Dear Santa Clause
Dear Santa Clause
It's me Dan
I've tried to be good
as good as a child can
Sometimes I am bad
and it makes them mad
but I'll try and be good
so that I wont be sad
All I want is happiness
for everybody it's so
A joyfull Christmas
full of white snow
I'll be sure to leave cookies
right by the fireplace
fresh baked by yours truly
Mom says I'm a cooking ace!
All I want is love
Love for everybody
God loves us
even from way up above
His love for us is clear
Please Santa,
Give everyone a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!
i wrote that last night, please be very honest... it's supposed to be about a poor kid with a hard life.. who helps everybody ya' kno?
2006-12-14 13:04:14 · 16 answers · asked by Meaganboomc 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The words are very nice and it's a good poem, but...the rhythm is a little off. Each line in each stanze should have roughly the same amount of syllables so that it flows a little better. Take this for example:
"His love for us is clear
Please Santa,
Give everyone a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!"
The second line has only two syllables while the third line has nine.
And for this one:
"I'll be sure to leave cookies
right by the fireplace
fresh baked by yours truly
Mom says I'm a cooking ace!"
The very last line is a bit long and doesn't mesh as well with the other three. I would suggest shortening it a little, but still keeping the original meaning.
It's a bit disproportionate, so you might want to work on that. Over than that, it has a very inspirational message and really captures the spirit of the Christmas season. Good job and merry Christmas.
2006-12-14 15:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by Basti 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok...... but to pump it up I would add regular rhyming pattern to it. Add some similies, metaphor, some more stanza's. You might want to add some vivid verbs to it. When you are talking about the cookies you could use more verbs..... gooey, ooey, chocolateley, warm.....etc. nothing really makes it interesting to read, add some exciting stanza's in the middle, use words from old children books. Add more rhyme you got a dash of ryhme over here a dash of ryhme over there! make it regular! I hope you do this and people will love it!!!!! :-) :-)
2006-12-14 13:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by candacemcgee420 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It doesn't inevitably ought to rhyme even though it desires to hit my thoughts. i imagine readability of expression is major besides. i do not opt for to 2d wager what i'm interpreting about. I continuously search for what I time period "poetic gem stones"interior the textual content.
2016-11-30 19:16:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its pretty good , it's like something you would find in a children's book. Except truly and cookies don't rhyme.Is it supposed to rhyme?
2006-12-14 13:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by GellyBelly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
haha super funny...still looking for a good joke for me to tell
thumbs up
Justin
2006-12-14 16:47:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did a pretty good job kid! just make the words more sophisticated
2006-12-14 13:27:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, it is a good poem it lets people realize the way they should be on christmas
2006-12-14 13:21:38 · answer #7 · answered by cherylbooth 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that was very good u should publish it
2006-12-14 14:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by kayia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its lovely.
2006-12-14 13:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Awwwwwwww, it's cute!
I like it a lot :)
2006-12-14 13:06:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋