Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

God actually created woman first, but he gave her 3 boobs.
One day the woman asked God,
"If I have two arms, two legs, two ears,and two eyes, why do I have 3 boobs?"
God answered, " Well, the four legged animals each have six, so I though a two legged animal should have three, but if it really bothers you, I fix it."
The woman goes to sleep and God reached out and took the middle boob out.
A few weeks later the woman was talking to God again, and told him she was lonely and would like a mate to be with like the other animals.
"Ok, " God said looking around "Now where did I put that useless boob?"

2006-11-03 13:41:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Back in the early twenties, organ grinders used to go into bars with their pet monkeys and entertain the customers for tips. This particular grinder walks into a bar with his pet monkey and states that he can play any tune that they want to hear. With that, he perches the monkey on the end of the bar, and the monkey is hopping down the bar, when it plops his a-ss on top of a drunk's glass. The drunk yells, "Shay, old man, duh yah know your monkeys got his a-ss in my beer?"

The organ grinder replies, "No, but go ahead and hum a few bars, and I'll pick it up from there."

2006-11-03 13:37:16 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-11-03 13:31:44 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-03 13:09:14 · 19 answers · asked by La PiNKa 1

One night dream I am a wigwam, the next I dream I am a teepee. what does it mean?

2006-11-03 12:34:48 · 20 answers · asked by grapelady911 5

2006-11-03 12:32:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Quickie #1 Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, the other is the husband. Quiskie #2 mother superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you something, we have a case of gonorrhea in the convent. "thank god" said an elderly nun from the back, "I'm so sick of Chardonnay. Quickie #3 A polish immigrant went to th DMV to apply for a drivers licence, first of course he had to have an eye test. The optician showed him a card with the letters czwixmostacz "can you read this" asked the optician, read it replied the polish guy, I know him.

2006-11-03 12:22:40 · 4 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

On Christmas Eve Santa hitches his reindeer to his sleigh to deliver presents to deliver presents to all the girls and boys. What do the reindeer wives do? They go into town to blow a few bucks.

2006-11-03 12:15:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I heard it as a child. It's a very old horrible song goes like this:

I AM A VILLIAN, A DIRTY NASTY VILLIAN, I LEAVE A TRAIL OF BLOOD WHEREVER I GO.....
I BEAT LITTLE CHILDREN OVER THE HEAD UNTIL THEY'RE DEAD, AND I POISENED MY MOTHERS SHREDDED WHEAT.... AND i EAT..SLURP..RAW...SLURP...MEAT.

2006-11-03 12:05:08 · 8 answers · asked by mksjmyd 4

Gotta sing it out loud. lol

my 1 skin sits over my 2 skin, my 2 skin sits over my 3, my 3 skin sits over my 4 skin, pull back my 4 skin for me. lol

Thumbs up or down?

2006-11-03 11:53:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-03 11:51:33 · 18 answers · asked by thee wojc 2

2006-11-03 11:46:21 · 11 answers · asked by thee wojc 2

2006-11-03 11:45:43 · 17 answers · asked by reloadedin98 2

he's gross! and I think cheesy

2006-11-03 11:44:04 · 17 answers · asked by who me? 3

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

2006-11-03 11:41:06 · 9 answers · asked by i_love_ponys83 1

2006-11-03 11:36:41 · 15 answers · asked by Iris D. 1

Good bye everyone!!! I just got the last violation I'm going to get. I got a defamation violation notice for asking if John Kerry was Carl Rove's October surprise!!!! I'm out! I'm not going to hang on a site run by communist censoring Nazis! So fare well and see you 'round.

2006-11-03 11:32:43 · 8 answers · asked by Coo coo achoo 6

2006-11-03 11:23:13 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-03 11:21:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A group of prisoners are trapped in a forcefield. These prisoners are perfectly brave, meaning that they would attempt an escape on any positive probability of success. The prisoners are monitored by a guard who has only one bullet in his gun, but who also has perfect marksmanship skills (he never misses). A maintenance technician needs to tune up the forcefield generator, and so for one second, the forcefield is released. How can the guard still keep all the prisoners detained?
.............
..............
..............
.............
Start thinking!!!

2006-11-03 11:19:12 · 14 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

2006-11-03 11:18:24 · 5 answers · asked by courage 1

cry or just act it out

2006-11-03 11:12:55 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

you die and the devil says he'll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game. the devil sits you down at a round table. he gives himself and you a huge pile of quarters. he says "ok, we'll take turns putting quarters down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest on the table surface. the first guy who can't put a quarter down loses." you guys are about to start playing, and the devil says that he'll go first. however, at this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. you make this interjection because you are VERY SMART, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory. explain how you can guarantee victory...................................................
.................
................
.................
...............
LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

2006-11-03 11:08:05 · 6 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

there are 5 hats in a room
3 are red
2 are blue

1 guy goes and puts on a hat without, looking at it doesn't know what color it is
2nd guy does the same thing
3rd guy does the same thing but says he knows what color it is
what color is it and why?

2006-11-03 10:46:31 · 12 answers · asked by kerr to u 2

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you would let me go piss, you'd be a ten!"

2006-11-03 10:40:36 · 15 answers · asked by sxc gal 4 u 1

This joke cracks me up but my friends think I’m crazy please tell me what you think…

A duck walks in store and says

“ Hey Man, Ya got any grapes?”

The store clerk says “No we’re a convenience store we don’t sell grapes.”

Next day, the duck comes back and says

“ Ya got any grapes?”

The store clerk says

“No. we’re a convenience store we don’t sell grapes.”

The 3rd day the duck comes back and says

“ Ya got any grapes?”

The store clerk says

“Look I told you the 1st and 2nd time you came here that we don’t sell grapes!!! Now if you come in here asking me that one more time I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!!”

Next day the duck comes back and says

“ Ya’ got any nails?”

“No” says the clerk

“Good! Ya’ got any grapes??!!”

2006-11-03 10:36:40 · 20 answers · asked by ABYSS 2

Three friends check into a motel for the night and the clerk tells them the bill is $30, payable in advance.

So, they each pay the clerk $10 and go to their room. A few minutes later, the clerk realizes he has made an error and overcharged the trio by $5.

He asks the bellhop to return $5 to the 3 friends who had just checked in. The bellhop sees this as an opportunity to make $2 as he reasons that the three friends would have a tough time dividing $5 evenly among them; so he decides to tell them that the clerk made a mistake of only $3, giving a dollar back to each of the friends.

He pockets the leftover $2 and goes home for the day! Now, each of the three friends gets a dollar back, thus they each paid $9 for the room which is a total of $27 for the night. We know the bellhop pocketed $2 and adding that to the $27, you get $29, not $30 which was originally spent.


Where did the other dollar go????

2006-11-03 10:30:57 · 8 answers · asked by ABYSS 2

two mates are walking their dogs and one of them sugests going for a pint, the other goes "but the pub dnt allow dogs!". the other man replies dont worry follow my lead! the first man walks in and the barman goes sorry no dogs nd the man replies, but this is my guide dog, so the barman allows his dog in, then the nextt man goes in and the barman repates, sorry no dogs allowed, so the second man replies but this is my guide dog, to which the barman replies, very funny sir but they dont have chiwowas (however its spelt) as guide dogs, the man then shouts, WHAT THEY GAVE ME A CHIWOWA!!!!!

2006-11-03 10:25:28 · 19 answers · asked by DAZ4518 5

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

2006-11-03 10:23:13 · 35 answers · asked by sxc gal 4 u 1

He asks the director how he knows which people need to be there. The Director says that is is simple, they fill up a bath and offer people a Teaspoon, a Teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bath.

The man says 'oh because a normal person would choose the bucket because it is bigger?'

The Directer replies 'No, A normal person would pull the plug out'

2006-11-03 10:15:39 · 6 answers · asked by Karen C 2