Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-14 11:31:42 · 9 answers · asked by j.lo 1

This is just for laughs.

2006-10-14 11:29:44 · 12 answers · asked by sum1uno 1

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, well never

2006-10-14 11:08:51 · 18 answers · asked by HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4

Lettuce alone............
Get it, Lettuce alone........

2006-10-14 11:01:22 · 10 answers · asked by sunnyday4me 2

In Phillipians Paul wrote "watch out for those dogs.............."

2006-10-14 10:57:45 · 9 answers · asked by barrettins 3

Little Billy locked himself in the bathroom. It had been quite a while so his dad got worried.

His dad said

'come out'
there was no answer.

'Billy WHAT THE HELL are you doing in there!?Come out NOW!''

again Billy did not answer.

'BILLY OPEN THE (F)UCKING DOOR AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR DOING BEFORE I SMASH THE DOOR AND COME IN!'

'I'm (f)ucking my sister' Billy replied

'Oh...ok, I thought you were smoking'

This is my joke. Tell me what you think.

2006-10-14 10:45:27 · 49 answers · asked by jewl 32 2

A duck goes into a bar and asks the landlord''have you got any bread?The landlord answers ''no we dont sell bread this is a pub''.The duck says ''have you got any bread''? The landlord says ''I told you we are a pub, we sell beer whats wrong with you''? The duck says ''have you got any bread''?The landlord says ''if you dont stop this I will nail your beak to the f''king bar''.The duck says ''have you got any nails''? the landlord says ''no I havent''.The duck says''have you got any bread''?!!!!!!!

2006-10-14 10:37:03 · 26 answers · asked by pasky 2

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want more just ask

2006-10-14 10:30:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A H I M O T U V W X Y


First correct answer gets the points.

2006-10-14 10:29:15 · 8 answers · asked by ancientabner 2

What do these idioms mean? :

Stuffed to the Grills
Out of the Frying pan and into the fire
nose to the grindstone
on pins and needles
Pie in the sky
Head in the Sand
Just what the doctor ordered
Bury the Hatchet

Please tell me at least what some of these idioms mean.

2006-10-14 10:24:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

In order to raise fund for his church by participating in racing this priest decided to buy a horse however, at the local auction, the price for horses was so high so he settled on a donkey and decided to race it. To his surprise, the donkey came in 3rd place. Next day, the racing sheets carried this headline: PREACHER SHOWS A$S
Happy preacher entered the donkey in races again, and this time the animal won 1st place. The paper said:
'PREACHER'S A$S OUT IN FRONT'
The Bishop was so upset with these sort of publicities and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey, priest handed over the animal to a nun in a local convent. The next day, the headlines read: NUN HAS BEST A$S IN TOWN
Furious bishop ordered to dispose of the donkey. The nun searched & found a farmer willing to buy the animal for 10 dollars. The bishop dead reading the next day news headline: NUN PEDDLES A$S FOR TEN BUCKS!

2006-10-14 10:13:20 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

You are trapped in a house with 3 exits. The first is full of angry gorillas, the second is full of very territorial tigers, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten for a year. which one do you choose?

On Sunday, a rich man is killed. Everyone that was in the house is interigated. His wife said she was making the bed. His cook said he was making him a big breakfast. His butler was cleaning his game room. And his maid was getting the mail. Who killed him and why?

2006-10-14 10:09:47 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-14 10:05:58 · 38 answers · asked by nathan a 1

On a hot summer day by a lake you are determined to build a boat made of ice, using a refrigeration unit and a large mold in which you can pour water. Nearby you notice an Egyptian mummy resting on a pile of wood pulp. What is the best strategy for building an ice boat that will not melt before you sail it across the lake?

2006-10-14 09:51:45 · 15 answers · asked by You//Wish//You//Were//Me 2

Why are blonde jokes so popular? What is so funny about blondes? Some blondes are bright in my opinion. Why do people like these jokes so much? Why do blondes tell jokes about themselves sometimes?

2006-10-14 09:40:10 · 13 answers · asked by brooke992002 2

2006-10-14 09:27:39 · 4 answers · asked by blah... 1

Mother and daughter went in a persian rug store,and asked for the price of one beautiful rug.the owner throw a challenge "if you do not fart while i am having sex with any of you two, the rug is free".To this the daughter tell her mom "the rug is ours", so they go the back room.Minutes later the woman come back crying and say "Sorry,mom, i farted".The mom all mad goes"i have more experience,i'm gonna show him".and she goes in and prrrrrrtt, she farts.the owner " come back any day"So the women went home and the daughter cryes to her grandma about their misadventure, granny all freaking mad, because this dude "F" for free her relatives, said " i am going take revenge, and out she goes to the store, mother and daughter look with admiration the elder as she leavOne hour later, the women can see the granny coming back with the rug on her shoulder, they are so happy and ask "how you win the rug?" and she responds"Win? I **** myself and now i have to wash the rug".

2006-10-14 09:24:32 · 17 answers · asked by GUAPOMOZZ 3

There are 2 gayers outside kissing. Suddenly, someone crosses the streest looking like one of the gay's girlfirend of 5 years ago...Thus, he stands in silence, something distinciton of memories... what he gonna do? Is he really gay? His thinking turns him on world "similar of the real man"... After 3 days, he telles his lover and says "This is difficulty decision on me, you know when I was kid and now .." Then the other gay seem emotional thinking and more soft crying "huhu I know, I never pregnant for you, but please don't leave me, huhu I love you"

2006-10-14 09:23:29 · 11 answers · asked by Tonia D 1

26 = L of the A
means
26 letters of the alphabet.

Get it???

If you don't, here's another one:

3 = B M (S H T R)
means
3 blind mice (see how they run)

NOW TRY THESE:

1) 12 = S of the Z
2) 54 = C in a D (with J)
3) 200 = D for P G in M
4) 8 = S on a S S
5)1 = W on a U
6) 5 = D in a Z C
7) 57 = H V
8) 1000 = W that a P is W
9) 64 = S in a C B
10) 50 = W to L Y L
11) 1 = H on a U
12) 9 = J on the S C
13) 7 = B for S B
14) 21 = D on a D
15) 7 = W of the A W
15) 15 = M on a D M C

2006-10-14 09:07:21 · 10 answers · asked by Khamani says R.I.P. Sean Taylor 3

A cop is sitting at the side of the road, consuming his coffee and doughnut from Timmys. A car drives by, at a leisurely pace and the cop notices that the licence plates are expired, so he pulls out ... all of a sudden, the car roars off ... now the cop is in hot pursuit, speeding at like 120mph.

They're weeving in and out of traffic, narrowly missing several cars along the highway. After about 10 minutes, the speeding driver finally comes to a halt ... he ran outta gas.

The cops gets out of his car, and by this time he's seething with anger. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM BUDDY?" "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEONE!!" He yells at the driver.

The driver, his head bowed in shame, looks up at the cop through his car window ... tears streaming down his face and mumbles ... "I'm sorry officer, really ... I am.... but, my wife ran away with a cop last week". "I thought he was trying to bring her back'!!"

2006-10-14 09:06:03 · 22 answers · asked by ♥Carol♥ 7

whats something the maker never uses, no one wants to use, but just about every one does, and none of the users ever see?

2006-10-14 08:57:56 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Does anyone know the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

2006-10-14 08:57:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a four year old kid, tagged by his mom in a department store to shop. after carting some goodies, they pass by the perfume stall and the boy's mom tried some testers after the other. the boy who was sitting on the trolley begun to get bored, while his mom keeps trying the free testers.

boy; "Mom! are you done yet? why do you have to smell all that stuff" complains the boy,

mom; "because they don't taste good son"

2006-10-14 08:55:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A mother has 3 girls,they all got married,but she wants to know how the sex is,so she says that after the night on the honeymoon,they write a postcard saying how it went.
The 1st girl write:m&m's
puzzled,the women buys a pack of m&m's and reads the slogan "it melts in your mouth,not in your hand."
The 2nd girl writes:Cambles soup.
again the mom buys some cambles soup and reads, "mmm..mmm...good."
1 week passed, followed by another then 1more week finaly the 3rd girl finally writes:'Ford'
the mom goe's to her ford jeep and reads"the best never stop"

2006-10-14 08:53:49 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

A sailor is on a ship full of males. After being exhausted pleasuring himself he goes to the captain,
"Please help me, I’m so frustrated. Where can I really get some action?"
"Well you see that barrel over there? At midnight tonight go over there and s*ag that hole. Believe me this will be the best sex you have ever had" The captain replied. At midnight the young sailor did as he was told and at midnight went to the barrel.

The next day the sailor finds the Captain,
"My God, that was the best I have ever had, even with my girlfriend - how can I ever repay you?"
"Your turn in the barrel"

2006-10-14 08:33:03 · 28 answers · asked by Dan 3

nothing they both have no hearts and are very, very unfaithful.

2006-10-14 08:29:39 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

because she had a cold,
"get on the bed "said the doc "strip off and lay with your legs up in the stirrups". The doctor then stood in front of her nether regions and said "mmmm. ermmm"
"Whats up" says Tina, Iv'e only come in here with a cold "why am i laid naked with my legs a kimbo like this"
Well the Doctor said. " Its like this i have just bought a black sofa and i want to see what it looks like with pink cushions".lol.


I know you will tell me what ya think. bring it on.

2006-10-14 08:26:47 · 14 answers · asked by chris w. 7

A woman who is a huge Elvis Presly fan goes to a tattoo parlor, and asks for a tat of The King on the inside of her right thigh. When the tattoo artist is done, the woman looks down and says, "I don't think that looks ANYTHING like Elvis!". He offers to do another tat on the inside of her left thigh. When done, she looks down and says, "THAT one doesn't look anything like Elvis, either!". The artist, frustrated, says, "Lady, look, I'm gonna go outside and get a thrid party to come in here and give an opinion. If he says that the tattoos look like Elvis, you have to pay me. If not, no charge". She agrees to this. The artist goes outside, finds a bum in the alley, and says, "Buddy, I'll give you a bottle of booze to go inside and tell this broad that the tattoos look like Elvis, ok?", to which the bum readily agrees. He walks inside, looks down at the woman's tattoos, and says, "Well, lady, I don't know who the twins are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson!"

2006-10-14 08:26:38 · 9 answers · asked by happy heathen 4

Young son walks in on parents having sex, mother on top. Asks what's going on? Mom says "just trying to flatten your dad's tummy". Son replies....."Wasting your time, Mrs Murphy from next door comes in when your'e at work, gets on her knees and blows him back up again!"

2006-10-14 08:22:10 · 20 answers · asked by mistickle17 5

riddle 1.
Sabrina gave Samantha as many dollars as Samantha started out with.

Samantha then gave Sabrina back as much as Sabrina had left.

Sabrina then gave Samantha as back as many dollars as Samantha had left, which left Sabrina broke and gave

Samantha a total of $80.00.

How much did Sabrina and Samantha have at the beginning of their exchange?



Riddle 2.
Steve, a party magician, is carrying three pieces of gold each piece weighing one kilogram.

On the way to a session he comes to a bridge which has a sign posted saying the bridge could hold only a maximum of 80 kilograms.

Steve weighs 78 kilograms and the gold weighs three kilograms.

He reads the sign and still safely crossed the bridge with all the gold.

How did he manage this?

I´ll post the answers in 1 hour... good luck

2006-10-14 08:20:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous