two mates are walking their dogs and one of them sugests going for a pint, the other goes "but the pub dnt allow dogs!". the other man replies dont worry follow my lead! the first man walks in and the barman goes sorry no dogs nd the man replies, but this is my guide dog, so the barman allows his dog in, then the nextt man goes in and the barman repates, sorry no dogs allowed, so the second man replies but this is my guide dog, to which the barman replies, very funny sir but they dont have chiwowas (however its spelt) as guide dogs, the man then shouts, WHAT THEY GAVE ME A CHIWOWA!!!!!
2006-11-03 10:25:28 · 19 answers · asked by DAZ4518 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
a man walks into a posh expensive resturant/pub, he walks up to the bar and orders the most expensive pint, the barman goes "certainly! thats a penny!" the man looking confused pays the barman. he then looks at the menu and orders the most expensie fillet of steak, the barman replies "centainly! thats for pence!" the man now angry says "hold on!!! now then what going on? i want to speak to your manager! where is he?" the barman replies "he is upstairs doing the same thing to my wife as i am to his business!"
2006-11-03 10:26:35 · update #1
also add any of your own!
2006-11-03 10:26:52 · update #2
Great jokes. Love the second one.
2006-11-03 10:28:49 · answer #1 · answered by hockey craze99 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey!!! Those jokes were great!!! I mostly liked them cuz they were whitty. Very well presented too. I also liked them very much cuz they were clean- fun.
Lets see if I have some...
2 guys are in a forest looking at rare and unusual animals, Tim and John. Tim gets bit by a snake on the backside (bottum) and feels his legs start going numb. John calls the docter and says, "Doc, what do I do, Timmy's been bit by a snake." The doc then replies, "Go to the spot where he's been bit and suck out the poisen before it goes straight for his heart!!!" He hangs up, and Tim looks at John. John frowns and says, "Sorry Tim. Doc says your a gonner." Hah!!! ^_^ Howzthat!!!!
Another one...
Two women were in hell talking to eachother, Liz and Beth. Liz looks at beth and asks, "So, how did you die?" Beth says, "I froze to death in a freezer." Liz frowns, "That's a terrible death." Beth nods "Yeah- well, all's done. So, how did you die?" Liz replies, "Well, I knew my husband was cheating on me. I knew it, even though he kept denying it. I knew he was. So I came home early and found hime home so I searched and searched, and searched, and searched for the little ****. I looked hi and low. I checked every where, I knew she had to be somewhere there in the house so I kept looking and looking... until ...I died from exhaustion... Sad death, I know..." Beth's eyes go flat... "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer... otherwise we'd still be alive..." ^_^Ahhhh!!!!
One last one...
A preacher was talking to his friend John, and was very angry because his umbrella had gone missing, and it was one of his favorites. John looks at him and asks, "So what are you going to do about it? Who do you think took it?" The preacher bares his spiky teeth in anger and growls back in reply, "I don't know but this Sunday, I'm going to go over the ten commandments, and when I get to the part about thou shalt not steal, I'll look each and everyone in the eye so they will feel severe guilt and come into confession to me, so I will be reunited with my umbrella once again." John smiles savagely, "Sounds good!!!" Well Sunday comes and passes, and the next day, John asks the Preacher how it went, and if he had found the little thief who had stolen it. The preacher simply replies, "Well... I started reading off the ten commandments, .... but, when I came to the part saying, "Thou shalt not commit adultury," I remembered where I had left it..." ^_^ Hah!!!!
2006-11-03 10:51:36 · answer #2 · answered by smilebit7 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a gorilla, a dwarf, Adolf Hitler, a horse, an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. the barman says "whats this, some kind of joke?"
2006-11-03 10:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by DAVID H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Two guys are playing golf and are being held up by two ladies in front.
One says to the other "go and tell them to let us through". He says "I can't". "Of course you can, you're the club captain". So off he walks down the fairway but comes back in ten minutes. "I couldn't do it" he said. "One's my wife, the other's a lady I'm having an affair with. You'll have to do it"
So off the other one strides purposefully off down the fairway.
Ten minutes he's back.
"Small world isn't it?".
2006-11-03 10:34:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
very funny 9/10
2006-11-10 05:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant jokes.
2006-11-03 10:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by fajita 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOVING ALL THESE JOKES TONITE TA VERY MUCH xxxxxx
2006-11-08 09:26:20 · answer #7 · answered by no nonsence 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, someone who has been dumped is bound to call you a wanker.
Well done.
2006-11-03 10:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
good ones
2006-11-03 10:37:40 · answer #9 · answered by goodlookin.mama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tee heeeee
2006-11-03 21:26:29 · answer #10 · answered by bluebottle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋