Please no stupid white horse fell in mud ones or anything like that.
2006-09-03 06:43:16 · 10 answers · asked by Bruins Fan 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
2006-09-03 08:30:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Condensed-
The law is chasing three fugitive females through the woods. With the beighing of the dogs just over the hill behind them, the women- a blond, brunette & redhead- arrive at an abandoned farm. Searching around frantically, they see three gunny sacks and jump inside.
The sherrif & deputy arrive and search the farm. Finally they reach the sacks. The deputy sees the first sack and kicks it. Thinking quick, the brunette says "mew, mew meow!". Figuring it to be a back of kittens to be thrown in the river the deputy then kicks the next sack. "YELP!" yells the redhead. Odd, the deputy thinks, but curiousity drives him to the third sack, which he kicks.
"POTATOES !"
2006-09-03 12:39:10 · answer #2 · answered by Leathers365 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how's this? Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A:Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
And this?
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the
other and said, "I've got to take a ****."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and
****."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ***."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great
idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened
to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ***
with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
2006-09-03 06:57:30 · answer #3 · answered by dex 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋
A new psychiatrist was getting a tour of all the wards at his new post at the mental hospital from a senior Dr. The older doctor told him he could look around and talk to whoever he wanted.
In the first ward he sees a man swinging his arms in a motion similar to a golf swing. the young doctor goes up to him and asks: "Excuse me sir, may I ask what you are doing?"
The man replies: "I'm practicing my golf swing; I'm going to be a golf pro when I get outta here." The young doctor nods and moves on to the next ward.
In the next ward the young doctor sees a man swinging his arms as if holding a bat. The young doctor decides to see what this guy is doing. "Excuse me sir, but may I ask what you are doing?"
The man replies: "I am practicing my batting skills; I'm gonna be a professional baseball player when I get outta here." The young doctor nods and moves on to another ward.
In the next ward the young doctor sees a naked man sitting in a corner. As he gets closer he sees that the man is jerking off with a walnut shell on the end of his @ick. The young doc just has to know what this guy is up to. "Excuse me sir, may I ask what you are doing?"
The man replies: "I'm *ucking nuts and never getting out of here!"
2006-09-03 08:03:17 · answer #4 · answered by Nevar 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What's the first thing a blonde says when she wakes up in the morning?
So, are all you guys on the same team?
2006-09-03 06:45:43 · answer #5 · answered by miguelitabonita 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
2006-09-03 06:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by Gundruk 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Have you heard the one about the blond who couldn't figure out why her ankles would swell up every time she farted into her pantyhose?
2006-09-03 06:58:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
what goes blond brunett blond brunett?
no
a blond doing cartwheels naked!
2006-09-03 07:26:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't tell you because that would be a violation of the worst kind - adult content is not allowed on Yahoo answers. Don't you know that you silly bimbo?
2006-09-03 06:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
Beef....
Chicken
Mutton
Pork
Sausage
Meat
Atleast smile.
It was a non-veg joke.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-03 07:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by Dips 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋