Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-02 23:10:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What did the dog with a say when he burst into the salloon.

if there is a funnier answer than the real one i might give it to you.

2006-08-02 22:56:40 · 8 answers · asked by nefariousx 6

BED TALK:

BOY: is this your first time?
GIRL: (angrily) of course! hmpf! men! always asking the same question!

2006-08-02 22:56:23 · 9 answers · asked by c3dr1c 3

there was an irish man who went to a bar.he askes for the strongest wiskey.He drank it,turned around to the strongest man there and spit at him.The man said don't u do that again Mr.The irish man asks for another shot and does the same thing.The big buff man said u do it again I'll cut your balls off.So the irish man does it again.The buff man grabs the man and says now Im gonna getcha. He pulls down the irish mans pants to find nothing.The buff man asks why don't u have balls.The irish man replys cause we don't pee that way.The buff man says well how do u pee.The irish man replys out our mouths. DUh

2006-08-02 22:32:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

(If you remember the rainbow theme it helps)

Up above the streets and houses,
bungle flying high,
opens up his hairy @rse,
and s-h-i-ts in geoffereys eye.

2006-08-02 22:28:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a little boy named Johnny make her happy. His mom and dad went out to eat. His baby sitter came over to watch him. He said Sally can we play chest?She's all don't u mean chess. He's like No.She said no.He asks Sally can we go play games in my sisters room. She said k.So they go in the room.He asks Sally will u take off your shirt.She's like No ur parents would kill me. He's like I'll tell my dad.She's like k.So then he's like will u take off your pants.She's like no.He said then I'll tell my mom and dad.She said k.Then he asked will u take off your bra and underwear.She said heck no.He said I'll tell mom dad and pa.she said k.So then he askes will u lay down.she said no way am i doing that.He said then I'll tell mom dad pa and ma.She said k.He asked will u let me lay on u.NO.then i'll tell my mom dad pa ma and ben.K.He started humping her when his parents walked in.His dad said Johnny make har happy.ok.johnny make her happy.Johnny stop! But u told me to make her happy.I tried

2006-08-02 22:17:05 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

MR: i can't take this anymore! MRS: honey, when we got married, i promised to stick with you for better or for worse. your problem is now OUR problem. so, what's OUR problem? MR: WE got our babysitter pregnant and WE are the father...

2006-08-02 22:08:50 · 14 answers · asked by c3dr1c 3

A preacher was asked to give a talk at a women's health symposium. His wife asked about his topic, but he was too embarrassed to admit that he had been asked to speak about sex. Thinking quickly, he replied, "I'm talking about sailing."
"Oh, that's nice," said his wife.
The next day, at the grocery store, a young woman who had attended the lecture recognized the minister's wife. "That was certainly an excellent talk your husband gave yesterday," she said. "He really has a unique perspective on the subject." Somewhat surprised, the minister's wife replied, "Gee, funny you should think so. I mean, he's only done it twice. The first time he threw up, and the second time, his hat blew off."



lol!

2006-08-02 22:04:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the funniest joke

2006-08-02 22:03:55 · 18 answers · asked by drummagirl 2

birdseeds then will I be able to grow birds ???

2006-08-02 21:55:02 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

one day in class this 3rd grade teacher said where gonna have a guessing game. so she pulled a paper bag out from under her desk. she put her hand in it and said its long and a lil hard and its a fruit does n e body kno wat it is. well lil jonny raised his hand and she didnt call on him cuz she knew he waz gonna say sumthin dirty. so she called on another kid they said banna she said rite. she pulled another paper bag out and reached in it. she said i have to round fruits in hear and there kinda big. once again lil jonny raised his hand she knew wat he waz thinkin so she called on sumone else. but before they cud answer lil jonny stud up and said he i have a guessin game for u. she said jonny sit down. he stuck his hand in his pocket and said its round hard and has a head on it. she said jonny u have a bad mind he said y it waz justa quater.

2006-08-02 21:54:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and woman was sh*gging then the man farted she said what was that he said sorry love i just let it out then he heard something he said did you just fart she said no sh*t it's my husband so he jumped out the window wearing nothing but his socks he ran off as quick as he could and he found this crowd everyone wearing numbers after 30 mins this bloke who he had been running with for 30 mins said don't mean to be ruin but where's your t-shirt he replie i like to feel the wind on my muscle then bloke said again don't mean to be ruin but where's your keys he replie i like to feel the wind on my b*m so the bloke said so what's with the condom he replie it was raining when i left

2006-08-02 21:48:33 · 8 answers · asked by xsarahx 2

A guy with a huge manhood has a lot of trouble trying to get a girl. When they see the size they make excuses and leave. So he thinks of a cunning plan, meets a hooker and asks her, "Do you mind if we do it my way?"
"What way is that?" she asks.
"Oh, I would just like you to wear a blindfold" he replies.
"Is that all? No problem let's go to my place," she said
They walk to her apartment. Whilst taking off their clothes he puts the blindfold on her.
"Why do you want me to wear a blindfold?" she asks.
"Because of my religion" he said.
"What religion is that?"
"I'm an agnostic," he says, getting on top of her.
"Hmmm an agnostic I've heard of those you're one of those people who doesn't believe in.....J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T"

2006-08-02 21:33:53 · 12 answers · asked by Pd 6

is dane cook the best i hear sum say hes not and sum say hes the best what do u tihnk

2006-08-02 21:27:56 · 11 answers · asked by ermaarthur@sbcglobal.net 3

What is greater than God, worse than the Devil, rich people need it, poor people have it, and if you eat it you will die?

2006-08-02 21:24:28 · 18 answers · asked by Miss J 1

2006-08-02 21:22:08 · 18 answers · asked by Miss D 7

MOM: so, how'd your first date go last night? DAUGHTER: it was great. i'm writing it down now on my diary. MOM: that's good. DAUGHTER: hey mom, what's the past tense of "VIRGIN"?

2006-08-02 21:21:30 · 7 answers · asked by c3dr1c 3

i need some realy cute sites that have quotes that are really cute nothing grown up though i give ten points

2006-08-02 21:07:52 · 7 answers · asked by confused 2

tell me your birthday. first one who has the same as mine gets 10 points. or just take 2 for playing

2006-08-02 21:02:50 · 38 answers · asked by girl19 1

A boy and a girl are talking.
"I'm a boy," says the one with black hair.
"I'm a girl, " says the one with red hair.

If at least one of them is lying, which is which?

2006-08-02 20:54:56 · 18 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

Nothing really mean or hurtful, just funny and memorable...

I already plan to change the language on the copier to Japanese.

2006-08-02 20:47:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you call 2 mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

I'm mexican so before you go reporting me know that. Gotta be able to laugh at things or life is no fun

2006-08-02 20:46:45 · 8 answers · asked by pokerkid80 1

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

2006-08-02 20:33:12 · 19 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

I wish i could Pinch your CHEEKS.....would u mind ???

2006-08-02 20:19:11 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.

2006-08-02 20:03:19 · 12 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

2006-08-02 20:01:31 · 13 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

KIDS IN CHURCH



3-year-old Reese:


"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,


Harold is His name.


Amen."

2006-08-02 19:49:48 · 14 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown."

Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor.

The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??"

In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown."

Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"

2006-08-02 19:47:08 · 9 answers · asked by Woody 3

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he's better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."



lol

2006-08-02 19:41:38 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

how abt the hotel al

2006-08-02 19:41:36 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous