2006-08-01 09:36:23 · 11 answers · asked by cool 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
Q. Why do dumb blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath. Funny blonde jokes...
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Good Dumb Blonde jokes...
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. What do a mo-ped and a blond have in common?
A. They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A. The blonde works in the dark!
Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
Q. What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. What do Blondes say after sex?
A1. Thanks Guys.
A2. Are you boys all in the same band?
A3. Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q. What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q. Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A. Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q. Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
Q. How do blond brain cells die?
A. Alone.
Q. Five blondes are facing execution, a rocket scientist, a historian, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
A. The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.
Q. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A. Wave
Q. What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A. They both have black roots.
Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What, what?
Q. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when they're ******.
Q. How would a blond punctuate the following?. "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.
Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
2006-08-01 09:45:43 · answer #1 · answered by Evan R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, I'm deaf, so, I haven't. LOL just kidding.
Three nuns died and went to heaven. They saw God standing next to a bowl of Holy Water.
"You three nuns have been very kind followers of me," God said. "So I'm allowing you to do one bad thing on Earth to understand the evil you've been preaching against."
"But that would be horrible," a nun said.
"That is why when you drink this Holy water, the changes you made on Earth will be taken away." god said. The nuns went down to earth. Ten minutes later, they returned.
"I shot a man twelve times," the first nun said. She drank the Holy water and disappeared.
"I blew up a daycare," said the second nun before she drank the Holy Water.
"What'd you do?" asked God to the third nun.
"Well, i didn't wanna go back to Earth," she said. "So I peed in the Holy Water.
2006-08-01 09:48:17 · answer #2 · answered by keybaordz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read this on yahoo answers today and thought it was funny
what's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
finding 1/2 a worm
what's worse then finding 1/2 a worm in your apple?
The holocaust
2006-08-01 09:44:11 · answer #3 · answered by lexie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,you'vereached jim and sonya.We can't pick up the phone right now,because we're doing something we really enjoy.Sonya likes it up and down,and Ilike doning it left to right....real slowly.So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back u.
2006-08-01 09:42:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three guys were having a problem with one guy.
That guy always says "It could have been worse."
Then the three guys made up a story and told that guy this story.
The story is: Last night, Mrs.------ was making out with a man, but her husband arrived home early. Her husband got so angry that he grabbed a gun and shot them down."
That guy said, "It could've been worse."
The three guys were looking at each other, and they were puzzled.
So they asked him, "How could it been worse?"
That guy said, "It could have been the night before."
2006-08-01 11:13:46 · answer #5 · answered by SweetBrunette 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yo mama is so old wen i told her to act her age - SHE DIED
yo mama is so short she had to slamdunk her busfair
yo mama is so dumb she sat on the tv to watch the sofa
why did the black man cross the road, because there was a white man on the same side
2006-08-01 09:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by da_sn1p3r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'
-- Jay Leno
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed. Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
A rich couple get into a fight over the wife spending too much money. He says, "Baby, if you would just get off your *** once in a while and learn to cook and clean, we could get rid of the live in maid"! She says, "Oh yeah! well if you would just learn how to ****! we could get rid of the chauffeur"!!!
One evening at a bar a group of men were watching the news.
The news had on a story about a man threatening to jump off a
high ledge. The first man says that he bets 100 dollars that the
guy jumps, the second says that he bets 100 that he doesn't.
The man jumps and the second man pays the first and leaves.
The first man chases after him because he felt bad. The news
was recapping the story that happened an hour ago and he
already knew beforehand that he jumped. He catches up with
the second guy and tells him this. The second guy replies," I
know but I didn't think that guy would be dumb enough to jump
again!"
High Tech Bodies
Three women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.
"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang.
The Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly.
When she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech.
Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues. "Johnny!"
Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the store.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a fart!"
A blonde who is speeding is pulled over by a blonde police officer. The police officer asks the woman, can I see your driver's license? The woman responds, "What is that?" The police officer says, "It's small and has your picture on it." The woman looks in her purse, finds her compact, opens it, and then hands it to the police officer and says, "Does this work?" The police officer opens it, looks, and then says, "I'm sorry, if I had known you were a police officer, I would not have pulled you over in the first place."
3 dumb girls are going on a hike
girl number one says she'll bring food
girl number two says she'll bring water
girl nmber three says she'll bring a car door
the other two girls ask why?
girl number three says " because if it gets hot we caan roll down the window
the other girls clapped and kept on saying how smart girl number three is.
2006-08-01 09:54:49 · answer #7 · answered by ♥♪♫[K]ath² [BUTT '14 ツ]♫♪♥™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy who wrote the 'Hokey Pokey' died
His funeral took 2 days
they put his left foot in, they took his left foot out . . .
2006-08-01 09:40:16 · answer #8 · answered by mike c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knock Knock ... f8 urself ... from a movie i cant remember
2006-08-01 09:40:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why doesnt Hitler drink?
Cause when he gets drunk he can get a bit nasty.
2006-08-01 09:39:51 · answer #10 · answered by peaco1000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋