Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

SERVICE??

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." "The act of doing things for other people." Then I heard the terms Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City/County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows. "Whoa" It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

2006-11-07 22:41:59 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

if anyone has a math joke to share, please submit it to me. it is okay if it is not that funny, as long as it is a MATH joke. just don't submit the "why is six afraid of 7" or "why is 10 afraid of 9" joke ok?... thanks...

2006-11-07 22:40:46 · 4 answers · asked by four_eyed_ninja 3

2006-11-07 21:54:12 · 13 answers · asked by Mahi 1

what is in the edge of the world, it's not on me or you, dogs have it, but cats don't. David has 2? what is it...

2006-11-07 21:52:55 · 14 answers · asked by Oh! Crud 3

there is a one word in question which u hav to fill . if u know the right answer . u r genious ..

2006-11-07 21:49:47 · 23 answers · asked by shadow_ofindia 1

Until i fell into the sink :(

2006-11-07 21:43:55 · 4 answers · asked by misseighteen 3

This guy was very keen on doing Ph.D.He and was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the cockroach and put it in the centreof the table and said "Run".
The cockroach ran.
He pulled out one leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run".
The cockroach ran.
He pulled one more leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run".
The cockroach ran.
This way the cockroach tried to run even when it had just one leg.
He pulled last leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run".
The cockroach could not!
He was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis

"WHEN YOU PULL OUT ALL THE LEGS OF A COCKROACH, IT CANNOT HEAR ANYMORE".

2006-11-07 21:28:45 · 30 answers · asked by Pd 6

that happen once in the morning..twice in mid-morning... none in the afternoon...once in mid-afternoon.. and visible at night...?

2006-11-07 21:22:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

also old, but funny

2006-11-07 21:02:34 · 16 answers · asked by jrobertson9907 1

A three legged dog walks into the saloon and announces,im alookin fer the man what shot my paw

2006-11-07 20:43:08 · 21 answers · asked by David 4

I can never ever remember jokes and the group of people I know are always telling them... I want to make them laugh for a change!
Please help?

xx

2006-11-07 20:42:56 · 35 answers · asked by *BURNY* 5

Miss Bea, the church ORGANIST, was in her eighties and had never been married she was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One day Pastor visited her home and she invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing the ORGAN kept in the sitting room, the young Pastor noticed a glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, a condom! Imagine his shock, and curiosity surprise!! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to talk. The Pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating condom, but finally he could resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
"Oh yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last year and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to open and put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know....I haven't had a cold all winter!"

2006-11-07 20:42:36 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

The general theory is, that the larger the mass, the more energy it has, this being the case, why are fat people slower than thin people? logic would dictate Einstien is wrong

2006-11-07 20:23:22 · 20 answers · asked by Pope my ride! 4

is round at his girl friends waiting for her to get ready. Her mother asks him if he would like a cup of tea and piece of cake while he is waiting. Thanks says the lad that would be nice. She brings them in on a tray and leaves him to it. After a few minuets she comes back and just as she enters the room the dog is sat in front of the young fella licking it's b*****ks, feeling a bit embarassed and not knowing quite what to say tells the mother "very supple that dog I wish I could do that!!. Give him some cake she says, he might let you!!!!!!!

2006-11-07 20:23:05 · 17 answers · asked by Shredder 6

a woman shoots here husband ,she drowns him in water ,than she hangs him?

2006-11-07 20:05:07 · 16 answers · asked by magnet boy 1

it is a riddle.please answer me soon

2006-11-07 19:55:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop who was standing off to the side,waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind them, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money. when you and me is doing basically the same work?"
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic "Try to do it when the engine is running."

2006-11-07 19:51:14 · 28 answers · asked by Pd 6

4........2 in the back and 2 in the front
What did the man say when he saw four elephants in a mini coming over the hill?



Look here come four elephants

How do you know when an elephant has been in the fridge?



Foot prints in the butter

2006-11-07 19:48:57 · 24 answers · asked by John-Boy 1

An American couple - an English couple and a couple from Glasgow -

They are all sitting having breakfast and the American man says to his wife - pass the honey, honey

The Englishman says to his wife - pass the sugar, sugar

The Scotsman says to his wife - pass the milk ya cow!

2006-11-07 19:37:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-07 19:35:33 · 15 answers · asked by neeti 1

2006-11-07 19:11:46 · 17 answers · asked by neeti 1

Mother superior was dying, Sister Mary Ann was sitting by her bedside, comforting her and reminishing about the old times. Sister Mary Ann asked the Mother Superior about the time they gone to to the zoo some 50yrs before. Suddenly she seen a tear appear in the corner of Mother Superiors eye. Sister Mary Ann asked "When that gorilla pulled you into the cage and raped you, I have to ask did it hurt." Morther superior screamed "did it hurt , did it hurt, of course it hurt he never wrote, never phoned

2006-11-07 19:10:36 · 18 answers · asked by scousey1505 1

A little boy wanted to know what it was like to have R1, 000. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $1, 000.

When the post office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to President Bush. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $20. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $20 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows; "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through the government. As usual, those thieves deducted $980 for tax."

2006-11-07 19:00:43 · 15 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

There’s a 4 character number in my head falling within the reach of 1,001 to 8,008. Tell me the characters//

“Yes there is a correct answer. Good luck.”

2006-11-07 18:45:18 · 15 answers · asked by aufrecht_melcher_grossaspach_05 1

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper."

"So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she."

( I figure this guy will be the one on the milk carton! )

2006-11-07 18:43:34 · 14 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

There was a clerk in a small town general store in the South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began filling a shopping cart with items.

This man was so distinctive in that he could have been the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was dressed in black, very tall and had a hat just like the Quaker Oats man on the box. The clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let alone talked to one.

When the man reached the counter with his selections the clerk could hardly contain himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was ringing up the merchandise.

"Yes," the tall man said, coldly.

"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real Quaker?"

The man, looking a little annoyed, said, "Yes, I am a real Quaker."

"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk for me?"

The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to be tallied up.

As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please mister, say something in Quaker talk?"

The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture of secrecy.

The clerk leaned forward in order to hear the quiet reply.

The man said, "Screw thee, ye **********."

2006-11-07 18:40:44 · 9 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon and shouts, "Excuse me, can you pls help? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago but I don't know where I am" The man below says, "Yes you are in a balloon hovering approx.30 feet. You are btwn 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and btwn 58 and 60 deg West longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist"everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost. The man below says "You must be a manager "I am" replies the balloonist "how did you know?"
"Well" says the man "you don't know where you are. You have made a promise and no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the same position you were in before we met but now it is somhow my falut"

2006-11-07 18:13:26 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-11-07 18:13:25 · 11 answers · asked by spongebob 1

Englishman, Frenchman and an Italian guy chatting in a pub.

The Italian says, "When I'vea finished a makina da love with my girlfriend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy".

The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".

The Englishman says, "Mate, that's nothing. When I've finished shagging my bird, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick on the curtains. She hits the fu*king roof!!

2006-11-07 18:09:17 · 23 answers · asked by lataliano 3

what side of the bed were my slippers on?

2006-11-07 18:08:37 · 10 answers · asked by Big hands Big feet 7