There was this guy, he had 3 jobs, a singer, "me me me" a waiter, "forks and knives, forks and knives" and a divorce attorney, "divorce, divorce." One day a lady cam up to him and asked, who killed this woman, he said, "me me me!" the lady said, how`d ya do it, he said, "forks and knives, forks and knives." and then she said why`d ya do it? and he said, "divorce, divorce." so the lady called the cops, and the guy said, "I can`t go to jail, my ex-wifes funeral is tomorrow!" Do you get it?
2006-11-03 13:55:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
omg i get it!!!!
i think...
the ded lady was his ex-wife?
2006-11-03 13:57:15 · answer #1 · answered by zoechick186 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah! That was funny- classic. I Think I actually heard that one before, but a little differentl- can't remember- Very well presented btw- anyway- I've already used these, but I think you might like them- Enjoy!
Lets see if I have some...
2 guys are in a forest looking at rare and unusual animals, Tim and John. Tim gets bit by a snake on the backside (bottum) and feels his legs start going numb. John calls the docter and says, "Doc, what do I do, Timmy's been bit by a snake." The doc then replies, "Go to the spot where he's been bit and suck out the poisen before it goes straight for his heart!!!" He hangs up, and Tim looks at John. John frowns and says, "Sorry Tim. Doc says your a gonner." Hah!!! ^_^ Howzthat!!!!
Another one...
Two women were in hell talking to eachother, Liz and Beth. Liz looks at beth and asks, "So, how did you die?" Beth says, "I froze to death in a freezer." Liz frowns, "That's a terrible death." Beth nods "Yeah- well, all's done. So, how did you die?" Liz replies, "Well, I knew my husband was cheating on me. I knew it, even though he kept denying it. I knew he was. So I came home early and found hime home so I searched and searched, and searched, and searched for the little ****. I looked hi and low. I checked every where, I knew she had to be somewhere there in the house so I kept looking and looking... until ...I died from exhaustion... Sad death, I know..." Beth's eyes go flat... "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer... otherwise we'd still be alive..." ^_^Ahhhh!!!!
One last one...
A preacher was talking to his friend John, and was very angry because his umbrella had gone missing, and it was one of his favorites. John looks at him and asks, "So what are you going to do about it? Who do you think took it?" The preacher bares his spiky teeth in anger and growls back in reply, "I don't know but this Sunday, I'm going to go over the ten commandments, and when I get to the part about thou shalt not steal, I'll look each and everyone in the eye so they will feel severe guilt and come into confession to me, so I will be reunited with my umbrella once again." John smiles savagely, "Sounds good!!!" Well Sunday comes and passes, and the next day, John asks the Preacher how it went, and if he had found the little thief who had stolen it. The preacher simply replies, "Well... I started reading off the ten commandments, .... but, when I came to the part saying, "Thou shalt not commit adultury," I remembered where I had left it..." ^_^ Hah!!!!
2006-11-03 23:18:01 · answer #2 · answered by smilebit7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was very funny lmao .................................... here's one for you ...............................................................................'\
. The Blind Man & The Dog
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started p****** on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his f*****' a**."
2006-11-03 22:20:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lmao the ex wife lol
2006-11-03 21:58:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is going to kill his wife today and attend her funeral tomorrow.
2006-11-03 21:58:26 · answer #5 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think i actually got 1 - the dead lady was his ex wife - right?
2006-11-03 22:03:05 · answer #6 · answered by momatendofrope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get it but it's not really that funny, nice try though.
2006-11-03 22:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't get the joke
2006-11-03 22:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by brain_boy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have absoultly no clue i am sure it is something very obvious but i cant figure it out
2006-11-03 21:59:05 · answer #9 · answered by tkbl200 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was good but lame at the same time
2006-11-03 22:02:13 · answer #10 · answered by christina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋