Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

try answer this riddle:
im weightless
and if i get added to a barrel i make the barrel lighter

try that!

2006-11-05 07:04:58 · 10 answers · asked by jodie w 1

2006-11-05 06:47:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

two gay men wake up one morning, gordon says to julian " i really fancy a handjob". julian replies "can we have coffee first" gordon sulks and says " ok i guess i can wait but hurry up i am feeling fruity". julian gets up walks out of the room to go and goes to make the coffee and says to gordon " promise you will wait", the reluctant gordon promises to wait.

5 minutes later julian returns armed with 2 cups of coffee and screams when he walks into the room. there is c*m all over the ceiling, the floor , the curtains, its everywhere, "gordon you promised me" he says and gordon replies " i didnt have a wa*k i farted"

2006-11-05 06:44:28 · 19 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-11-05 06:39:40 · 10 answers · asked by ellissa h 1

the older they get the easier they become to pick up

2006-11-05 06:38:51 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the minimum number of jellybeans she must take out of her pocket to ensure that she has one of each color?

2006-11-05 06:34:27 · 11 answers · asked by Michael V 1

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

2006-11-05 06:32:43 · 24 answers · asked by Alicat 6

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time".
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you"

2006-11-05 06:30:12 · 24 answers · asked by Alicat 6

I know you're thinking WHAT? Thats what I thought if anyone can explain how this is funny I would be most grateful

2006-11-05 06:26:35 · 13 answers · asked by dotty 5

a blonde in a disco meets up with an old friend, they get talking and decide to take the party back to her flat, sitting drinking coffee she lifts her skirt and takes his hands and places it on her fannee, she whispers to him slide one finger inside me, so he does, she then says thats nice slide in another 2, so he does, getting seriously aroused she says slide in your whole hand, he does, geting excited she says slide in the other hand, he does, she then says clap your hands, he tries and fails and replies i cant, to which she says "see told you i had a tight pus*y"

2006-11-05 06:24:55 · 18 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-11-05 06:09:03 · 4 answers · asked by fstino86 2

Jordans eldest son

2006-11-05 06:03:58 · 19 answers · asked by jabelite 3

a gramdpa and a grandson were walking in the park. there were 2 dogs doing it. the grandson asked his grandpa what are those dogs doing? the grandpa says well you see the dog in the back he has a sore leg so the one in the front is helping him out. the grandson then says thats a lot like life. the grandpa says how is that? grandson says you try to give a hand and you always end up fu**ed

2006-11-05 05:55:36 · 14 answers · asked by lovecats14 4

Ok this guy is out on the town and looking for the best pint of guinness ever. He tries a few bars, the pints were ok but not the best ever. A barman tells him to try a pub across town and promised him the best pint of guinness ever.

So the guy arrives outside the bar. The trouble is the bar is located on the tenth floor of the building. So the guy shrugs his shoulders and climbs the 10 flights of stairs hoping to get the best pint of guinness ever. He finally reaches the top of the stairs and walks into the bar. He walks over to the bar tender and asks if it is true that he sells the best pint of guinness ever. Standing beside the bar is another man. The man says that every time he finishes his pint of guinness he feels soo good that he jumps out the window of the 10th floor and runs back up the stairs in no time totally unhurt. The guy said yeah right I dont believe you. Sure enough when the man finished his pint he crashed through the window and was back up the stairs

2006-11-05 05:50:05 · 6 answers · asked by K 2

christopher reeves in a house fire lol

2006-11-05 05:47:08 · 19 answers · asked by fomut32 1

2006-11-05 05:44:04 · 34 answers · asked by lisa w 3

2006-11-05 05:40:33 · 12 answers · asked by sunny4life 4

2006-11-05 05:39:12 · 20 answers · asked by lisa w 3

2006-11-05 05:30:09 · 13 answers · asked by Philidor 5

there was this woman who was actually once a man before being a transvestite then had the op, well once apon a time she was black before catching micheal jackson syndrome and turning white, although she was blonde she was a member of mensa.and she was fat really fat and a midget did i forget she was born a jew and turned into a muslim and oh i forget she was in a wheelchair for a while, did i miss anything ?
well anyway i married her and if you think thats funny you should see our kids



so whilst you all are complaining about being persecuted think what we go through and anyway why are you reading this? i said do not read

its a joke so stop moaning about the content and go to somewhere that gives a damn

2006-11-05 05:16:20 · 19 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-11-05 05:12:30 · 3 answers · asked by Shorty 2

head, and it TROD on my hand,as I was trying to leave the bar

2006-11-05 05:00:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The red can only lie, the green, only tell the truth.
He sees two natives on the shore. But they are in the deep shade and he can't tell their colors.
He calls out "Are you red or green?"
The first native answers, but his answer is lost in the rush of the waters and the explorer asks "What did you say?"
The second one answers "He says he's green. He is green and so am I."
What are the colors of the natives?
Please give your answer and your reasoning behind the answer.

2006-11-05 04:59:56 · 9 answers · asked by Everyman 3

2006-11-05 04:55:28 · 13 answers · asked by sally t 1

My guess is somewhere in the ballpark of 20

2006-11-05 04:50:31 · 15 answers · asked by Christy H 3

2006-11-05 04:48:40 · 21 answers · asked by Annie 1

if I throw this boomerang round the club does anyone think it will come back to me. Fella at the back says " aye pal it will, and a f***ing sight faster than you threw it if it hits me"!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-05 04:44:30 · 12 answers · asked by Shredder 6

born in Ireland?. Beacuase they couldn't find a virgin and three wise men!!!!!

2006-11-05 04:36:42 · 19 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Little Johnny hears the word ***** at school. So he goes home and asks his mom "What does ***** mean". His mom answers "***** means people like you and me". Then Johnny hears the word ****. So he asks his mom what it means his mom says "**** means food". Johnny hears ****. Being the curious person he is he asks his mom. She says "**** means changing clothes". Then his mom says "Johnny the presindent is comming so answer the door and tell him that the foods on the table and me and your dad are changing clothes up stairs". When the president comes Johnny says "Hi *****, the shits on the table and my mom and dad are ******* up stairs".

2006-11-05 04:27:03 · 10 answers · asked by Alex_C 2

There is this guy who came to America to learn how to speak English. So he thought he would start the night out by going to an Opera House and the Opera lady sings, "Me, me, ME-E!" So then the guy sings, "Me, me, ME-E!" Then he goes to a restraunt. "The chef is like, "Forks and knives forkes and knives." So then the guy repeats,"Forks and knives forkes and knives."
Then after all that he goes to his hotel and watch TV. There is an airfreshener commercial that sings, "Plug it in, Plug it in." So before going to bed the guy sings, "Plug it in, Plug it in."
When he woke up, he got ready to have more fun out in America. But when he opens the hotel doors, he shockingly finds a murder scene. The cops came up to him asking "Do you know who did this?" Then the guy, knowing little English, said "Me, me, ME-E!" "What did you kill him with?" they asked. "Forks and knives, forks and knives." We're putting you in an electric chair. Any last words?" The guy sings proudly,"Plug it in, Plug it in!"

2006-11-05 04:17:26 · 26 answers · asked by ?I AM LISA! HEAR ME RAWRZ 1