Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-03 22:19:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do I reach there?

2006-09-03 22:15:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Ashcroft said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'

2006-09-03 21:51:04 · 5 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night
after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind
the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin
to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a
short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Mildred and asks,
"Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?" and he replies
SEX!!!"
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held
it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige", says Mildred, who gently unzips his
trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the
garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would
hold Howard's manhood.
Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting
place.
alarmed, Mildred decided to find Howard and make
sure that he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home
where she found him sitting by the pool with another female
resident, Ethel, who was holding Howard's manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel
have that I don't have?!?"

Howard smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's.

Enjoy,

2006-09-03 21:45:10 · 12 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-09-03 21:22:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-03 21:16:14 · 8 answers · asked by G-MAN 1

2006-09-03 21:09:28 · 18 answers · asked by Andrew Petrucci 2

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings
bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks
he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his
usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and
says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know that
you drink Budweiser."

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share
lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around
Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the
club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she
can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts
screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says,
"Looks like you picked up a real ***** tonight, Dave!"

2006-09-03 20:45:46 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest

Happy 16th birthday ... to me! Have a safe holiday everyone! ♥

2006-09-03 20:40:48 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

1st 2 letter refer to male. 1st 3letter refer 2 female. 1st 4 letter refer 2 malewhole word refer 2 female.its a 7 letter word...

2006-09-03 20:27:18 · 19 answers · asked by Santhu Yavaglu Ready... 1

When the body was first made, all parts wanted to
be the Boss. The Brain said, “Since I control
everything and do all the thinking, I should be
Boss”. The Hand said, “Since I must do all the
work and earn all the money to keep the rest of
you going, I should be Boss”. The Eyes said,
“Since I must look out for all of you and tell
you where the danger lurks, I should be Boss.”
And so it went with the Heart, the Ears, the
Feet, the Lungs, and finally the Asshole spoke up
and demanded to be the Boss. All other parts
laughed at the idea of the Asshole being Boss.

The Asshole was so enraged that he blocked
himself off and refused to function. Soon the
Brain was feverish, the Eyes crossed and ached,
the Feet were too weak, the Hands hung limply at
the side, the Heart and Lungs struggled just to
keep going. All pleaded with the Brain to let the
Asshole be Boss. And so it happened. All the
other parts did all the work and the Asshole just
bossed around and passed out a lot of ****.

The Moral of the story: You don’t have to be a
brain to be the boss. You just have to be an
asshole.

2006-09-03 20:25:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1333e1a7e921a769691d2674cd9704e6.666799&cache=1&fr=fpman-cat

2006-09-03 20:20:45 · 5 answers · asked by ▲▼ßððĝiз▼▲ 4

2006-09-03 20:07:00 · 8 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-09-03 20:04:30 · 14 answers · asked by KatzPlace 6

1)Three witches watch three Swatch watches.

Which witch watch which Swatch

watch?

2)Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches.

Which switched

witch watch which Swatch watch switch?

now let's read them carefully:))

2006-09-03 19:54:55 · 18 answers · asked by MaU 1

They call me a man, but I'll never have a wife.I was given a body, but not given life.
They made me a mouth, but didn't give me breath.Water gives me life and sun brings me death.What am I?

2006-09-03 19:50:48 · 22 answers · asked by kiran 1

Gaze at this sentence for just about sixty seconds and then explain
what makes it quite different from the average sentence.
Quick! What is it?

2006-09-03 19:50:23 · 24 answers · asked by kiran 1

What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G,..."? Why?

2006-09-03 19:49:54 · 17 answers · asked by kiran 1

You can find us in Darkness but never in Light.We are present in Daytime but absent at Night.In the deepest of Shadows, We hide in plain sight.What am I?

2006-09-03 19:49:28 · 15 answers · asked by kiran 1

Pronounced as one letter,But look and you'll see,That really I'm written with three.
I'm read from both ends,The same either way.What am I?

2006-09-03 19:47:21 · 13 answers · asked by kiran 1

2006-09-03 19:41:00 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-03 19:34:04 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-03 19:32:55 · 13 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-09-03 19:32:21 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-09-03 19:31:34 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

Last time, we had this following riddle:

What happens when a boat carrying brown paint crashes into a boat carrying purple paint?
A: The crew becomes marooned!

Harharhar! lol... And here is today's riddle:

In the old west, what do they call the teapot thief?

2006-09-03 19:30:04 · 5 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-09-03 19:17:56 · 12 answers · asked by sewshawn 3

2006-09-03 18:59:41 · 7 answers · asked by KiKi Jo 2

2006-09-03 18:38:41 · 4 answers · asked by MissChatea 4

Harriet, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.


After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks a delivery man, "Before you go, may I ask what age you think I am?"

Looking over her carefully, the driver says, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; and your figure, 25."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushes.

"Hold on there, lady!" he says. "I haven't added them up yet!"

2006-09-03 18:25:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous