Do you have any good one-liners?

Question

I like these:

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

10 points for the best answer.

Answer 1

My all time favorite, actual headline from the Weekly World News:

GIRL GIVES BIRTH TO CHIMP IN TRAGIC SPERMBANK MIXUP!

Answer 2

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Answer 3

i have some funny ones
1. if you want to find the spelling of some word from tyhe dictionary, how will you find it without spelling it?
2. the first dictionary was made by....(i don't know who!) how did the maker know all the spellings?
3. the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

Answer 4

~waiting for 10 points is like waiting for the world to end!
~God gives every bird its' food to eat, but he didn't THROW IT IN THEIR NEST!
~you can sit in the closet all day and PRAY for food and still go HUNGRY!
~Intelligence without COMMON SENSE is useless!!(my mother told me that when I was being sarcastic to her!)
~two things are guaranteed - taxes and death - but, where is it written that we have to be TAXED TO DEATH!
~Is the glass half-emtpy or half-full?? HELL, it's just a glass!

Answer 5

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bastard!"

Answer 6

still the best one to date....

BEAUTY IS ONLY A LIGHT SWITCH AWAY...

IVE USED THAT ONE A LOT..

Answer 7

your not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Answer 8

ok