Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

whoever gets the correct answer (or closest) they get the points!

2006-08-27 07:10:52 · 48 answers · asked by susie 2

Give me some beer jokes to share with the guys and gals.
Please nothing too nasty now they are decent folks.

2006-08-27 07:07:26 · 4 answers · asked by mindbender - seeker of truth 5

Best joke I haven't heard before gets ten points. Or best joke I have heard if I have heard them all or don't find the ones I haven't heard funny.

2006-08-27 07:04:14 · 3 answers · asked by LADY ICE 3

a thing which is very cold if u keep it out it will change into water

2006-08-27 06:52:43 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a pile

walk naked to the bathroom. if you see your girlfriend /wife along the way, flash her, making the 'woo woo' sound

look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut and scratch yourself

get in the shower

don’t bother to look for a washcloth. (you don’t use one)

wash your face

wash your armpits

wash your bits

shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner)

make a shampoo Mohawk

pull back shower curtain and look at your self in the mirror

pee (in the shower)

rinse off and get out of the shower. fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your Mohawk

partially dry off

look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. admire endowment

leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor

leave bathroom fan and light on

return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. if you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, go ‘yeah baby’ and thrust your pelvis at her

throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed

2006-08-27 06:39:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Click on the link below.....Ignore all the Russian writing and type your name in the box at the top of the page, then click enter to see how your name looks in Russian.

http://www.callme.nm.ru/

2006-08-27 06:38:47 · 26 answers · asked by ? 3

This thing all things devour;
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down.

First to answer 10 pts!!

2006-08-27 06:37:21 · 14 answers · asked by dflo203 2

To answer this riddle tell me where the family in the riddle lives.

The family does not pay rent and they didn't pay anything for this house they are living in (aka it's free but there is a time limit on how long they can live in this house). Families before them lived in this house, with and without children but only one family at a time could live there.

2006-08-27 06:21:46 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to whites and coloreds

walk to the bathroom wearing long dressing gown. if you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, you cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom

look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out you gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat

get in the show. look for facecloth, arm cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone

wash your hair once with cucumber shampoo with 83 added vitamins

wash your hair once with cucumber shampoo with 83 added vitamins

condition your hair with cucumber conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. leave on hair for 15 minutes

wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw

wash entire rest of body with gingernut body wash

rinse conditioner from hair. (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off)

shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead

scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure

turn off shower

squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots

get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel

check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit

attack with nails if found

return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head

if you see your boyfriend/husband along the way,cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend at least an hour and a half getting dressed

2006-08-27 06:17:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

If money is, really, the root of all evil, why do preacher's want it so freaking badly?

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand......and try saying things like, 'I see', 'yes', 'go on', and 'I understand'."

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying "No sh*t?.... what happened next?"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-27 06:06:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you know 4 out of 5 people make up 80% of human population? :-)

2006-08-27 05:45:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

R. Kelly is writing an autobiography, he started it out with Prologue that went something like this:

Last night I touched a dream, and now I believe I can fly. I'm Coming out of the Closet and I'm Bringing all those twelve year old girls out with me, 'cuz prayer changes things and now they can legally bump n' grind in the kitchen.

2006-08-27 05:43:13 · 11 answers · asked by Rick R 5

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the
doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's
head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby
has slanted eyes."

To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese
men were pretty good, so I decided to give them
a try.”

The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push
again. This time the baby's body comes out.
"Holy ****, your baby has a white body," the
doctor says.

"Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good
so I decided to give them a try," she said.

The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her
to push again and that will be it. So she does
and the legs come out. "Holy ****!, your baby
has black legs," the doctor said.

"Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good
so I decided to give them a try," she said.

So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the
umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ***, it
starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and
asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who
has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?"

The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

2006-08-27 05:34:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

♣♠♂♀☼☻☺◦◙◘●○◊♫♪♥♦▲►▼◄▓▒░₪۞۝۩ۖۗۘۙۚۻ


ẲΠΠẰ

2006-08-27 05:18:45 · 13 answers · asked by anna omy 1

A guy applies for a job at a Government Department.

The interviewer asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
"Yes!" the guy says, "...a landmine blew my testicles away!"
"O.K. you're hired!" the interviewer announces, "Working hours are from 8 till 5 o'clock. Make sure you're here by 10 every morning!" Puzzled the guy says "8 till 5, why do you want me to come in only at 10?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. The first two hours we just sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for that....!"

2006-08-27 05:09:23 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

Lorena Bobbit died in a car crash, the ironic thing is... she died from a D i c k cutting her off. ♥

2006-08-27 05:00:54 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

what do you think of this, it's almost as it's really, I really laughed with it
http://ebaumsworld.com/presaddress2.shtml

hope this fits in jokes and riddles, doesn't fit in government if I saw the answers....

2006-08-27 05:00:28 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?

A: A refund.


Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?

A: He's the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

2006-08-27 04:56:50 · 20 answers · asked by the boy with no name 2

Only one color, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
What is it.

2006-08-27 04:53:19 · 20 answers · asked by Mr T 4

No legs have I to dance,
No lungs have I to breathe,
No life have I to live or die
And yet I do all three.
What am I?

2006-08-27 04:52:11 · 17 answers · asked by Mr T 4

Want to know how?

2006-08-27 04:50:14 · 11 answers · asked by motherchild 2

Im here, Im there, Im everwhere.
Im big,
Im small,
Im short,
Im tall.
Im here during laughter,
and im here during sarrow,
Im here today,
Im here tomarrow.
Im hot,
Im cold,
Im new,
Im old.
Yet I cannot been seen in anyway,
I help everyone in many ways.
What am I?

2006-08-27 04:49:19 · 14 answers · asked by Mr T 4

Why did Ravana (most popular demon in India) refused to take oath when he went to a court?

Its a funny answer, ok......

2006-08-27 04:35:05 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Boy, I'm scared," Anthony said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" the friend asks.
"It's not that," declared Anthony. "He didn't sign his name!"

2006-08-27 04:29:46 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-27 04:26:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Anybody here have some real good dumb blonde jokes?!
Best Dumb Blonde joke recieves 10 points!!

2006-08-27 04:20:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Sardar (Sikh, Indian) was getting bitten by mosquitoes during the night. He got extremely irritated.

Now what happens next? How did he solve this problem?

2006-08-27 04:08:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, so I've kept from asking questions about relationships, life situations, my interests, etc. but as random as it is, this one is bugging me too much...

In EVERY representation of the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty my friends and I have seen, he is represented as being an egg (see http://images.google.com.au/images?svnum=10&hl=en&lr=&q=humpty+dumpty for further example), but WHERE in the entire nursery rhyme does it ever actually state that he IS an egg? Why the heck do we all assume this?

Source:

http://images.google.com.au/images?svnum=10&hl=en&lr=&q=humpty+dumpty

2006-08-27 04:05:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blondie looks at cheerios(the cereal) and sais...."oh look its mini donuts!" wat do u think of this joke?

2006-08-27 04:00:28 · 24 answers · asked by missvixenx 2

2006-08-27 03:54:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous