Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-05 04:13:55 · 14 answers · asked by Astrid S 1

if you got 12 fishes an 3 drown howmany do
you got know

2006-11-05 04:06:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

(a simple funny question)

2006-11-05 04:02:04 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-05 03:50:10 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your phone bill is the equivalent of the international debt.

Plenty of other Paris Hilton jokes to make us go around.

2006-11-05 03:45:33 · 12 answers · asked by blooutflash 3

2006-11-05 03:44:43 · 11 answers · asked by fstino86 2

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really, " he said, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait."Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."

2006-11-05 03:31:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-05 02:39:48 · 11 answers · asked by cool 1

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For f*** sake, it's 2am in the b***** morning!!"

2006-11-05 02:30:34 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy & a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing!"

2006-11-05 02:26:20 · 13 answers · asked by Citizen 1

There's some beauty in mamals and even fish, but bugs are ugly. Why?

2006-11-05 02:23:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.

"The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

2006-11-05 02:12:43 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Irishman out walking in the park got hit on the back of his head by a boomerang.He shoutted " who true dat??????"

2006-11-05 02:04:08 · 9 answers · asked by Alig Ator 1

dont no if this is a old one but,you can put it in your tea! Not garrenteed to keep yer "pecker" up,but definately stop your biscuit going soggy!!!!

2006-11-05 01:55:02 · 15 answers · asked by Alig Ator 1

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

2006-11-05 01:49:35 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

After three days seclusion in a hotel room, the honeymoon couple finally agreed to go out for an evening. Calling a bellhop, the groom was informed about the various shows in town.
"Hey, Honey", he shouted to his little wife who was taking a shower, "Do you want to see Oliver Twist"?
The bride screamed back, "If you show me any more tricks with that thing, I'm going home to Mother"!

2006-11-05 01:47:12 · 9 answers · asked by jfmm 7

A rich man just built a new portch in his yard and had to paint it but it would take to long to do it so he hired a blond to do it she was happy to get some exxtra cash. IN an hour she told him she was done. the man was suprized on how fast she did the painting. he went outside to see the porch and it was not painted. she says to the man "by the way thats a lamergini not a porche"

2006-11-05 01:39:16 · 11 answers · asked by Rhiannon. Stay[[+]] 4

On their wedding night the young bride went up to her husband.
"Since we are married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not want sex. And if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex".
"Okar, Sweetheart", the groom replied. "Just make sure, when I come home, I have a drink ready. If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not want sex. But if I have three drinks, your hair doesn't really matter"!

2006-11-05 01:36:14 · 12 answers · asked by jfmm 7

A coach driver is taking a party of blind people to the sea side on a hot summers day. On the way he decides to have a break by calling into a pub. The blind people are quite happy to play football (with a special ball that has a bell in it) in the field at the back of the pub. After 20 minutes, a policeman enters the pub asking who's in charge of the blind people. The driver says "I am and whats the problem" the policeman says " I've arrested them for kicking the crap out of some morris dancers"

2006-11-05 01:20:05 · 20 answers · asked by Les-Paul 3

Why shouldn't you make friends mith a midget with learning difficulties, cos it's not big and it's not clever,
It's an old joke that's been on YA a few times before, so Now along with Racism, Sexism, and Ageism we now have wait for it... MIDGETISM ,
I WISH TO APOLOGISE TO ANY MIDGETS WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN OFFENDED BY THIS JOKE .
So in future I will stick to telling jokes about muslims, jews,and Irish so as not to offend anyone.

2006-11-05 01:17:43 · 38 answers · asked by jabelite 3

One day about a month ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge---a blonde , a brunette , and a redhead. To the blonde he said , "I am the president of the united states. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question , and she replied, "One hundred dollars. "He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied, "Mr. President , if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes.... Get my panties as low as my wages...get that thing of yours as hard as the times... Keep it high as the gas prices...keep me warmer than my apartment...and...screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President , it ain't gonna cost you a cent."

2006-11-05 01:09:49 · 18 answers · asked by sxc gal 4 u 1

A blonde was speeding down the road followed closely by a police car driven by a blonde policewoman, after an hour the blonde driver stops, the policewoman pulls up beside her and asks to see her driving license.
The blonde fumbles about in her handbag and comes out with a mirror, she looks in it and then passes it to the policewoman, the policewoman takes the mirror, looks in it and says "Oh, your a policewoman too, well drive carefully next time!"

2006-11-05 01:07:56 · 18 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side."

Bush interrupted, "Well, that's normal, isn't it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"

The doctor replied, "That's true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on the right side there isn't anything left."

2006-11-05 01:03:51 · 16 answers · asked by sxc gal 4 u 1

The husband strangles his wife, yet he is able to get her body home un-noticed.

How?

2006-11-05 00:55:56 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get others to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there.
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us"?
"Sure", said the janitor. He took them to the bathroom, and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at the time.
"Now go out and play", he told them.
After they were outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are"?
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, they pour water on you".
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water".
"We're not Methidiss, 'cause they just sprinkle you".
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water"?
"Yeah! What do you think that means"?
" Well. I think it means we're Pisscopalians"!

2006-11-05 00:49:58 · 6 answers · asked by jfmm 7

What row of numbers comes next in this series?
1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

2006-11-05 00:44:10 · 5 answers · asked by aufrecht_melcher_grossaspach_05 1

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at
her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What
was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no
plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must
be the person who took our phone book."


I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday . ~Hugsss~

2006-11-05 00:39:52 · 12 answers · asked by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5

2006-11-05 00:25:24 · 8 answers · asked by Psychodelic Chicken 5

If you spell out numbers, how high will you have to go till you get your first A?

2006-11-05 00:22:51 · 9 answers · asked by Psychodelic Chicken 5

if it is on cable television please let me know what channel and what time!!! thn i appreciate this cyber sunday is on today nov.5

2006-11-05 00:18:37 · 4 answers · asked by musicisimportant118 1