Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

A Chinese gent went looking for work in the mines.He was asked to sign in and wait in line. After a while, he was called to the head of the line. He was put in charge of supplies. The Chinaman ran into the mine and wasn't heard from for three days. At last a group of miners went in to search for him. As they turned a corner, the Chinaman jumped out, waving his arms,hollering,"Supplies. Supplies".

2006-11-08 12:36:02 · 5 answers · asked by ? 4

Your a steam train driver and the steam train is driving at 1000km per hour there coming up to a dead end and someone on the train notices they try to call the drivers name but what is the drivers name ?

2006-11-08 12:35:02 · 12 answers · asked by dilemma 2

i ve told you once i ll tell you again what was the sailors name

2006-11-08 12:32:14 · 10 answers · asked by dilemma 2

It was a beutiful sunday morning when the wife woke up to see the frightning sight of her husband dead.
She questioned all the people in the house and here is what they replied:
butler was making breakfast
maid was getting the mail
gardner was watering the tulips
limo driver was getting gas
and the wife was sleeping

who did it and why do you know

2006-11-08 12:20:42 · 20 answers · asked by nafarius333 2

How do you get out of a room with no windows or anything but solid wall. Using only a mirror table.

2006-11-08 12:15:52 · 10 answers · asked by nafarius333 2

its only eight Questions!

http://brainpuke.com/tests/hygiene/index.shtml

2006-11-08 12:15:30 · 13 answers · asked by ~brigit~ 5

This guy is in prison an he has no reasorses.He can't fly , make a boat out of any thing and he can't clime.Were he was the water was cold.So how did he get to an other island?

2006-11-08 12:15:22 · 11 answers · asked by samantha h 2

A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and yells, “PIG! ”

The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back, “WITCH!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

2006-11-08 12:10:10 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-08 11:55:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build our immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open doors and windows whenever possible. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can. Get plenty of rest.
OR
Take the doctor's approach. Think about it... When you go for a shot, what do they do first? They Clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS. So..
I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)

2006-11-08 11:49:51 · 6 answers · asked by akelaamy 5

The brochure says that modern cruise liners have two screws. I've just come back from a cruise and I think it depends on how often you leave your cabin door open. Sorry- I'm still coming down from a heavenly trip.

2006-11-08 11:40:01 · 23 answers · asked by Harriet 5

Tramp sheltering in a doorway in winter, the sleet is belting down & the wind is howling. A policeman moves him on even though the tramps' blue with the cold. Fighting the elements he shuffles along crossing a high bridge, he looks over the side & sees a painter's cradle with a tarpaulin inside. He climbs down into the cradle, & pulls the tarpaulin over him & settles down. 5 mins. later he hears a voice, looks up & sees a gorgeous young blonde. ' You can't stay in there all night' she says,'come up here'. He climbs & up sees a limousine. 'Get in' she tells him, so he does. They stop at a beautiful mansion which she owns. 'Go straight up the main staircase, you'll find a bathroom, have a bath & a shave, use the after shave & deodarants, put on one of the silk robes, pour 2 glasses of champagne, climb into the 4 poster bed & wait for me there. He does as he's told & she comes in wearing a see through baby doll nightie. 'Move over!' she says...He does so........And fell out the cradle!!

2006-11-08 11:39:03 · 12 answers · asked by kev3753 1

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.

4. Sex has no calories.

5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.

8. No sex with anyone in the same office.

9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12. Virginity can be cured.

13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.

16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.

17. It is always the wrong time of month.

18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

22. The younger the better.

23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

27. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.

28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

29. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.

30. Love is a hole in the heart.

31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

33. Do it only with the best.

34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.

36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

39. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.

40. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.

41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

42. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.

43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.

44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

46. Never say no.

47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.

48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

52. Love comes in spurts.

53. The world does not revolve on an axis.

54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

56. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.

57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

60. “This won’t hurt, I promise,”

2006-11-08 11:33:26 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Believe it or not, they do! Check out these things we use in our daily lives, who would have though!?!

Ziploc bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A tire is male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A hot air balloon is male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A web page is female, because it's always getting hit on.

A subway is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An hourglass is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A hammer is male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A remote control is female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying!

2006-11-08 11:31:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any kind of jokes will be great! If you can find any blond jokes please let me know!!

2006-11-08 11:25:36 · 6 answers · asked by Mickie 1

what is a singer that cannot dance?
well just answer it and ill give you pionts if you have a picture that is really uglie

2006-11-08 11:24:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sometimes words are not enough
To express a person's gratitude
Life's not easy-often tough
Thus my humble attitude.

Please forgive me, pretty please
And make my Xmas merry
Then I'll be gone like a cool, cool breeze
(That's a line from a song by Chuck Berry)

I'm on the blocks and I'm all set
To go that hundred metres
I'm ready now, and yet-and yet
The sweats dripping down in litres.

The pistol roars and off we go
The crowd are shouting out
I notice my friend Alfie
"Alfie, what's it all about?"

He's on his feet, he's screaming-"Whoa"
"I can take rejection"
"But there's one thing I've got to know"
"HOW DO YOU POST AN OPEN QUESTION?"

2006-11-08 11:22:03 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."


"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."


"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

"I do know I'm ready for the job [the presidency]. And if not, that's just the way it goes."

2006-11-08 11:16:52 · 11 answers · asked by Nevar 3

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...











The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...











So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

2006-11-08 11:16:27 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor
and asked for a prescription of Viagra.
The doctor said,
"That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4,
but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The doctor said, "That won't do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right.
I don't need them for
sex anymore as I am over 90 years old.
I just want it to stick out
far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

2006-11-08 11:16:11 · 22 answers · asked by chris b 4

You have 4 cubes with diffrent letter an each side.you notice that by rearranging the cubes 7 times the fallowing:


pink jest rope quip goal cony frog dark site glum wack have tiny wish bins


What letters apper on each cube?

2006-11-08 11:13:18 · 6 answers · asked by samantha h 2

Why do some people get lost in thought?

it's unfamiliar territory

2006-11-08 11:11:54 · 18 answers · asked by Nevar 3

A conversation took place between Don And Jon. Don, who had a good memory, asked Jon how many children he had. Jon replied that he had 3. Don then asked how old the children were. Her friend, who knew how much Don enjoy puzzles, said that he would give her a number of clues to the children's ages.

Jon's 1st clue: "the product of the children's ages is 36." Don immediately replied that this was insufficient information.

Jon's 2nd clue: "all of the children's ages are integers; none are fractional ages such as 1 1/2 years old." Still, Don could not deduce the correct answer.

Jon's 3rd clue: "the sum of the three children's ages is identical to the address of the house where we played chess together often, years ago." Don still required more information.

Jon then gave his fourth clue: "the oldest child looks like me." At this
point, Don was able to determine the ages of the three children.

Here is your problem: What were the ages of the three children?

2006-11-08 11:03:16 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

they both say yo ho!!!!!!! hahahahah i made that one up!!! you like??? 10 pts. to the first preson who can tell mea joke that makes me wet my pants!

2006-11-08 10:50:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

this is a riddle my friend has set me, ive got a drink in it for me if i get the answer, its got me all bafffled!

2006-11-08 10:45:44 · 8 answers · asked by judith c 2

After a few days, the Lord called Adam to him, and said, 'It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the Earth, so I want you to start by kissing Eve.' Adam answered, 'Yes Lord, but what's a 'kiss'?' So the Lord gave Adam a brief description and Adam then took Eve by the hand, behind a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged, and said, 'Lord, that was enjoyable.'

< small>And the Lord replied, 'Yes, Adam, I thought you'd enjoy that, and now I'd like you to caress Eve.' And Adam said, 'Lord, what's a 'caress'?' So the Lord gave Adam a brief description and Adam went again behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, 'Lord, that was even better than the kiss.'

And the Lord said, 'You've done well, Adam, and now I want you to make love to Eve.' And Adam said, 'Lord, what's 'making love'?' So the Lord again gave Adam directions, and Adam went to Eve, behind the bush. But this time he reappeared in two seconds... ..And Adam said, 'Lord, what's a 'headache'?'

2006-11-08 10:45:27 · 8 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

It's been driving me mad, the questioner said they would put the answer on today...have searched but can't find it....
It was something about a woman going to her mothers funeral and meeting up with a man whom she instantly fell in love with, a few days later she killed her sister...The question(answer) was ..What was the motivation for killing the sister>>>>>>> Does anyone have any idea what i'm talking about here!!? If u do..what was the answer to the riddle?

2006-11-08 10:44:05 · 18 answers · asked by Susie2 4

there is a son driving a car with his dad who is in the pasenger seat. they are driving along and hit a patch of ice and swerve off the road. they hit a tree and the father is instantly killed and the son is rushed to the hospital. when he gets there the doctor takes a look at him and says "i can not do surgery on him for he is my son." How can this be?

2006-11-08 10:43:17 · 23 answers · asked by gamerx66x 2

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "its fart Rugby ." A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Try and conversion - 7points each". After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Penalty - 10 to 7." Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Penalty 10 each." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Drop goal, I lead 13 to 10." Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realising a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he craps in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, change sides."

2006-11-08 10:40:26 · 6 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast-bacon, eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? An Aitken's buttery? Grapefruit with ginger and coffee to follow?

He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says. "It has really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something-a bowl of homemade soup, maybe, with (mmmm) a cheese sandwich? Perhaps a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?

He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says. "It has really taken the edge off my appetite."

Come tea time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She offers to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. Maybe a red pudding or a steak pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved? Or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?

He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "would you mind getting off me? I'm starving!"

2006-11-08 10:24:18 · 15 answers · asked by Citizen 1