Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Whoever gets these questions (all of them) right first will get a best answer!

1) What is a dozen?
2) Half dozen?
3) Baker's dozen?
4) Chicken or egg?
5) Which eats more: Panda or Elephant?
6) How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
7) How many dimensions are there
8) How much was the guy who sued coke paid?

2006-11-08 16:16:07 · 11 answers · asked by Ənigma 2

please don't get affended. it's just a joke.
some blondes at suzy university were tired of people thinking that they were just stupid bimbo's.they wanted a place where they wouldn't be judged. so they went to suzy (also a blonde. her dad bought her the university)and asked her can they start a blonde education department. suzy said yes. they were so proud. they got tee shirts that read '' i belong in the B.E.D.''. that's suppose 2 mean blonde education department. lol

2006-11-08 16:01:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

This grungie looking old man walked onto an elevator. He rode up a couple of floors until it stoped and a woman walked on then cheerfully said,"TGIF," and the man responded by saying,"S.H.I.T." The woman was a little puzzled but when the elevator came to her floor she repeated,"TGIF- thank god it's Friday," but the man said,"S H I T,"then added,"sorry honey it's Thursday."

2006-11-08 15:59:35 · 17 answers · asked by bored 2

ok don't take this wrong if you think it is racisim i spelled that wrong i'm sorry ig you don't get it

PUT HER IN A CIRCLE ROOM AND TELL HER TO GO PEE IN THE CORNER

2006-11-08 15:52:12 · 14 answers · asked by lalala 1

Finally - A good blonde joke.
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff --
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't

2006-11-08 15:30:27 · 19 answers · asked by wolfpack0810 4

Gimme a break here, its just a joke I heard the other day. i know its touchy, thats why I liked it. Got to make fun of disturbing things once in a blue.

A preist and a rabbi are walking down the street.....
They see an 8 year old boy walking by them......
The priest turns and says to the rabbi, "lets SCREW that little boy."
The rabbi says, "out of WHAT?"

2006-11-08 15:03:15 · 15 answers · asked by Thumper 5

You are walking down a road and you encounter a fork in the road and you do not know the correct way to go. There are two men standing at the junction and both know the correct road. One man always lies, and the other man always tells the truth, but you do not know who is the liar and who is the one who tells the truth. You can only ask each man one question, but it must be the same question for both. What is the question that would allow you to get the information necessary to choose the correct path?

2006-11-08 14:50:48 · 14 answers · asked by ag2588101 3

Brunettes are__________?

Readheads are_________?

2006-11-08 14:43:51 · 14 answers · asked by S--slick 4

There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well then I'll go at night."

2006-11-08 14:32:48 · 18 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

I do not, by any means, mean to offend anyone from Arkansas. I have family there somewhere and they are like this, this is why I think it is so funny. Please don't hate me, I need to add I do NOT believe that every person from Arkansas is like this, there are some and you can not deny it, BUT not all of them are.



Where was the toothbrush invented? If you don't know then the answer is, Arkansas, why you may ask? Had it been anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush ! !

2006-11-08 14:28:02 · 9 answers · asked by Holly D 3

A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English
Channel Breast Stroke Competition.

The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there
was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by
causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing
hope, the blonde finally arrived.

The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They
embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the
excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered,
"I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used
their arms."

2006-11-08 14:11:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative;
he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services;
he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services;
he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing;
even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer;
he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

2006-11-08 13:59:02 · 16 answers · asked by akelaamy 5

2006-11-08 13:51:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Iv'e been sitting here at my computer looking in for 2 hours now.

2006-11-08 13:49:23 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

it grows and shrinks but nobody sees it. its not light and it turns off, what is it?
hint: its nothing physical rather something you can feel.

2006-11-08 13:48:13 · 15 answers · asked by Maria 1

it grows and shrinks and noboby can see it, its not light and it turns off, what is it?

2006-11-08 13:35:19 · 6 answers · asked by Maria 1

BUNS OF STEEL

2006-11-08 13:31:45 · 10 answers · asked by ? 1

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "Mississippi"!

2006-11-08 13:26:16 · 22 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

In a room is one dead body, a smoking gun, three over turned chairs, and fifty-one bicycles. Explain.

2006-11-08 13:23:58 · 5 answers · asked by jdnmsedsacrasac1 4

PEPPER SPRAY :-)

2006-11-08 13:18:43 · 10 answers · asked by ? 1

Q: Which garden has the most vegetables?
A: Flash Garden.

I get that the answer is a pun on "Flash Gordon", but I'm not sure how that makes the most vegetables. Is it just not funny?

2006-11-08 13:15:52 · 17 answers · asked by drshorty 7

you will need an empty glass of water, two quaters a dime and a table first place dime on the center of the empty glass and then place the two quarters on ither side of the empty glass.. your problem would be.. how you will get the dime out of the empty glass.. without lifting the glass or touching the coin.. hard isn't it.. it can be done.. believe me.

2006-11-08 13:04:48 · 14 answers · asked by jun_matsumoto_gokus3n 2

I OWE MY MOTHER.............

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

2006-11-08 13:01:00 · 17 answers · asked by Charisma 6

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut UP!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

Meow occasionally.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and inform the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Stare at a passenger and announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

2006-11-08 12:58:21 · 20 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

small and big but nobody sees it, its not light and it turns off, what is it?

2006-11-08 12:48:01 · 3 answers · asked by Maria 1

this feller and his buddy was going huntin. and his friend had the scope up and said" i can see your house from here. your wife is cheatin on you with another man". and the guy said "o that's it. i 've had it with her. shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts. and he aid "i'll get that in one shot".

2006-11-08 12:46:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bastard with a Hammer

A) A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.” “You bastard!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. “You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,” says the judge. “Bastard!” the same person yells. The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom. “Sir, one more outburst and I’ll charge you with contempt.” “I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this bastard’s neighbor for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”

B.) The Pickle Slicer

One day, Bill comes home from the pickle factory where he works and confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests he see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill says he’d be too embarrassed, and he vows to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill

2006-11-08 12:41:50 · 30 answers · asked by lonnie 3

2006-11-08 12:39:09 · 8 answers · asked by BUSHIDO 7

Find the Error
What's wrong here?


A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
0
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Did you know that 80% of Stanford students could not find the error above?


I just really, really want to know what's wrong with this....It's driving me crazy!

2006-11-08 12:38:32 · 20 answers · asked by sims2fanatic 2

2006-11-08 12:37:50 · 28 answers · asked by K M 1