Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

me i think they should get jail

2006-08-01 04:03:45 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

An........................................parts.

2006-08-01 03:58:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don't you think it's about time?

2006-08-01 03:55:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a
valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same
speed as you.In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.

2006-08-01 03:52:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."
So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy.

''Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge.

''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''

''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''

''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.

''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...''

2006-08-01 03:51:05 · 28 answers · asked by Stephanie 3

board

2006-08-01 03:50:56 · 11 answers · asked by urbantiger1294 2

i really need a good laugh

2006-08-01 03:47:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Click the Site below but read this first!

The Mouse of your computer will grow right infront of your eyes and believe me it will!
Its to do with Hypnosis!

First clik the site Below then click freedownload of the LARGE Hypnotic Spiral Image then open it and double click the option!


Just stare at the centre of the Spiral for 15 seconds then look at your mouse and I bet it starts growing! Its Brilliant

2006-08-01 03:47:45 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Correct answer will get 10 Points.

2006-08-01 03:46:59 · 8 answers · asked by Electric 7

Apparatus:A 5 gallon bottle(no measurements),a 3 gallon bottle(no measurements),an endless supply of water

Use these to fill 4 gallons of water in the 5 gallon bottle.(Do not use any other device)

2006-08-01 03:43:59 · 8 answers · asked by Ark Angel 2

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

2006-08-01 03:42:36 · 6 answers · asked by Stephanie 3

Poor Hippo has to go back to school next week. Of course, Goose is still too young for school so he stays home and helps Mrs Pilkinton bake cakes all day.

Lucky old Goose, but I think Hippo will need cheering up when he gets home.

What should Mrs Pilkinton and Goose do to make him feel better?

2006-08-01 03:41:45 · 3 answers · asked by markhatter 6

2006-08-01 03:41:26 · 13 answers · asked by na 1

2006-08-01 03:39:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Vain: You love the smell of your own farts.
Amiable: You love the smell of other people's farts.
Proud: You think your farts are exceptionally fine.
Shy: You release silent farts and then blush.
Impudent: You boldly fart out loud and then laugh.
Unfortunate: You try really hard to fart, but you poop instead.
Scientific: You fart regularly but you're concerned about pollution.
Nervous: You stop in the middle of your fart.
Honest: You admit that you farted but offer good medical reasons.
Dishonest: You fart and then blame the dog.
Foolish: You suppress your farts for hours.
Thrifty: You always keep a couple of good farts in reserve.
Anti-Social: When the need arises, you excuse yourself from the
room and fart in private.
Strategic: You fart and then conceal it with loud coughing.
Sadistic: You fart in bed and then pull the cover up over your partner's head.
Athletic: You fart at the slightest exertion.
Sensitive: You fart and then start crying.

2006-08-01 03:38:34 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

2006-08-01 03:36:36 · 5 answers · asked by Stephanie 3

2006-08-01 03:32:08 · 6 answers · asked by Xavier 2

.... for Mrs Pilkintons birthday?

Goose - "I know, a hammer"
Hippo - " How about some toenails"

Oooh, isn't Mrs Pilkinton lucky?
What do you think they should buy her?

2006-08-01 03:29:40 · 5 answers · asked by markhatter 6

Do you love to laugh those little dwarves? I think midgets are hilarious.

2006-08-01 03:28:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Awww, Hippo and Goose are off on their annual holiday to Margate.
As usual, Mrs Pilkinton will be going with them to stop them getting into trouble. Last year she had to rescue them from the local police station after they accidentally set fire to farmer grumpys donkey.

What do you think could go wrong this year?

2006-08-01 03:27:05 · 4 answers · asked by markhatter 6

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. The bartender tells the man that he cannot bring such a dangerous animal into the bar. The man assures him that the gator is completely tame and offers a demonstration. He opens the gator's mouth, places his penis inside and closes it. He then beats the alligator on the head with a stick. Then, he gently opens the gator's mouth, removes his penis and shows it to the crowd. There wasn't a scratch on it. He turns and says, "Now would anyone else like to try?"

A little old women raises her hand and says, "Yes I would, but please don't hit me on the head with the stick."

2006-08-01 03:26:52 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

a racist?

2006-08-01 03:21:32 · 9 answers · asked by wind mage 3

He's only gone and knocked over Mrs Pilkintons fine china teapot.
Goose fell about laughing but how should hippo be punished??

2006-08-01 03:18:46 · 4 answers · asked by markhatter 6

whoever gives me the best joke gets it.

2006-08-01 03:18:02 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later.

His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook ..."

2006-08-01 03:17:23 · 8 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

put it under some soap.lol,i know im silly,enjoy your 2 points

2006-08-01 03:16:56 · 14 answers · asked by cote8377 2

Hippo - I want sandwiches
Goose - I want cake
Mrs Pilkinton - I don't care what you 2 want, you've both been naughty!!!!

Just what had they done I wonder???

2006-08-01 03:13:30 · 5 answers · asked by markhatter 6

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid." The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

2006-08-01 03:12:21 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Here's another one:
(I updated the names with a more Y2K-6 appeal)

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Tyler raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Paige was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Dustin, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Dustin how he knew this.
Little Dustin said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"

2006-08-01 03:10:26 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6

There was a blond in a row boat in the middle of a field. Another blond pulls along side the field in a car, gets out and says "Your a discrace to blonds like me and if i could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ***!!!"

2006-08-01 03:05:24 · 12 answers · asked by Spazo 1