Seargant major calls up the Irish soldier and says to him; Murphy, I want you to go on foot to the shore and meet the carrier pigeon. Important message coming in and you're the only one brave enough to go and get it. So off he goes, when he gets to the enemy front he has to get through a line of horseback cavalry, swordsmen, even has archers shooting at him. He has to cross ditches and wire fences, climb over walls and through bushes, always under attack, but he meets the pigeon and makes it back to the barracks after two days, exhausted and starving with all his clothes torn and his beret hanging by a thread.
Seargent major comes marching up to him as soon as he arrives back and says; Murphy, well done old boy, you made it back in one piece; what was the message?
Murphy says: COO-OO-OO
2006-08-22 04:21:40 · 22 answers · asked by paulobfunky 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Englishman, Scotsman & a Jew go for a meal. When the bill comes the Scotsman says i'll take care of that! The meals on me.
Headline in the local paper next day: Jewish Ventriloquist found dead in alley!
2006-08-22 08:33:48 · answer #1 · answered by Gray 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money; I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again!"
Bob took the money!!!
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After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that with six children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."
"Well" said the nurse; "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
Ahhh, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband he's ! delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Jane. "And the third?"
"That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit," said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
2006-08-22 13:10:58 · answer #2 · answered by alimarwil 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Little Johnny was in class and it was story time and it was Little Johnny s turn, the teacher was scared of what Little Johnny had to say. So he started his story about his Uncle Sam in Viet-nam he was behind enemy lines and all he had was a pistol with 7 rounds a knife and a bottle of Jack Daniels, well he drank the Jack Daneils and headed for his lines. He came across a couple of platoon of Viet cong regulars . He pulled out his pistol and began shooting , took out his knife and started carving them Viet cong up ! all of a sudden the teacher asked Johnny what this story was leading up to and what it had to do with class and Johnny told her I was just letting you know not to fuc with my Uncle Sam when he s been drinking Jack Daneils
2006-08-22 04:56:03 · answer #3 · answered by twopipes1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's all in the delivery. This joke gets a 6/10
2006-08-22 04:29:33 · answer #4 · answered by VetteLeo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The message was:
"What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?"
"One less drunk!"
2006-08-22 04:31:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Whats the difference between you and bananas?
I like bananas.
2006-08-22 06:26:05 · answer #6 · answered by vwallwood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, THAT didn't make sense at all.
So to answer your question which was "Who knows a better joke than this?", I would have to answer: "Most people"
2006-08-22 04:56:33 · answer #7 · answered by JaneB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol loved it especially when ya can here it in an irish voice
2006-08-22 09:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why was the mushroom invited to the party??
'Cause he was a fun-guy!!
2006-08-22 04:29:05 · answer #9 · answered by yodellingdolphinofkirkwall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why have elephants got big ears??
cos noddy wouldn't pay the ransom
2006-08-22 09:25:33 · answer #10 · answered by superman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋