Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

A man has a bucket of apples, he is on his way home, he sees a pretty girl on his way, so he gives her half of his apples, and half of an apple. So hes getting closer to home, and theres another pretty girl, so he gives her half of his remaining apples, and half of an apple. So hes on his block, and he sees one more pretty girl, gives her half of his remaining apples, and half of an apple. He is now home appleless. How many apples did he have to begin with? HINT:(It's a whole number) 1st to get it right gets best answer!

2006-10-14 22:38:13 · 23 answers · asked by Kyle 2

anything

2006-10-14 22:02:53 · 8 answers · asked by kaymewithjen 1

What creeps on the ground and clings to the pillars?

Good luck!! (^_^)

2006-10-14 21:45:24 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

About anything, life, love, friends, anything. Just love hearing them. Thankyou heaps

2006-10-14 21:38:40 · 10 answers · asked by Kiss_Kris_xo 2

If dropped toast always lands buttered side down, and cats always land on their feet. what happens if you put a cat on a piece of buttered toast and drop it out the window? what side would it land on?????

2006-10-14 21:09:11 · 11 answers · asked by blahblahblah 5

2006-10-14 21:06:20 · 31 answers · asked by andy b 1

2006-10-14 20:42:42 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

they both play with white balls!

2006-10-14 20:32:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three little boys were concerned
because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.


So they went to the nearest Church .



But, only the Janitor was there.



One little boy said,
"We need to be baptized
because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?"
"Sure," said the Janitor.



He took them into the bathroom
and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now baptized!".



" When they got outside,
one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"


The oldest one said,

"We're not Kathlick, ......because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, .because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, .....because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said,
"Didn't you smell that water!"


They all joined in asking,
"Yeah! What do you think that means?"


"I think it means we're Pisscopailians.

2006-10-14 20:28:03 · 6 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Butterflies taste with their feets.

2006-10-14 20:20:50 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-14 20:04:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-14 19:58:49 · 9 answers · asked by Fun and Games 4

2006-10-14 19:55:46 · 8 answers · asked by Fun and Games 4

2006-10-14 19:38:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

This question went on for days at my house when my husbands cousin came to visit from Germany. Every few minutes he asked. And I gave every answer I could think of.He kept saying no and asking that same stupid question. Finally I screamed it's on my nerves. YES!!! that is the answer. I know it's lame sorry

2006-10-14 19:35:49 · 5 answers · asked by Pickels 2

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

What do you call a car's life story?
A: An autobiography!

Hehe. And here is today's riddle:

Name an animal that eats its relatives.

Have fun! :)

2006-10-14 19:31:30 · 5 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-10-14 19:30:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think ugly people talk about cute people because thay wish thay could be cute,and sexy like them.

2006-10-14 19:28:19 · 17 answers · asked by KA-KA 1

2006-10-14 19:26:47 · 9 answers · asked by Pickels 2

Ron the rooster was the biggest,meanest rooster in the world.He spent his time beating up all the animals on the farm....One day he picked on the farmyard cat,unfortunately for Ron the cat beat the c**p out of him which proves ....No matter how big the c**k is a pu55y can always take it

2006-10-14 19:11:27 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
'"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"
She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

2006-10-14 18:59:10 · 6 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

A blond is on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and somehow makes it to the final question. She still has one life line left: she can call a friend.

Regis asks here, "For one million dollars, what bird does not live in a nest of its own making? Is it
a, a sparrow?
b, a thrush?
c, a cuckoo?
or d, a robin?"

She's not sure so she asks to use her life line to call a friend who also happens to be blond. He blond friend tells her to guess c, cuckoo.

So the blond says "C, cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes". She wins a million dollars!

Some time later, she is having lunch with her friend enjoying the winnings. She decides to ask her friend how she knew the answer to the final question.

Her friend replies, "It's obvious. Everyone knows that cuckoos live in clocks!"

2006-10-14 18:54:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady
sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out.
I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home.
He makes love to me every morning and then gets up
and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine
and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

2006-10-14 18:49:57 · 10 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

1. you can get chocolate

2. you can share chocolate with a group of friends without being considered obscene

3. chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft

4. you can have chocolate in front of your parents

5. if you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate wont mind

6. two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names

7. the word 'commitment' doesn’t scare off chocolate

8. you can have chocolate in your office without upsetting your colleagues

9. chocolate is just as attractive when you are sober

10. a big piece of chocolate is of course better, but even a small piece satisfies

2006-10-14 18:49:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man and woman. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:

Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!"

2006-10-14 18:48:41 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"

2006-10-14 18:48:13 · 4 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

2006-10-14 18:47:30 · 47 answers · asked by Electric 7

Two hikers walking through the woods come across a cabin that is destroyed. They find two dead men inside. How did the two men die?

2006-10-14 18:41:46 · 15 answers · asked by davdal400 1

An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor's office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered.Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the man answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be, said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the man wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hell getting him to swallow the pill!!!"

2006-10-14 18:39:28 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

do I have to be married to play sax safely?
no, although married people play sax, manly single people play sax with complete strangers every day

my parents say they didn’t play sax until they were 21. how old do you think someone should be, before they can play sax?
sax playing is better left until adulthood-there necessary organs are at that stage better developed

there is an area in the neighborhood where you can go and pay for sax lessons. is this legal?
yes. many people have no other way of learning to play sax and must pay a professional to teach them

should a cover always be used for the sax?
unless you are really sure of the person who last used your sax, a cover should always be used to ensure safe sax

what happens if I get nervous and play sax prematurely?
DON'T PANIC! many people prematurely play sax when they are young. just wait until you’re older before you try again

2006-10-14 18:36:40 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous