Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-03 02:53:57 · 13 answers · asked by Maurice L 1

In Front of a Pop Machine

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine...

"You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future, either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button!" "I've got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!"

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

"What in the heck are you doing?" her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that reads... "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

2006-08-03 02:52:23 · 6 answers · asked by hinsdalesprit 3

What does that mean?

2006-08-03 02:49:57 · 8 answers · asked by rees274 2

I can't believe it! Mrs Pilkinton has only been on holiday for a day and already Hippo has had a wild party and has now disappeared (presumably he has skulked off somewhere to take a long hard look at himself and think about his behaviour)

Anyway, poor old Goose has been left all alone in the house and doesn't know what he's done to deserve it. Not even the thought of baking a cake can cheers him up this morning.

Should he go and find Hippo after all, they are supposed to be friends?

2006-08-03 02:45:54 · 4 answers · asked by markhatter 6

THIS GUY TAKES GIRLFRIEND TO A FOOTBALL GAME AND THE TEAMS COME OUT AND THE REFFERIE FLIPS A QUARTER TO SEE WHAT TEAM WENT FIRST AND AT THE GAME ENDED AND HIS GIRL FRIEND SAID WHEN DO THEY GET THE QUTER BACK

2006-08-03 02:37:10 · 10 answers · asked by hinsdalesprit 3

2006-08-03 02:37:06 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you had 3 apples and it was 2:37 pm, and your best friend called you long distance from uranus, what kind of candy bar would you by for your purple and green kangaroo and when would you have to go to the bathroom next?

2006-08-03 02:34:28 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4

and there is a woman already on it...the doors close and the elevator begins to move. The man turns to woman and says excuse me but can I smell your pu*ssy. The woman says to the man - you most certainly cannot! The man then replies - oh well then it must be your feet.


I know....a little on the crude side...but it cracks me up.

2006-08-03 02:25:42 · 14 answers · asked by drewwers 3

when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.
It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and he
drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another
sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are
for real....Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into
the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a
stone building with a small sign next to the door
reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is
answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,
"What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway,was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

The man is led through many winding passages and is
soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door
and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit,
holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun
instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go
through the large wooden door at the end of this
hallway."

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the
second nuns cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the
door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks
behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot,
facing another small sign:



GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.


SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

2006-08-03 02:08:30 · 17 answers · asked by Sherry Baby ( Ethan's Mama ) 6

(No offense to any blondes)

What does a U.F.O. and an intellegent blonde have in common?

You always hear about them... but you never see them!

2006-08-03 02:08:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

After all the drama of the last few days, Mrs Pilkinton has decided to take a holiday. She really deserves a little time away from Hippo and Goose and just wants to relax, read, swim and get totally off her nuts for a few days.

Goose and Hippo should be fine on their own for a few days shouldn't they?

2006-08-03 02:04:21 · 10 answers · asked by markhatter 6

2 deaf people are talking
man 1: "you're going fishing??"
man 2: "nooo, i'm going fishing"
man 1: "oooh, i thought you're going fishing"

shut up, you know that was funny

2006-08-03 01:58:09 · 55 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

a very stinky goat was brought into public and was kept in a really small room. it was said that any one who could enter that room with the goat for five minutes would get a prize. so the first man went and stayed for 2 minutes and came out. the second man went and stayed for 5 seconds and came out. the third man went and the goat came out. what do you think?:)

2006-08-03 01:57:05 · 15 answers · asked by Starnessa 1

Mrs Pilkinton is so angry because Goose has been selling all of Hippos toys on ebay! Even Hippos favourite pirate costume has been sold for £1.27 (plus postage and packing).

Goose thinks he's being very clever but he is in for a shock when he gets home. Mrs Pilkinton is about in the mood the beat him to within an inch of his life with a wooden spoon.

What should goose do?

2006-08-03 01:54:34 · 7 answers · asked by markhatter 6

Traditional answers to this question are an indicator of optimism / pessimism. I am looking for more light hearted answers. Responses along the line of 'The glass is supplied with the basic minimum required amount of liquid with additional space for future upgrades' (Computer Retailer) Did I mention you could also indicate your vocation?

2006-08-03 01:52:34 · 15 answers · asked by Aurthor D 4

I want long and funny ones. The one I find d funniest will get best answer.
I'm not intrested in vulger jokes.
txs

2006-08-03 01:49:34 · 9 answers · asked by well.theres.a.few 6

plus nothing that can get him wet or gooey or anything like that

2006-08-03 01:46:02 · 12 answers · asked by fan_of_metal_gear_solid_4_life 2

2006-08-03 01:43:45 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

gess???????????/

2006-08-03 01:30:55 · 13 answers · asked by misty 2

What hippo and goose are up to today?

2006-08-03 01:18:32 · 10 answers · asked by markhatter 6

diaper So Dangerous....is it a weapon of mass distruction ???

2006-08-03 01:15:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

i mean good ones that will make your nice friend laugh. :))

2006-08-03 01:12:40 · 5 answers · asked by Starnessa 1

Q: - What’s your name Please?
A: - Abdulaziz Abdullah Mohammed.
Q: - Nationality?
A: - @@@@
Q: - Sex?
A: - 4 - 5 times a day.
Q: - No, I mean, Male or Female?
A: - Doesn’t matter. Sometimes even a camel

2006-08-03 00:57:59 · 13 answers · asked by Cool Z 5

2006-08-03 00:49:59 · 11 answers · asked by Bilko 2

(a)letterwhich can fly
(b)letterwhich is the coolest
(c)letter which can fly
(d)letter which can see
(e)letter used for exclamatin?
(f)letter which is a vegetable?
(g)letter in which we have to wait?
(h)letter which is a drink?

2006-08-03 00:40:08 · 7 answers · asked by aswitha v 1

For being outstanding in his field!

2006-08-03 00:08:48 · 18 answers · asked by spens dad! 2

On a crowded train a war weary U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle. The Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
The Marine didn't say a word, he picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out of the window."

2006-08-03 00:02:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

any good quotes? like In every girls life there is a guy she will never forget and a summer where it all began! or "A man without a woman is like a vase without flowers. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." ??? or went from candy and toys to cell phones and boys. lol best one get 10 points

2006-08-02 23:51:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-02 23:38:59 · 22 answers · asked by nannacrocodiles 3

2006-08-02 23:34:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous