Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

http://www.jokaroo.com/funnyvideos/barking_cat.html

2006-09-03 10:27:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

The defendent please takes to the stand. and here are three more..

What do you say to a working Chav?
Large coke and fries please.

What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit

What do you call a Chav in a filling cabinet?
Sorted

2006-09-03 10:17:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just make sure they aren't any of mine.

Yo momma is so poor when she was kicking an empty can down the road I asked her what she was doing, she said, " I'm movin'! "

Yo momma is so fat when she went to Japan the Sumo Wrestlers came up to her singing, " We are family! "

Yo momma is so dumb she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma is so dumb she stared at a juice carton because it said 'concentrate'.

Yo momma is so fat, each time she walks by the t.v. I miss 2 seasons of Naruto.

Yo momma is so fat no one else could get a seat on the bus.

Can you compete with that?

2006-09-03 09:55:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Biblical
Raining forty days and forty nights

2006-09-03 09:42:05 · 17 answers · asked by texas_sailor21 1

The Grand Old Duke of york only had ten thousand men

2006-09-03 09:41:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Skies,flowers and skulls collieded with easels,paints and canvases when a visiting painter was inspired by spledor of this town's lanscape.what is the name of this town?

2006-09-03 09:29:52 · 7 answers · asked by Veronica M 1

2006-09-03 09:16:44 · 18 answers · asked by J-Kidd "07" 4

2006-09-03 09:16:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."

That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."

The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"

So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."

Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."

2006-09-03 08:51:04 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

...but I blew it.

2006-09-03 08:45:03 · 7 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

O.Kay, heres the joke.
So, there's this guy who has a truck full of penguins. Sudenly, the truck breaks down. Then, he sees another truck on the road and asks, "Excuse me sir, could you please bring my penguins to the zoo?" the other truck driver replys: "sure" The truck driver comes back 2 hours later and he still has the penguins. The first truck driver says: "why do you still have my penguins?" the guy says "brought them to the zoo, and then to the movies. I dont know where else to bring them!"

2006-09-03 08:40:35 · 25 answers · asked by katelynjohofstetter 1

...but I found I was in over my head.

2006-09-03 08:40:24 · 6 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

...but I couldn't "bare" it.

2006-09-03 08:33:55 · 7 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

2006-09-03 08:15:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws

2006-09-03 08:14:34 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

2006-09-03 07:57:57 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

I was wondering if anyone out there has any original or never heard, or hasn't been heard in a long time really funny/hilarious jokes. I tell my mother them and it helps her health. She is real sick and this helps her stay positive and happy. Thanks anyone that replys. I wish I could give all a BEST ANSWER but the one that makes my mother laugh the most gets it. Thanks so much

2006-09-03 07:57:30 · 8 answers · asked by { Me } 2

Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how tough I am."

I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.

The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.

The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself.

He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"

The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this ****, I need to get home to screw the cat."

2006-09-03 07:56:36 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

"i unnerstan that all these tall buildings being real close together cause a sort of updraft, and that if u jumped out the window there, u wouldn hit the ground-the air current would just whisk u right back up here."
"Baloney," said the other guy.
"S'truth" said the first guy."i'll prove it" and he leaped out of the window.
sure enough b4 he reached bottom he reversed direction and came r8 back up again.
"Wow" said the 2nd guy "I'v gotta try tht"
so he jumped-splat!-and it was the last thing he ever did.
The bartender shook his head slowly and said "You sure are a mean drunk" to the 1st man

Can ne1 guess who is the 1st man??????????????

2006-09-03 07:35:46 · 6 answers · asked by psycho 2

Come on...

2006-09-03 06:54:37 · 16 answers · asked by ♫♪♫TAY-LUR♫♪♫ 3

Please no stupid white horse fell in mud ones or anything like that.

2006-09-03 06:43:16 · 10 answers · asked by Bruins Fan 6

Best one gets ten points.

2006-09-03 06:26:40 · 11 answers · asked by One_Man_Show 2

2006-09-03 06:25:02 · 17 answers · asked by Khalid 1

2006-09-03 06:20:34 · 13 answers · asked by Khalid 1

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a lady in front turned around, slapped him, and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, " I didn't like her either, Daddy. She stepped on my toe so I pinched her."

2006-09-03 06:05:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-03 06:04:46 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Will you believe a man who tells all mens are liar.

2006-09-03 06:04:39 · 14 answers · asked by Ravi 3

I am still confused. Can you tell me where is Osama Bin Laden? My secretary Condolezza Bush, oops sorry Condolezza Rice is also very upset that i can neither find bin laden nor i can perform very well at bed with her!

2006-09-03 05:43:58 · 25 answers · asked by Gundruk 3

Give me all the ones you got!!

2006-09-03 05:42:42 · 11 answers · asked by Love 2

2006-09-03 05:36:49 · 8 answers · asked by Ferrariluvr93 2