Raped" by Michael Jackson

"My Favorite Brands of Panties" by Britney Spears

Can you think of some more?

2006-12-14 13:00:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I finially found the perfect girl,
I couldn't ask for more,
She's deaf&dumb&oversexed,
And owns a liquor store.......

2006-12-14 12:58:42 · 17 answers · asked by mobileminiatures 5

I Like My Favorite Learn Read " Plan Date".

2006-12-14 12:53:12 · 2 answers · asked by gloria j 1

for example: lets say someone says "do you mind if i go to the bathroom" your answer be... one or two answers

2006-12-14 12:51:24 · 12 answers · asked by uwhat1001 2

there's a rat in mi kitchen
wat am i gonna do
there's a rat in mi kitchen wat am i gonna do?

2006-12-14 12:45:08 · 24 answers · asked by 99tzm 3

my youth minister at my church made me and 4 other guys dress extremely emo and we are trying to come up with a way to get him bak at first we were going to make him dress as jesus and go to the mall and yell at santa to give him his holiday bak but we figured that might be a bad idea. so any other pranks would be great now we might think about making him dress as dangle from reno 911 and walk through the mall and try to make a citizens arrest but thats it

2006-12-14 12:37:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was reading this joke entitled 50 facts about women, I got all 50 0f them except one that said, "Lewis Carrol's Caterpillar had nothing on women. Can someone explain this joke?

2006-12-14 12:26:09 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did anyone see that programme ages ago with Jack Osborne in it. He was in the jungle and was making wolf nipple stew. Why was he making it with wolf nipples? What happened to the rest of the wolf, are they walking round nippless?

2006-12-14 12:11:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many stripes does each zebra have at the zoo?
there are four zebras zelda, zilma, zeb, and zach
CLUES:
1. Zilma has more stripes than zelda but fewer than zeb
2.one zebra has 57 stripes
3. the differnce between the highest and lowest is 50
4. zach has the fewest stripes
5.no zebra has more than 100 stripes
6.zelda has 20 more stripes than zach and 13 fewer than the zebra closest to her own nuber
7. the total number of stripes for all the zebras is over 200.

When solving this did you use clue number seven?

2006-12-14 12:09:23 · 12 answers · asked by Hardcore 3