Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

I'm here I'm There I'm Everywhere.
I'm big
I'm small
I'm short
I'm tall
I'm here durng laughter
I'm here during sorrow
I'm here today
I'm here tomorrow
I'm hot
I'm cold
I'm new I'm old
Yet I'm never seen in anyway,
I help everyone in many ways.
What am I?

Firstone 2 get it wright gets 10points ;)

2006-08-01 06:51:50 · 11 answers · asked by Deedee ♥ 2

You know, the kind of jokes guys get pissed about when you tell them something about their mamma! I got a good one!:
Your mamma's so fat, she steped on a weighing scale, and it said her phone number!
Anyone like to share their's ?

2006-08-01 06:49:30 · 12 answers · asked by rustys_rider 3

Note I didn't grow up Italian; but with some minor editing these pretty much covered it for people who grew up, like I did, with parents from Europe, South America or the Caribbean!

1. You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral.
2. You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich."
3. Your family dog understood Italian.
4. Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.
5. You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.
6. You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.
7. You thought killing the pig each year and having salami, capacollo, pancetta and prosciutto hanging out to dry from your shed ceiling was absolutely normal. (Wow, that's really Italian!)
8. You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday, and laughed at the commercial for Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti day.
9. You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.
10. You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
11. You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.
12. You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.
13. Your mom's main hobby is cleaning.
14. You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.
15. You thought that everyone made their own tomato sauce.
16. You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.
17. You ate your salad after the main course.
18. You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.
19. You were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon or broom.
20. You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your hand.
21. You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.
22. You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.
23. All of your uncles fought in a World War.
24. You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frank, Joe or Louie.
25. You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.
26. You have relatives you don't speak to. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
27. You drank wine before you were a teenager.
28. You relate on some level, admit it, to the Godfather and the Sopranos. I maka a meata ball you can't refuse! ...forrgetttabbboutit! badda bing!
29. You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.
30. Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. Wait you were sitting on plastic.
31. You thought that talking loud was normal.
32. You thought sugared almonds and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.
33. You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.
34. Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.
35. There was a crucifix in every room of the house.
36. Wakes would be held in someone's living room.
37. You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father. (Oh, and he had to be Italian)
38. You called pasta "macaroni".
39. You dreaded taking out your lunch at school.
40. Going out for a cup of coffee usually meant going out for a cup of coffee over Zia's house.
41. Every condition, ailment, misfortune, memory loss and accident was attributed to the fact that you didn't eat something.
42. Those of you who get this...YOU KNOW who to pass it on to!

CIAO!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-01 06:47:23 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you hear water running? Must be these PIPES!

Hissss! What's that sound? Must be these PYTHONS!

Provide me with more cheesy pick-up lines from the gym, please. ☺

2006-08-01 06:47:21 · 6 answers · asked by NA 6

I don't like the answers to my question http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Al8pBdoQHeFS2os3Hpo9Lmrsy6IX?qid=20060727105924AAdaqWt

I would love to get an answer that I liked so I could vote for a best answer! Do you have any suggestions so that I can get exposure for my question?

2006-08-01 06:42:11 · 4 answers · asked by why 3

2006-08-01 06:37:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 06:35:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok post your jokes here
ill judge them
if yours is the best i will make yours the best answer and u win 10 points
yay

2006-08-01 06:31:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 06:31:03 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

try me i dont laugh easy

2006-08-01 06:29:13 · 8 answers · asked by Puddles 3

simple jokes only please

2006-08-01 06:13:24 · 24 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-08-01 05:55:43 · 21 answers · asked by fourstringstothepoint 1

I am beginning to think that nothing is really free in this world
and the earlier people realise this the better.

2006-08-01 05:55:04 · 9 answers · asked by ahmed a 1

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.



Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.



Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

2006-08-01 05:39:59 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Women will Load after suiting . Gun will suit after Loading.."

Ur comments...

2006-08-01 05:33:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 05:33:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 05:28:00 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 lovers went to a theater . a mosquito will enter into girls skirt. do you know where it will bite. naughty mind always it will bite on boy's hand.

2006-08-01 05:20:28 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 05:19:34 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The person that makes them dosen't use them.
The person that uses it dosen't know it.
The person that knows it dosen't need it.

2006-08-01 05:06:02 · 10 answers · asked by squeak 1

2006-08-01 05:02:37 · 15 answers · asked by Asiimwe M 1

Can batman fight this character without protests that he took him down because he was gay?

Since DC Comics has made the new batgirl lesbian, will she disown batman for not being sensitve to this lifestyle?

2006-08-01 05:01:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city’s stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, “How about that! Here’s a picture of my daddy.”

He bought the “picture,” but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn’t much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man’s many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy’s suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly ***** he’s runnin’ around with.”

2006-08-01 04:55:54 · 19 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

A RIDDLE THAT'LL KILL YOUR BRAIN!
>>
>>This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words in the English
>>language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE
>>knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses them
>>everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third
>>word. What is it? _______gry? Send this to 5 People and the answer will
>>pop up on the screen automatically.
>>

2006-08-01 04:44:49 · 19 answers · asked by Good Knight 2

my friend showed me exam paper of chemistry a guy who wrote all funny answers do u know any such link frm where i could get it

2006-08-01 04:35:33 · 8 answers · asked by dedchad 1

2006-08-01 04:28:47 · 9 answers · asked by abdelhamid m 1

It's a "joke",but I didn't laugh.

Here is it:

When Eva took the apple from an evil snake,God has spoken to her: Eva!!! You did the wrong thing Eva!!! Now,you must pay with your blood...!

Eva turned around,looking kinda uninterested,and said "Can I pay in instalments?"

And that's how women got their period.



So,do you find this funny? I certainly don't.I think it is rather offencive to women and religion.

I've read this in newspaper.Feel free to speak your mind.Any comment will be apreciatted.
( :

2006-08-01 04:26:32 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-01 04:10:54 · 14 answers · asked by Michelle L 1

Please make them clean.

2006-08-01 04:05:37 · 26 answers · asked by bob the blob 2

What is greater than God, more evil than the Devil, The poor have it, the rich need it, if you eat it, you die !! ?

2006-08-01 04:04:58 · 17 answers · asked by Alice 2