Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-22 06:15:44 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-22 06:14:20 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're
Married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

2006-08-22 06:13:56 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-22 06:12:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

dont get all mad about creationism. It's just a riddle! :P

2006-08-22 06:10:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-22 06:03:27 · 5 answers · asked by 2BaD4u 4

2006-08-22 06:02:34 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

About 7 inches!

2006-08-22 05:59:38 · 8 answers · asked by 2BaD4u 4

1.If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
3.Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4.A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
5.Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
6.If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
8.Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

2006-08-22 05:52:21 · 9 answers · asked by Musab S 1

It's not the first of the week nor the middle of the week. Bring 'em on if they are clean.

2006-08-22 05:48:23 · 7 answers · asked by Mommymonster 7

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?

2006-08-22 05:29:55 · 12 answers · asked by Darren D 1

Why do hummingbirds hum?

2006-08-22 05:28:50 · 8 answers · asked by Darren D 1

Starts with an M and ends with a Y

2006-08-22 05:27:55 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

You and a friend decide to have an egg spinning contest. What can you do to make sure that your egg spins the longest?

2006-08-22 05:22:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Some try to hide, some try to cheat, but time will show, we always will meet.
Try as you might, to guess my name, I promise you'll know, when you I do claim.

Who am I?

2006-08-22 05:20:58 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bill rode his bicycle 300 miles. Three tires were used equally in accumulating this distance. How many miles of wear did each tire sustain?

2006-08-22 05:19:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-22 05:15:51 · 15 answers · asked by c.c. 3

yo -momma is sooooooooooo((((((((((FAT it took jaws and king kong a month to eat her lol hahaha........

2006-08-22 05:07:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

This old ladies husband died. Shes depressed, and decides to kill herself. She wants to shoot herself in the heart but is not really sure of where its at. She calls her doctor and asks "where exactlly is my heart located", the doctor replys " Directly below your left breast....... Later that day she checked herself into the ER with a gun shot wound to her left knee cap.

2006-08-22 05:07:03 · 8 answers · asked by Mike S 2

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Fool's love their jobs; but jobs love the freaking fools even more!

Signs Written in English Discovered Around the World (some of these are pretty funny.)

On a French passenger jet:
Live West under Your Seat.

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today: no ice cream.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Two signs from a Mallorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.

At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own asz?

At a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live  together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable foods, give it to the guard on duty.

At the office of a Rome doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

At an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

At a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Strange Signs in London

Spotted on a bathroom of an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES. PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK)

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-22 05:01:32 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-22 04:51:23 · 28 answers · asked by Tivvy 3

the net is mounted five feet above the floor plus half its own height. Therefore,How high is the net mounted above the floor.?

2006-08-22 04:43:10 · 9 answers · asked by lillynolilly 2

If so where is he performing and I know there no AMerican Soilders there or near there.

2006-08-22 04:38:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Seargant major calls up the Irish soldier and says to him; Murphy, I want you to go on foot to the shore and meet the carrier pigeon. Important message coming in and you're the only one brave enough to go and get it. So off he goes, when he gets to the enemy front he has to get through a line of horseback cavalry, swordsmen, even has archers shooting at him. He has to cross ditches and wire fences, climb over walls and through bushes, always under attack, but he meets the pigeon and makes it back to the barracks after two days, exhausted and starving with all his clothes torn and his beret hanging by a thread.
Seargent major comes marching up to him as soon as he arrives back and says; Murphy, well done old boy, you made it back in one piece; what was the message?









Murphy says: COO-OO-OO

2006-08-22 04:21:40 · 22 answers · asked by paulobfunky 2

When my friend had the same food, he was ok?!

2006-08-22 03:48:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hello my name is gareth and I eat bikes. Yesterday I saw a train dancing in a swimming pool that was filled with juice. I was very scared so I did the 1 2 step with P DIddy and 50 cent. They well enjoyed it so I invited them round for tea and biscuits at 6 . They turned up but they shot my parents and killed my cat. I cried .
The end !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-22 03:47:51 · 25 answers · asked by Chris S 1

2006-08-22 03:44:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Would you -

Send an innocent person to prison

or...

Release a guilty one?

2006-08-22 03:23:51 · 27 answers · asked by pedlamaniacs 2

I like these:

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

10 points for the best answer.

2006-08-22 03:15:05 · 8 answers · asked by ? 6

It is not so hard once you know the answer. Yes, if you know you are sure you have the right answer.

2006-08-22 03:13:52 · 3 answers · asked by Puppy Zwolle 7