Do you know any jokes?

Question

Every sence the 8th grade I have loved jokes. My American History would tell them to the class. I havent herd any jokes in a while, so if you know any fell free to tell. Thanks.

Answer 1

Santa Claus, George W. Bush, the Pope, and a 7-year old boy are on an airplane. The plane shakes, shudders, and starts to fall to the earth. Looking around desperately, they all realize there are only three parachutes onboard.

Santa Claus says, "I bring toys to children all over the world and make them happy - I should get a parachute!" He grabs one and jumps.

George W. Bush says, "I am the smartest president ever - I should get a parachute!" He grabs one and jumps.

The Pope looks at the little boy and says, "My son, I have lived a full life, and yours is just beginning. You should take the last parachute."

The little boy says, "No, we can both take a parachute!"

The Pope, confused, says "But there's only one left!"

The little boy replied, "Nope - the smartest president ever took my backpack."

Answer 2

these arn't jokes..just some funny things to think about that made me laugh............

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?



Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?



Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?



Why are Softballs hard?



Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.



Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?



Can blind people see their dreams?



Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?



Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?



If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?



If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?



What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?



Where's the egg in an egg roll?

Answer 3

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."




Two honeymooning ducks are staying in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, “We don’t have any condoms. I''ll call room service.” So he calls and asks for condoms. The receptionist says, ''''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?'''' ''''No,'''' he says, ''''I''ll suffocate!''''


Yo mama's so fat that when she sees a school bus she yells, "Stop that Twinkie!"

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to a local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"


A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school.
While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents asked him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?"

He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

Answer 4

A guy goes into a restaurant and orders coffee, no cream - the waiter returns five minutes later and says - sorry, we don't have any cream - Can I bring you a coffee with no milk instead?


Since you like history, that is a 75 yr old joke from a Betty Grable movie..

Answer 5

someone backed out of his statement and crashed with the one behind him.

Rene Descartes was in a bar and the bartender said "want something to drink?" then Rene said "I think not" then *poof* Rene disappered.

Answer 6

wow your American History teacher told jokes, and mine screwed me up the ***. He said he was trying to teach me about the gov't.

Answer 7

Yes. I have one, " This Is A Free Country" !

Answer 8

washington, bush, and kerry were on the stage telling the crowd how they are going to save the world. washington says: ill save the world by giving the world $100. and so he throws a $100 out to the crowd. bush says im going to save the world by giving $1000. so he throws $1000 out to the crowd. kerry says im going to save the world!!! and so he throws bush off the stage.

Answer 9

there was this little girl her sister went to the mall it was 9:00 and the phone rang she said hello and this guy said im 1 mile away you still have some time to get out so she hung up he called agin she said who is this no awnser it was 10:00 the guy said im one block away you still have a little time to get out he hung up he called agin she said who is this no awnser it was 11:00 he said im half a block away you have some time to get out so she hung uo it was 12:00 the phone rang agin she awnsered it she said who is this and no awnser he said im at your door you have no time to get out he hung up so went to hide under her covers then some one came in and came upstairs and she saw red eyes and that was the last time she saw light so her sister came home from the mall she said hello hello so she went to her little sister room and she saw her sister dead in a bag and then she looked at the craked door and then that was the the lasts time she saw light and so there parents came home and they went upstairs were the two sisters was they saw them dead and then they looked at the crack of the door and then that was the last time they saw light. so there whole family died.

Answer 10

i thnk you mean your american history teacher, not your american history