Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Canopy.
Canopy who?
Canopy? Or should I just urinate on your porch?
(Get it? Canopy sounds like "Can I pee?")

2006-08-01 09:38:11 · 16 answers · asked by L-Rad 4

2006-08-01 09:36:23 · 11 answers · asked by cool 1

Old joke

2006-08-01 09:24:19 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 09:24:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 09:17:20 · 10 answers · asked by D 3

2006-08-01 08:59:22 · 15 answers · asked by wasim r 1

I have a Golden Retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog
Food at
Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.



A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no,
I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out
of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.



I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been
sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.



I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.

2006-08-01 08:58:32 · 7 answers · asked by campojoe 4

Two batsmen are on their respective crease, each one have 94 runs as their individual scores. the team need 7 more runs to win. two more balls left. the team won the match and also both the batsmen got a century. how is this possible?

2006-08-01 08:50:58 · 16 answers · asked by gr8_steph 2

2006-08-01 08:35:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

really tuff question

2006-08-01 08:24:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hi, do anyone know jokes or riddles has any copyright??thanks.

2006-08-01 08:22:40 · 2 answers · asked by pumpump 1

2006-08-01 08:18:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask
you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People
sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow
me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When
I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your
fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm
called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when
engaged in my job. What am I?

2006-08-01 08:13:06 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

what are they reffering to if someone says "you left your friends in the pool" 1st person correct gets the 10 points!

2006-08-01 08:10:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

hey i've got my reasons for what i'm doing=and i hope i think of some pretty soon
i can't find it=it didn't fall out into my outsretched hands,so i'm completely clueless
what did i do this time?=what did you catch me at?
i heard you=i haven't the foggiest clue what youjust said,and am hoping desperatelythat i can fake it well enoughso that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me
you know i could never love anyone else=i am used to the way you yell at me, and relize it could be worse
you look terrific=oh, god, please don't try one more outfit. i'm starving
i'm not lost. i know exactly where we are=no one will ever see us alive again
we share the housework=i make the messes, she cleans them up

2006-08-01 08:03:31 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 08:02:42 · 12 answers · asked by crazyleem 1

2006-08-01 07:45:53 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

...





Half a worm in your apple...





...





What is worse than half a worm in your apple?





...





The Holocaust

2006-08-01 07:32:57 · 12 answers · asked by pr0d1gy88 1

#1
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and
cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite
out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it!
#2
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn. I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

2006-08-01 07:27:51 · 36 answers · asked by ♥--->{Shauntee}<---♥ 4

i heard it on a radio station......it's real funny...person that says answer gets 10 points

2006-08-01 07:22:21 · 10 answers · asked by suga coatz 3

girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, ” we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10!

“Very good,” said her mother.

” Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, ‘ we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B , C , D, E , F , G!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because you’re blonde”

“The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled ” we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls have flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36cs.

“Very good,” said her embarassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“No, honey. It’s because you’re 24!”

2006-08-01 07:21:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Spotted in a toilet of a London (UK) office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Sign at a Conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On Locker:
PENIS STuc

2006-08-01 07:19:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mary's father has 5 daughters, Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono, and, who is the last daughter???
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>Nunu? NO THATS EASY IT'S MARY

2006-08-01 07:18:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Questions to the World's Easiest Quiz

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2)Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5)What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
Check your answers below






Answers to the World's Easiest Quiz
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheeps and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6)The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

2006-08-01 07:18:34 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation,
A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother, and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became the mother-in-law of her father-in-law.Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half brother.This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also my grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife.to sum up,I am my stepmother's brother-in-law; my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather. And you think you have family problems?"

2006-08-01 07:14:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate." The wife opt 4 vanilla."
The dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says"What do you want fat head?"The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him the head and call him fat head?"
The husband said, "There are 3 things in life a man wants:The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nicebig truck sitting there (outside) that's mine!!!The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house and i got one on the edge of town? The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pu*sy,and I had that until this fat head came along!!!"

2006-08-01 07:07:00 · 30 answers · asked by Pd 6

I Know......

2006-08-01 07:06:53 · 14 answers · asked by lillynolilly 2

thank the lord I'm not a blonde

2006-08-01 07:02:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

now is the time to tell me a friggin joke

2006-08-01 06:59:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

How is a raven like a writing desk?

2006-08-01 06:56:32 · 6 answers · asked by GD-Fan 6