Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Bubba died and went to hell. He had been a boozer and a druggie. He arrived Sunday night. Someone came up to him to see how he was doing. Bubba was scared and didn't know what to expect. So the guy said well do you like drinking. Bubba said "I love drinking", so the guy said well, you're going to love Monday because we have beer, wine, whisky, gin, scotch...all you can drink. Bubba said Wow, this hell thing ain't so bad after all. Then the guy said do you like drugs? Bubba was ecstatic...I LOVE drugs. The guy said well then your going to love Tuesdays we get all the drugs we want, PCP, heroin, pot, LSD, cocaine and there's no worry of overdose because we're already dead. Bubba couldn't believe his good fortune. He was loving hell. Then the guy said, are you gay? Bubba said no. The guy said well then you're going to HATE Wednesdays.
Rate this joke 1 to 10.

2006-10-16 18:00:38 · 29 answers · asked by butrcupps 6

my logic is half past the monkeys a** (the number 3 looks like an a**, so if you go half past 3, you're at 3:30) and for a quarter to it's balls (the 8 looks like a set of balls so a quarter to eight would be 7:45). now if you take 7:45 and take 3:30 away it would leave you with 4: 15.

So... wouldn't 4:15 be half past a monkeys *** and a quarter till it's balls?

Any other ways to solve this?

2006-10-16 17:54:12 · 15 answers · asked by Waldo F 2

2006-10-16 17:45:24 · 5 answers · asked by April O 1

Dont be upset if you cant do it. Good luck everyone ;-) heheehee

2006-10-16 17:43:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two rednecks(Bubba and Cooper)one day realized that their life had no point. So they got together and decided they were going to go to college. They went to the professor to get their schedule. Bubba went first. He saw that he first had math, then history, and he seen he had to take a class that he had never heard of before. He said "Logic? What in tarnation is Logic?" The professer said " You dont know what logic is?" and Bubba said " No could you help me out?" The professer said "Okay lets see, Do you own a weedeater?" he said "yes I do." The professer said "using logic I know that you must have a lawn. "then bubba replied "Yeah, Thats amazing!" The professer said "since you have a lawn, I know you have a house." He said "Yep sure do, me and my wife live there!" The professor said " well since you have a wife I know that your Hetrosexual. "He said "yeah i cant wait to take this class!” So he left and told cooper about it. Cooper said “well whats logic” So bubba said “Well cooper, do you own a weed eater?” Cooper said “no I don’t!” and he said “your queer aint ya!”

2006-10-16 17:38:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-16 17:25:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

12. You'll read his/her IMS over and over again...

11. You'll walk really, really slow while you're with him/her...

10. You'll feel shy whenever you're with him/her...

9. While thinking about him/her, your heart will beat faster and faster...

8. By listening to his/her voice, you'll smile for no reason.

7. While looking at him/her, you can't see the other people around you... you can only see that person...

6. You'll start listening to SLOW songs.

5. He/She becomes all you think about.

4. You'll get high just by their smell...

3. You'll realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them..

2. You'll do anything for him/her...

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.

2006-10-16 17:13:54 · 16 answers · asked by balambfish92 3

original answers only

2006-10-16 17:08:16 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-16 17:03:27 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

why is it that people are just to uptight. Lighten up you guys

2006-10-16 16:52:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-16 16:48:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

"What is the first original Soft Drink in USA?"

this was asked as a trivia question, as I do not know anything about this I guessed "COKE COLA" which was wrong...lol as i just threw a guess out.....The person who asked told me the FIRST ORIGINAL USA SOFT DRINK was...******drum roll****** "MOXIE". well known in the state of Maine, as they have like a Moxie Celebration every year for this soft drink.........My question to you, as doing little "google searches" Do you agree with the person of answer of Moxie? another question....*if another question is legal out here* have you ever tried a Moxie? is Moxie available near you in your hometown? just courious about your thoughts....

thanks

2006-10-16 16:39:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-16 16:36:44 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-16 16:33:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Is there anybody out there"
CLUE
This line is from a comedy series

2006-10-16 16:14:37 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the difference between mobile and automobile

2006-10-16 16:06:44 · 21 answers · asked by stone 4

You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool! Is that not just horrible!

2006-10-16 15:50:04 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a guy rows a canoe down a street backwards with no oars, how many pancakes would it take to make a doghouse?

2006-10-16 15:50:01 · 25 answers · asked by Joe D 3

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
carried us.



They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.



Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored
lead-based paints.


We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.


As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.



Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.



We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.



We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.



We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but
we weren't overweight because

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!


We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.



No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.


We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no
99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell
phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat
rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers
and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!


And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!


You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

2006-10-16 15:48:41 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-16 15:47:07 · 7 answers · asked by Roscoe P Coletrain..yip yip 3

What is a ghost called who can't make babies?

2006-10-16 15:38:17 · 6 answers · asked by Christine 4

i think loss it on ebay

2006-10-16 15:14:15 · 15 answers · asked by free_frogie 1

this is mine:
http://www.nbc.com/Video/videos/snl_1439_natalieraps.shtml

i just can't stop laughing everytime i watch it! i think natalie portman could make a career as a rapper!

2006-10-16 14:59:38 · 15 answers · asked by mighty_power7 7

2006-10-16 14:55:47 · 15 answers · asked by Heriberto R 1

maude and claude,,both 91,living in the villages in florida,,they met,,started talking,,became friends. claude asked maude if she would like to go to dinner.yes she said.they went and after dinner they went to claude's apt.they started talking and became interested in each other sexually.well they ended up in bed and after their magic moment together...they each had their own secret thought.....claude thought''if i knew she was still a virgin i'd been more gentler'',,,,,,maude thought '' if i knew he could still do it,i would have taken off my panty hose''.............

2006-10-16 14:53:20 · 17 answers · asked by ggmsixer 5

well what do you think?
1. super funny
2.really funny
3.funny
4.not so funny
5.what the hell

2006-10-16 14:36:33 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He
surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he
returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."

2006-10-16 14:22:54 · 31 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-10-16 14:22:15 · 7 answers · asked by ? 4

She thanked me afterwards ........ her moustache was on fire.

Is this a cruel lie or was it a close shave ?

2006-10-16 14:17:36 · 15 answers · asked by omniversality 2

A man is found dead in an old fashioned glass phone box.

The side windows are broken and the receiver is hanging loose.

and outside the phone box, the man's truck is parked and has not been disturbed, his fishing tackle and other belongings untouched.

The question is... How did he die?

2006-10-16 14:16:12 · 20 answers · asked by mal_function.geo 5