Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

A widow

2006-11-04 12:38:33 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

In a bus, a lady hears 2 Jamaican men engaged in a discussion: "Emma come 1st den I come. Den 2 asses come togeder. I come once-a-more. 2 asses, dey come togeder agen. I come agen and pee twice. Den I come one lasta tym."

Lady: " you foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed man!!! in this country we don't speak aloud about our sex lives in public places!!!"

Jamaican: " hey, coola down lady, hu tokin abouta sex? Ima justa tellina my frienda how to spella MISSISSIPPI." ;-)

2006-11-04 12:35:05 · 13 answers · asked by ♥Sapphire 7

Are you ready to laugh?
I recieved these 2 jokes from a SSGT in the Airforce in response to some of my jokes and just had to share them with everyone! I don't know his name but I want to give credit where it's due. Hope you find them as funny as I did. Let me know, Thanks.

Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new anti-terrorism process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking.

After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.

"I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation. They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue talking. A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens.

Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!" George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan?"

______________________________...

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

2006-11-04 12:15:22 · 27 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

Ten men’s, strength, ten men’s length, ten men can’t break it, yet a child can walk away with it. What is it?

2006-11-04 12:13:27 · 6 answers · asked by collector_cliff 3

2006-11-04 12:00:39 · 24 answers · asked by collector_cliff 3

2006-11-04 11:50:54 · 16 answers · asked by collector_cliff 3

he he he

2006-11-04 11:35:14 · 25 answers · asked by cheap watch 2

2006-11-04 11:32:04 · 18 answers · asked by It Co$t To Be Around The Bo$$ 4

I think it's because of my genealogy.

2006-11-04 11:23:50 · 8 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5

Im sitting here by the computer staring at some play-Doh. Shold I eat it?

2006-11-04 11:07:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Click on this page

http://www.eyetricks.com/scary_optical_illusion2.htm

Look at the pic, you'll see a room, there's something not quite right with it.

1st to come back with the answer gets 10 points.

Hint: concentrate on the centre of the room, it might take you a minute to get it

I love this puzzle and you'll know why once you'ved sussed the answer

2006-11-04 11:05:25 · 31 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

this is a riddle ===
If your mother is a lawn mower, and your dad is a garden rake, how many pancakes can you fit in a dog house?

2006-11-04 10:35:41 · 6 answers · asked by johnny_v_218 1

Three women, a brunette and two blondes were rock climbing and hanging from a rope. The rope was beginning to get weak and the brunette said:
"One of us has to let go and sacrifice our life so the other two can live, the rope can no longer hold three of us."
All three women hung there and looked at eachother until the brunette looked up and said:
"Ok, I see can nobody is going to volunteer so I will let go and you two can climb to the top and reach safety."
The two blondes gave her a round of applause.

2006-11-04 10:33:52 · 22 answers · asked by ? 2

Dropalotapopov
(drop a lot of pop off)

2006-11-04 10:22:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-04 10:11:20 · 73 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-04 10:09:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can anyone report a joke because it's not a question or answer? It was one of my first - dictionary of what women and men really mean! Daft!

You have posted content to Yahoo! Answers in violation of our Community Guidelines. As a result, your content has been deleted.

Deleted Question: Dictionary for womens ads in the personal columns?

2006-11-04 09:49:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can anyone report a joke because it's not a question or answer? It was one of my first - dictionary of what women and men really mean! Daft!

2006-11-04 09:46:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

why does something tickle?
whats a hiccup?
why do we cry?

2006-11-04 09:44:40 · 7 answers · asked by *Miss C* 3

2006-11-04 09:43:32 · 13 answers · asked by BUSHIDO 7

Jim and Johnny die in a boating accident. Jim goes to heaven and Johnny goes to hell.
One day Jim looks down at Johnny in hell. Johnny has a beer in his hand and a blonde
on his lap. Jim gets pissed off, so he goes to God and says, "What is this? I think
I want to go to hell. Just look at my friend down there."

God says, "Look closer. The beer has a hole in the bottom, and the blonde doesn't."

2006-11-04 09:34:53 · 9 answers · asked by jazi 5

Driving to work this morning on the Motorway, I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 mph with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!! It scared me (I'm a man ) so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand! In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE ROUND TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!!!

F****NG WOMEN DRIVERS !!!!!!

2006-11-04 09:29:16 · 28 answers · asked by Warlock Fiend 4

Irish girl phones her mom and say's mom i tink me waters have broke...................... mom replies holy jeesus where u ringin from? from the waist down replies her daughter.

2006-11-04 09:21:11 · 21 answers · asked by roytheboy432000 1

one day on thanksgiving dinner a mom and dad where having a fight the mom called the dad a bastard and the dad called the mom a ***** so billy asked his brother what ***** and bastard meant and he said ladies and gentlemen then the dad went upstairs and mom went into the kitchen then billy went upstairs and his dad was shaving and cut himself and said **** and billy asked his dad what **** meant and he said shaving andthen billy went downstairs and his mom cut herself and said **** and billy said "mom what does **** mean" and she said cutting and then the guests came and billy said... "hello bitchs and bastards my dads upstairs shiting his face and moms in the kitchen ******* the turkey"

2006-11-04 09:19:03 · 12 answers · asked by Akafuritjuice 2

here it is
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1127981601/Woman_Finds_A_Turd_In_Her_Car

2006-11-04 09:18:23 · 7 answers · asked by DGabbys 2

2006-11-04 09:13:00 · 18 answers · asked by fivelighters 4

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks.While
they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking
about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it,the more excited she gets,and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar.
A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink
the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink
the lime juice."
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant.
HeThinks - this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

To be continued in a mo......

2006-11-04 09:03:03 · 5 answers · asked by Warlock Fiend 4

I found a lovely flower,
In the jokes & Riddles corner.
Her name starts and ends with “A”
I got two ten points from her…
And then she just flew away.
Can anyone guess her name???
"A****a" will you please answer???

2006-11-04 09:03:01 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Yorkshire man was making arrangements with the stonemason for his wife's gravestone. "What do you want on it?" said the stonemason. "Just engrave "She were Thine" "Right" said the stonemason leave it with me. When the man returned he noticed that the stonemason had made a mistake and the inscription read. "She were thin" "You've left the 'e' off" he said to the stonemason. "Oh sorry, I'll correct it". The following week the man returned to see the final engraving which now read. "E she were thin"

2006-11-04 09:01:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie!

2006-11-04 09:01:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous