Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-03 19:23:01 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

it has funniest answer

2006-11-03 19:10:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

what are some good harmless pranks to pull on people preferably to peoples cars and at night

2006-11-03 18:04:01 · 9 answers · asked by ask me a question! 2

This brainteaser, reportedly written by Einstein is difficult and Einstein said that 98% of the people in the world could not figure it out. Which percentage are you in?

There are five houses in a row in different colors. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The five owners drink a different drink, smoke a different brand of cigar and keep a different pet, one of which is a Walleye Pike. The question is-- who owns the fish?

Hints:
1. The Brit lives in the red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the left of the white house.
5. The green house owner drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Malls keeps birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhills.
8. The man living in the house right in the center drinks milk.
9. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
10. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the one who smokes Dunhills.
12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Princes.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

Remember, no cheating. ^_^ And if you can, tell us how you got the answer!

2006-11-03 17:46:43 · 17 answers · asked by g Myzo 2

Two drunks come out a bar and are weaving down the sidewalk. They see a dog licking his privates.
One drunk says "Gee, I wish I could do that." The other says "Why don't you try. He looks friendly."

2006-11-03 17:41:06 · 15 answers · asked by SlimPickins 1

two drunk guy´s walking down the steet , when they sudenly find some dog´s poopo , - be carefull dont step on that shiit -, say the first guy , -its not shiit - say the other one, its chocolate, , -no its not ,its shiit, - , - no, no, no, i say its chocolate.-
so he toke a little in his finger and taste it, - you see its chocolate- so the other one taste it too, - no its shiit.-, so again they bouth taste it until ther was no left, and the guy that think it was chocolate say, , - yes you are right its shitt, Luckly we didnt steep on it.

2006-11-03 17:36:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bill pilled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!" "What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired. "Last week," Bill explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, `My old man's home! My old man's home!'"

2006-11-03 17:20:13 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy who married this woman. Unfortunately, his d*** was too small, so every time they had sex he used a pickle instead of his d***. For seven year's he has been doing that. One night his wife suspect that something is wrong so while they are having sex she quickly threw the cover and turned on the lights! So the woman said, "What the h*ll is that, are you using a pickle on me. I am shocked, and for seven years you have been doing that, you piece of sh**." So the man said, "Shut the f*** up! It's been seven years and I never asked where the hell those kids came from!"

2006-11-03 17:12:23 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

You have a box with contents that are supposed to be very precious to you, but you have lost the key and cannot open the box without the key. If you try to force the box open in any way, such as smashing it open or picking the lock, the contents of the box will be permanently ruined. If you leave the box closed, obviously all you have is a box worth very little if un-openable. So, what would you do?

2006-11-03 17:04:37 · 26 answers · asked by d1228m 3

A city boy wanted to marry a country girl. She insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage. So off he goes to their farm to ask her father. "I want to marry your daughter". "Well, my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter." "I'll do anything for my love" says the young man.

"You see that cow out in the pasture? Well go screw it." A little puzzled the boy says, "OK, anything for my love" On his return of doing his deed, he asks, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope." says the father, "See that goat over yonder? Well, Go screw it." Again the boy obliges and returns saying, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope. Not yet -- one more thing. See that pig in the sty? Well go to it." Once again he obliges and returns. This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds just to marry his daughter.

So the father finally tells the boy, "Now you can marry my daughter." To which the boy replies, "SCREW YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT PIG?"

2006-11-03 16:55:25 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-03 16:52:35 · 16 answers · asked by shirin h 1

John woke up one morning with an enormous erection so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked him to bring it to his wife. The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. The note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to bring it to his wife. The note read:

The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Heather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. The note read:

I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand!

2006-11-03 16:43:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her..."

Sonny's mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

The father came home. As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you." "But why--" asked the startled father. "Go ahead, Sonny. Tell daddy just what you told me."

"Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with uncle John when daddy was away last summer."

2006-11-03 16:30:51 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

translate in english

2006-11-03 16:01:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are driving in your 2 seater car and you come to a stop sign. You look over and see 3 people at a bus stop who obviously need a ride. The people are: a friend of yours who saved your life and you never returned the favor, a sick old lady who needs to be taken to the hospital as fast as possible, and the woman (or man) of your dreams that you are most likely never going to see again.

Who are you going to take with you?

P.S. you can't put any of the people in the trunk, on the roof, etc.

Remember: the friend saved your life and you owe him the favor, the old lady is sick and needs to be taken to the hospital FAST, and you may never see the woman (or man) of your dreams again.

best answer gets 10 points (creativity counts)

2006-11-03 15:59:48 · 27 answers · asked by xcxf99 2

One night two robbers had just taken a load of corn. They heard the police after them and ran, as they ran they dropped two ears of corn. To hide from the police they went into a rave yard, they waited out the police and started to seperate the ears of corn saying "one for you and one for me" as they were busy doing that, a two drunk men passed by and heard them, they looked into the grave yard but couldn't see any thing they just heard "one for you and one for me" The drunkards said oh my gosh God and the Devil are seperating the dead!" Then they over heard one of the robbers say "Hey lets go back for the other two on the road!" The two drunkards ran!

well Its sounds better in spanish, but Hope it at least makes you smile!

2006-11-03 15:57:26 · 10 answers · asked by ηєvєrmorє 6

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

2006-11-03 15:52:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

This question is very simple, I am certain most people know the answer. Simply, explain your answer.

2006-11-03 15:48:33 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

gettin' HIGH?

2006-11-03 15:32:43 · 11 answers · asked by cob_89 2

Once again, it is dirty, so read at your own risk!!!
.....
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

2006-11-03 15:05:32 · 23 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

2006-11-03 15:03:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

three men were in heaven. god was giving them a secong chance in life. there was a gay guy, an italian guy, and a homeless guy. god says, " ill put you back on earth. but you cant do the thing you like to do most. the italian says," i cant make pizza anymore?" god says "no" the homeless guy says " i cant take money off the street anymore?" god says no. the gay guy says " i cant have it with guys anymore?" god says no. so tey were all sent back to earth. the italian sees a pizza parlor and walks inside.POOF! he disapeeres. then the homeless guy and the gay guy were walking and the homeless guy see $100 on the street. he bends over to pick it up and they both disapeer.

2006-11-03 14:47:53 · 12 answers · asked by DirtBikeRipper#10 1

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for my brother—he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one

2006-11-03 14:43:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's flailing around on Its back and can't get up,You recognise its plight but do nothing to help.....WHY???!

2006-11-03 14:40:50 · 23 answers · asked by snuffylover4 2

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started p****** on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his f*****' a**."

2006-11-03 14:10:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the answer to that joke they start to tell: "what do you get when you cross a gay eskimo with a black man?" I'm not being prejudiced, just curious

2006-11-03 14:03:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

i want to find black cigarette paper you can use to make your own cigs with,not already made cigarettes that are black.please help

2006-11-03 13:59:20 · 3 answers · asked by Peter Steele's ghost 1

There was this guy, he had 3 jobs, a singer, "me me me" a waiter, "forks and knives, forks and knives" and a divorce attorney, "divorce, divorce." One day a lady cam up to him and asked, who killed this woman, he said, "me me me!" the lady said, how`d ya do it, he said, "forks and knives, forks and knives." and then she said why`d ya do it? and he said, "divorce, divorce." so the lady called the cops, and the guy said, "I can`t go to jail, my ex-wifes funeral is tomorrow!" Do you get it?

2006-11-03 13:55:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart
attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.

2006-11-03 13:50:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is greater than God
More evil than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
And you eat it, you'll die.

Its driving me crazy!! Help!!!

2006-11-03 13:45:49 · 26 answers · asked by Gaia Weeps 3