Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-15 05:02:48 · 27 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

2006-10-15 04:46:22 · 8 answers · asked by Scarface2009 1

One night, looking to have a good time, a man decides to go to the Foxy Lady. While he is sitting enjoying the show, a man seated right behind him screams loudly, “Take it off!”

The man in front turns around and says, “Can you please quiet down, I’m trying to enjoy the show.”

The man in the back says, “I’m sorry, it’s just my enthusiasm.”

The stripper begins to take off her dress. So the guy in back yells, “Take it off!!!” The guy in front again turns around and tells him to be quiet. The guy in back again says that it was just his enthusiasm. The stripper then proceeds to remove her bra. The guy in back again yells, “Take it off!!!”

The guy in front again turns around and tells him to be quiet again getting the same response from the guy in back.

Then the stripper removes her g-string, and everyone in the club gets on their feet and cheers and yells, all except for the guy in the back.

The guy in front turn’s around and says, “Where’s your enthusiasm now, pal?”

The guy in back just smiles and says, “All over your back, pal.”

2006-10-15 04:33:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is stopped in heavy traffic in Los Angeles and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. We’re not even moving."

Noticing a police officer walking down the highway between the cars, the man rolls down his window and says, "Excuse me, officer…what’s the holdup?"

"It’s O.J. Simpson," says the cop. "He’s all depressed. He’s lying down in the middle of the highway and threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire, because he doesn’t have $8.5 million dollars for the Goldmans. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him."

The man says, "A collection, huh? How much have you got so far?"

"So far…ten gallons."

2006-10-15 04:29:12 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

2006-10-15 04:26:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and,with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent." Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you LEND it, and for how long?"

2006-10-15 04:24:24 · 19 answers · asked by Pd 6

a quiz made for the most stupid people( a very simple quiz) ... they couldn't answer any question .. as the following :

1) for how long did the hundred year war lasted ?
a- 99 b-100 c-110 d-116

2) on which month do the russians celebrate the october revolution ?
a- october b-november c-september d-july

3)what is the first name of king george the sixth ?
a-albert b-manuel c-george d-frank

4) from which animal do the Canary island got its name ?
a- puppy b-elephant c-canary d- monkey

5) where do the hats used by panama people made in ?
a-ecuador b-brazil c-chile d-panama

can you answer them ?
LOL , difficult questions , right ?

well... I will add the aswers for the questions after a while ... check for them..
thank u very much ;)
( 10 points for the right answer )

2006-10-15 04:19:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man got fired from his job and was gonna kill himself so he stood on a bridge and looked down below and saw a man dancing with no arms and he said to himself life isint that bad after all so he went to thank the man he said thank you for saving my life.....but why are you dancing with no arms and the man replied bittery WHAT?!? im not dancing you fool my butt itches and i cant scratch it!!!

2006-10-15 04:12:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says,"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and asks the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let
me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff-----grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do younsuppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"

2006-10-15 04:07:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-15 04:04:54 · 14 answers · asked by FireKracker187 2

If the capital of England is London, Does anyone know where the dead centre of London is???

2006-10-15 03:58:34 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

My really good friend is always bragging to me that she also has a masters degree, along with a minor degree.
Her major is in recreation and entertainment,and her minor is in procrastination.
Her birthday is coming up, and I bought a new program for my computer that prints out all kind of templates, including diplomas.
I am trying to come up with a funny acronym for the 2 college names. One for the Masters, another for the Minor.
If it has swear words, thats fine. But no GD, or F-bombs.
I want them to match the diploma....Like Lazy University for the Masters, and L A Z and Y all have a words assc. with it.
Lazy is not the one I was looking for!!
I need this done by tomorrow!! I need all you creative people to help!!!
Thanks a Bundle!

2006-10-15 03:51:32 · 13 answers · asked by Oorah Wife 3

My limit of asking questions is up....how can that b?

2006-10-15 03:51:06 · 9 answers · asked by . 2

English man and Irish man doing jigsaw puzzles, Irish man says to Englishh man "can you help me in confused" English man says "why" Irish man says mines supposed to be a Tiger. The english man looked and said "why dont you put the Frosties back in the packet...

2006-10-15 03:46:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What are some (new) good ones. The classic jokes are also welcome.

2006-10-15 03:30:03 · 13 answers · asked by s t 2

Its the begining of the end, there are two in a week, none in a day, one in a year and two in a decade... What is the answer?

2006-10-15 03:26:58 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

i phoned a builders yard and said i want a skip outside my house,he said im not gonna stop you.

i phoned the swimming baths i asked is this my local swimming baths?he said it depends where you live

2006-10-15 03:21:25 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hive hound day gnu passed I'm!! Awl sew, hive disco verde Mannie cleaver right turds, enema aid egg sight deacon Intel league gent Fred ends! Sank cue when grass she us four corn tenure ring two respire onto micas chins!!
Sin sear Lee years,
Duck Trivial

2006-10-15 03:08:46 · 8 answers · asked by x 5

What's red and itchy? .........Dick rash...............

Do you get it?

2006-10-15 03:06:14 · 20 answers · asked by crazybex2006 4

Every sence the 8th grade I have loved jokes. My American History would tell them to the class. I havent herd any jokes in a while, so if you know any fell free to tell. Thanks.

2006-10-15 02:54:14 · 13 answers · asked by newyorknikki9 2

This drunk was standing on the corner reading the paper. A cop comes along and he asks the cop "Where is a woman's yet?".

The cop says what do you mean. The guy points to the paper and says. "de paper say a woman was shot last night.......and de bullet is in her yet"

2006-10-15 02:36:53 · 14 answers · asked by barrettins 3

thanks!

2006-10-15 02:33:28 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple were driving down the road when they hit a skunk in there car, the lady jumped out and picked this dying skunk off the road, She says its cold what shall i do, He says put it between your legs to keep it warm, What about the smell she says, He says Hold its F uckin nose then

2006-10-15 02:13:51 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-10-15 01:56:00 · 5 answers · asked by ? 4

the part that she breathes from is human

2006-10-15 01:49:28 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4

Dirty johnny's parents get divorced. One night, late at night, he's walking to the bathroom, while he passes his mother's bedroom, and he see's her lying on her back, playin with herself, saying "i need a man! i need a man!" The next night, he walks past her bedroom again, and see's some guy doing her..

the next morning, his mom passes his bedroom, and sees Johnny lying on his back, playing with himself, saying "i need a new bike! i need a new bike!!"

2006-10-15 01:12:51 · 14 answers · asked by snafu1 2

thnx ppl

2006-10-15 00:30:37 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 9 balls each weighs exactly the same except one. It is either heavier or lighter you don't know. you have a balance scale and are allowed two chances to weigh the balls to find the ball which is either heavier or lighter. you can wiegh and split the balls as you wish.

how do you do find it?

2006-10-15 00:25:31 · 10 answers · asked by Jaylaw 3

haha, they're part fish and human but erm.... how do they give birth to babies? i love mermaids!! ^^

2006-10-14 23:14:04 · 18 answers · asked by miyuri 1

2006-10-14 22:38:19 · 15 answers · asked by Bill L 5