Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Okay, your in a room and there are no windows or doors all you have in the room is a wooden table and a mirror and knife, how do you get out?

2006-08-21 03:31:25 · 16 answers · asked by rocky 3

2006-08-21 03:29:21 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little girl goes into her father and asks, "Where does pooh come from?"
her father is a bit uneasy about explaining it but he decides he'll have to sometime so he says, "Well, do you know the way we ate breakfast this morning? Well, the food goes into our tummy and our body takes out all the good bits that make us healthy. Then all the bits our body doesn't want comes out in the toilet as pooh!" The father was glad he got that out of the way but then the girl asked, "And what about Tigger?"

2006-08-21 03:13:15 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

What has two horns when young

loses them in adulthood

and regains them in old age?

2006-08-21 03:12:19 · 12 answers · asked by Riddler 1

spiderman and superman got into fight...and superman write on wall "spiderman is asshole"...tomorrow at dawn spiderman write on wall

"superman is Kent Clarc"

2006-08-21 03:12:14 · 11 answers · asked by ns_klosari 1

2006-08-21 03:11:35 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 0f them isnt a 10p!

2006-08-21 03:10:04 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

2006-08-21 03:04:24 · 8 answers · asked by neiako 1

A farmer and his hired help were carrying grain to the barn. The farmer carried one sack of grain and the hired help carried two sacks. Who carried the heavier load and why?

2006-08-21 03:03:31 · 8 answers · asked by neiako 1

A woman has 7 children, half of them are boys.
How can this be possible?

2006-08-21 03:02:26 · 7 answers · asked by neiako 1

2006-08-21 02:59:04 · 22 answers · asked by live-o 2

When it's 6:26 am and you have fuzzy lint in your wheaties and tiny miniature people in your shower, how long will it take you to find your keys and what will be on your head the whole time?

2006-08-21 02:48:49 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4

What is it that can speak any language; does not speak until spoken to and it is sometimes strong and sometimes weak?

2006-08-21 02:45:17 · 12 answers · asked by Riddler 1

What is it that weapons can not cut it; fire can not burn it; water can not make it wet and the air can not make it dry?

2006-08-21 02:44:11 · 17 answers · asked by Riddler 1

A little boy was observing a fly dying on a window sill. He turned to his Daddy and asked, "Daddy, why is that fly on it's back, kicking it's legs in the air?"
To which his Daddy replied, "That fly is dying son, and when it gives it's last, the good lord will pick it up by it's legs and take it up to heaven".
The little boy was unconvinced and decided to go outside and play.

A few weeks later, as his Daddy came in the front door, the little boy dashed down the stairs in floods of tears. His Daddy sat him on the bottom step and asked him what was wrong.
"Well Daddy, I thought Mommy was going to die!" exclaimed the little boy.
Daddy was shocked and asked for a full explination,
"Mommy was lay on the bed Daddy, she was kicking her legs in the air! She was screaming 'God, I'm comming, I'm comming!' and if the milkman hadn't been holding her dowm, she would have gone for sure!".

2006-08-21 02:11:33 · 23 answers · asked by CC...x 5

If it was very rainy and windy day.. and u were driving ur car and there is only 1 free seat next to you.. while you were passing the "Bus stop" you found three people ...
1- ur real love
2-ur best friend who saved your life b4
3- an old woman
who will you pick and why?

2006-08-21 01:59:58 · 15 answers · asked by Lona aa 2

You will never guess the real answer!

2006-08-21 01:42:42 · 11 answers · asked by Bludengutz 2

What we think of when we see a ...
Chinese guy - Kung fu expert,
Black guy - Rapper or a hip-hop artist,
Arab origin guy - Terrorist
Latin american - Gardener or sewage cleaner
White - Can't do no wrong kinda guy

2006-08-21 01:03:18 · 11 answers · asked by The Inquisitive 3

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" " No," he replied, "arthritis."

2006-08-21 00:58:48 · 17 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A woman went into Wal-Mart to buy a rod & reel for her grandson's
> birthday.
>
> She didn't know which one to get so she just grabbed one & went
> over to the counter.
>
> A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,
>
> "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod & reel?"
> He says,
>
> "Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter,
> I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it
> makes."
>
> She doesn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway. He says,
>
> "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
> 10-lb. test line. It's a good all around combination & it's on sale this
> week for only $20.00."
>
> She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the
> sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opened her purse,
> her credit card dropped to the floor. She bent down to pick it up &
> accidentally breaks wind.
>
> At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no
> way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he
> wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
>
> The man rang up the sale and told her, "That'll be $34.50 please."
>
> The woman is totally confused by this & asks, "Didn't you tell me
> it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
>
> He replied, "Yes, Ma'am, the rod & reel is $20.00, but the duck
> call is $11.00 and the catfish bait is $3.50."
>

2006-08-21 00:55:16 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A man had an altercation with his wife. He said, "It's enough. I'm leaving. I'm going to Vietnam."
"Are you crazy? You'll be killed there."
"I'm not going to fight. I'm going to make money."
"How?"
"There are only few men remaining in Vietnam that the Vietnamese women pay a man $100 per night."
"Then I'll go with you"
"What for?"
"To see how you will live on $200 per months."
****************************
A cool girl in the Hawai went into the water and an abrupt wave washed off her bra-bikini. Coming out on the coast she crossed hands on the breast, as all women do, she met a little boy playing on the sand.
The boy:"Lady, if you're going to drown these funny puppies, I'll take the one with a brown nose..!!!"
*********************
Two little boys meet:
- How old are ye?
- I dunno.
- Are you interested in girls?
- No...
- Then you must be four, because I'm five.

2006-08-21 00:51:31 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

This is hilarious! Read to the very end.

A MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is priceless!
Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.

It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered
a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A
man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Stephen. May I
please speak with Ashley Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on
me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Ashley's correct number and called her. I had transposed the
last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I
decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone,
I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down
with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're
interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the
phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're anasshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW M3 cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for
the spot.
The idiot ignored me and then stuck his middle finger out the window
and waved it around. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in his car
window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, ( I
had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW M3 for sale?"

"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a very modern white
house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as
it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.

I called Asshole #1. "Hello." "You're an asshole!"
( But I didn't hang up. )

"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Burgemeyer."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a white house, and to
make easy for you, my black BMW M3 is parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole. Bring your lunch!!"

Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ***." he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill
my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on West
34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I
saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad
cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. Anger management really works...!

2006-08-21 00:51:30 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

a black baby is given
a pair of wings by a fairy.the baby asked,
"does this mean i'm an angel?"
fairy laughs, "of course not, you coulored!!!
ambisious!! your a BAT!!!






hehehheheh
corny right???
lol ^_^





*-* ^-^ *_* ^_^

2006-08-21 00:24:24 · 17 answers · asked by fAsHioN*GiRL 1

True definition of bravery:

True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a night out with the boys...Then...being assaulted by your wife with a broom...And still having the guts to ask "Are you cleaning or were you flying somewhere?"

2006-08-21 00:16:38 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A Buddhist walks up to a hot-dog stand and says "Make me one with everything".

2006-08-21 00:11:58 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men were drinking apple martinis in a bar and had gotten to the stage of arguing about details.

“I tell you it’s spelled W-O-O-M,” the first said loudly.

“No no, no,” the second protested. “It’s W-O-O-0-M.’

“You’re both wrong,” the third ventured.

“I say it’s W-O-O-M-B.”

A gynecologst passing spoke up. “You’re getting close,” she told them. “Actually, it’s W-O-M-B.”

They stared at her a moment, then stared at each other. Finally one spoke:

“Madam,” he said, “it’s obvious that you’ve never heard an elephant fart.”

2006-08-21 00:07:18 · 25 answers · asked by Pd 6

Best Break-Up Letter Ever

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.
It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky.

2006-08-20 23:42:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-20 23:26:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

a woman with a dog passed by a drunk man

the man said "hey, where'd you get the ugly pig?" the woman laughed and said, "dumbass.. this is not a pig, it's a dog"

but the man laughed and said, "i'm not talking to you, i'm talking to him"(points at the dog)

lol.. juz made that up.. so bored..

2006-08-20 23:25:58 · 39 answers · asked by anica 2

your first pets name is the first name.
the first street you ever lived in is your second name.
Eg:myu pets name was boof and my first sreet was hogan crt.
So my porno name would be Boof Hogan.
See how you go .

2006-08-20 23:21:29 · 27 answers · asked by spudster 2