Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-17 03:45:15 · 11 answers · asked by jrodr2001 3

if you had 14 red socks,12 green, and 4 blue socks in your drawer, how many socks must you take out ( without looking) to gaurantee one matched pair?

2006-10-17 03:42:57 · 18 answers · asked by dirtyharry7717 3

2006-10-17 03:39:43 · 18 answers · asked by rosiepetle96 1

A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six " and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in. What should have he said?

2006-10-17 03:38:15 · 5 answers · asked by webwriter 4

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees
this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The black guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7' 2" tall, 350
pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle,
Turner Brown."
The white man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The black guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What did you say to me again?"

The man says, "I saw the way you were looking at me so I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions every one always asks me: I'm 7' 2" tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."

The little guy says, "Turner Brown? Thank God for that!!! I thought you said "Turn around.'"

2006-10-17 03:30:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Anybody know any good Chuck Norris jokes? Like for example, Jesus wasn't born on December 25th, it is just when Chuck Norris sent him a birthday card and he was too afraid to tell him the truth...Or someone once told Chuck Norris the worse possible way to kill someone was with a roundhouse kick, This has been recorded by historians as the worse mistake EVER!

2006-10-17 03:29:11 · 4 answers · asked by Jon C 6

There were three balloons........Mummy balloon,Daddy balloon and Baby balloon.One night Baby balloon could not get to sleep so he decided to get in his parents bed.He could'nt squeeze in between them both so he let a little air out of Mummy and Daddy and then did the same to himself and snuggled in and went fast asleep.In the morning Daddy balloon was very cross at what Baby ballon had done.

"Not only have you let me and your mum down" he shouted,
"You've let yourself down as well !!".

2006-10-17 03:29:06 · 17 answers · asked by Billy B 1

American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood Rather than human blood.


It tends to make the men cocky
And the women lay better.

2006-10-17 03:25:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
DA: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you on the first of April of this year?
L O W: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch, when a young man came up and sat down beside me.
DA: Did you know him?
L O W: No, but he sure was friendly.
DA: What happened after he sat down?
L O W: He started to rub my thigh.
DA: Did you stop him?
L O W: No, I didn't stop him. Well it felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
DA: What happened next?
L O W: He began to rub my breasts.
DA: Did you stop him then?
L O W: No, I didn't stop him, well your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years, and, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me. young man..Take me!"
DA: Did he take you?
L O W:Hell, no. he just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the little bastard!

2006-10-17 03:23:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

One teacher teachs the children in the kindergarden at the first time.
-If anyone wants to go to toilets, just raise your two fingers up.
-We will fell better when doing that? Said a boy in the middle class.

2006-10-17 03:11:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy goes into a brothel and says to the Madam, “What can I get for $20?”
She, totally uninterested in this “big spender” calls over her shoulder, “Maisie, come and give this guy a Penguin”
Maisie walks over, kneels in front of the guy, drops his trousers and shorts and starts to give him oral. She stops about 30 seconds before he’s ready to come and walks away.
The guy walks after her, still with his shorts and trousers round his legs, and cries out “What’s a Penguin?”


A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."

2006-10-17 03:09:28 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-17 03:05:38 · 28 answers · asked by Shorttie 1

anything that could cheer me up ANYTHING!iam dupressed going through hard times any funny things happen to you that i could laugh at.

heres one from me i broke my leg sking into a tree and then when iwas on cruches i fell and landed in mud. poor me but still funny...now its up to you tell me something funny that happend to you

2006-10-17 02:56:46 · 10 answers · asked by starcat8912 2

10. He carved your initials in an infidel

9. Always gets the camel washed and waxed before he picks you up

8. Never forgets to release an Al-Jazeera video on your birthday

7. You say you enjoy Barry Manilow -- next day he sends you Barry Manilow's ear

6. Orders 1 goat milk, 2 straws

5. Says only thing hotter than your body is his scorching hatred for the Zionists

4. Get a romantic greeting card that reads, "You jihad me at 'Hello'"

3. He lets you call him "Ossie"

2. New intelligence reports put his whereabouts at Zales

1. He says every time he thinks of you, there's an uprising in his pants

y'all know osama? (guy who hates us)

2006-10-17 02:56:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. His so-called "gun" has a very strong licorice smell

9. Asks flight attendant, "Is this a hijacking or no hijacking section?"

8. Writes his name and address on little card so he can get free subscription to in-flight magazine

7. His only demand: More peanuts!

6. On his way up to cockpit, flight attendant says he's not allowed in first class, so he sheepishly goes back to his seat

5. His nametag says "Hijacker Trainee"

4. Sits on top of the beverage cart, soars down the aisles yelling, "I'm king of the sky!"

3. Keeps muttering something about how hijacking is like a box of chocolates

2. Introduced to the captain, he demands to meet Tenille.

1. He checked his gun.

y'all love jokes?

2006-10-17 02:35:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man walks into a cabin out of a snowstorm.he has one match left,he see,s a candle a stove and alamp.which do he light first?

2006-10-17 02:35:51 · 19 answers · asked by sweatymotto 1

I stumped the first two groups that tried to answer this question, perhaps you will figure out the answer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were talking together after church in an EMPTY room when two adult women entered the room. The first man said, "Would you like to go have lunch?, my wife and daughter have just arrived." The second man said, "Sure! my wife and daughter have just arrived as well.

How is this possible? ALL FACTS HAVE BEEN GIVEN, aka, NO TRICKS!, there is a logical family combination where this situation can occur.

Some helpful advice, and again I stress there are no tricks,
------------------
- There are ONLY 4 adults in the room (2 adult men, 2 adult women)
- The women are NOT pregnant, and did not carry/drag/stroll/etc. another person into the room
- The women are not genetically related
- The men are not genetically related
- You can explain this without mentioning adoption
- No redneck family trees, that is the men did not marry their daughter and other such oddities!

2006-10-17 02:26:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hi Debbie, I paid _________dollars to chat with you on this website. Here is what I want you to do. Take your ___________ and ____________it. Then take the ___________ and wrap it around your ______________. Put the ___________ in to your __________ and ___________ it __________ and ________out. Thanks Debbie.

2006-10-17 02:21:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-17 02:10:02 · 10 answers · asked by Michelle G 2

2006-10-17 01:49:19 · 17 answers · asked by pakalon12 1

tell her a joke on a wednesday,
(Yes I know, I am Blonde, But its funny)

2006-10-17 01:30:11 · 14 answers · asked by trouble 4

2006-10-17 01:29:45 · 13 answers · asked by David M 2

Driver, "Excuse me, Your Holiness, would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

Pope: "Well, to tell you the truth, they never let me drive at the Vatican, & I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! , & what if something should happen?" protests the driver.

"There might be something extra in it for you! " says the Pope.

Tthe driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when his Holiness floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my f#king license!," yells the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, & gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a 105 mph.

"So bust him!" says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief "Well, who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the f#king Pope as a chauffeur!!"

2006-10-17 01:27:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

One morning, somewhere during the middle ages, a military captain sat in his tent pouring over maps when a young man enters. The captain looks up and recognizes the young man as the sentry from the night before.
"Yes. What have you for me?", asks the captain.
The sentry goes on to explain how he had had a dream the previous night that barbarians would attack the encampment from the north.
The captain, not being a superstitious man considered it and decided to increase the number of men on watch for the upcoming night anyway because one can never be too careful.

That night, barbarians came from the north to attack the soldiers, and because of the increased watch, the attack was foiled.

The next day a party was held to celebrate the victory and everyone was there except for the sentry who had warned the captain. He was not there because the captain had put him in jail. Why?

2006-10-17 01:21:16 · 28 answers · asked by ssolloss 2

2006-10-17 00:59:49 · 14 answers · asked by Susan T 1

why is it, that when you snap a piece of spaghetti in half it will always break into 3 pieces?

2006-10-17 00:49:58 · 22 answers · asked by carlaroberts18 3

Last time, we had this following riddle:

Why couldn't the mummy come to the phone?
A: Because he was all tied up!

Hehe. And here is today's riddle:

What is the real reason that hummingbirds hum?

Have fun! :)

2006-10-16 19:33:30 · 2 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom.

When she comes back she's crying.

Her boyfriend asks her what happened.

"As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long!"

The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.

"He also said he wants to screw me all night long!!"

By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.

"He said he wants to drink beer from my hoo hoo all night!!!"

The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.

His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.

The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer!"

2006-10-16 18:33:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://funnyjunk.com/pages/insanity_test.htm

Go to this link and See if ur legally insane!

2006-10-16 18:05:03 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ole Boudreaux and Pierre be out duck huntin' and dey ain't kilt no duck. When dey leave dey see dis old cow out in dey lake and dem duck swim rat by dat ole cow.

So ole Boudreaux say let's git us a cow suit and dem duck swim rat up to us. So dey git a cow suit and go to dee lake. Ole Pierre he git up front with his shoot gun and Ole Boudreaux he git in dee back with his shoot gun and dey go into dey lake to wait for dem duck to swim rat up to dem.

All a sudden Ole Boudreaux say Hey Pierre let's git outta here!! Ole Pierre say Boudreaux you crazy Cajun we can't get outta here......Here come dee duck. Ole Boudreaux say Pierre you crazy Cajun forget about dee duck here come dee bull.

2006-10-16 18:01:14 · 3 answers · asked by barrettins 3