Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-11 17:15:17 · 11 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

There's an article going around myspace about incoming freshmen.
It's telling them that they are losers, no matter what they do, and they should get over it. If anyone knows what I'm talkin about, plz send it to me at bogutmonster@yahoo.com.

2006-08-11 17:11:07 · 4 answers · asked by Jon 4

2006-08-11 17:10:37 · 17 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

2006-08-11 17:06:24 · 16 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

You are on a plane that crashes in a forest and you are one of the plane's survivors. You are immediately captured by the indigenous people of the land. You are brought to the "leader" of the indigenous people, who tells you, "You must make one statement: if the statement is true, we will kill you by cutting your throat, if the statement is false, we will kill you by hanging." What do you say that makes the "leader" set you free unharmed?

2006-08-11 16:53:21 · 12 answers · asked by NoJediMindTricks 1

my mother told me this one 30 years ago! 10 points to whoever gets close or know the answer

2006-08-11 16:31:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 16:07:33 · 12 answers · asked by bianca b 1

The bartender said, "Hey Fred, what are you doing with that long screwdriver?"
"Well, I was down at the beach fishing, and this brass lamp washed ashore, so I started rubbing the lamp, and a genie appeared. He said he would give me one wish and one wish only. So, I wished I had a 12 inch tool."

2006-08-11 16:01:01 · 9 answers · asked by opjames 4

"You've got a touch of pneumonia," said the medical officer after examining the new enlistee.

"Are you sure, sir?" queried one worried man. "I have known people in civvy street to be told they have pneumonia but then to die of something quite different."

"You are not in civil life, Samson. You're in the Army!" thundered the medical officer. "And if you get treated in the Army for pneumonia, you die of pneumonia."

2006-08-11 15:58:23 · 17 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A slightly modified list of types of humor from wikipedia
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dark humour
Caustic humour
Droll
Dry humour
Non-sequitur
Obscenity
Parody
Random humour
Ridicule, such as the Darwin Awards
Sarcasm
Satire
Self-irony
Self-ridicule, such as Rodney Dangerfield's self-deprecating humour
Wit, as in many one-liner jokes



Anti-humour
Deadpan
Form-versus-content humour
Slapstick
Surreal humour or absurdity
Practical joke

2006-08-11 15:44:21 · 32 answers · asked by Bob 3

I have a project where we must publicly perform something that we normally do in private... I can't think of anything funny or entertaining to do. Please tell me what you think i should do.

2006-08-11 15:33:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 15:32:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 15:16:27 · 1 answers · asked by vijayalaya c 1

Does any body have any funny bumper sticker sayings? I need a laugh.

2006-08-11 15:15:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 15:12:32 · 12 answers · asked by redbra24 2

Add your own funny ending here.

You know. like Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be A Redneck.

2006-08-11 15:05:21 · 29 answers · asked by February Rain 4

why do we drive on parkways but park in driveways

2006-08-11 14:59:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

If someone can tell me this whole saying i would be very thankful it has been driving me nuts since i seen it on tv the other day!!!

2006-08-11 14:55:04 · 15 answers · asked by danielle f 1

If you do, you can write the solution backwards.

Example: It took two hours for two men to dig a hole five feet deep. How deep would it have been if ten men had dug the hole for two hours? (from wikipedia)

2006-08-11 14:30:12 · 6 answers · asked by Bob 3

I pass the ball to Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton chucks the ball to Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton tosses the ball to Oprah. Oprah throws it back to Paris. Paris throws the ball to ACDC. ACDC pass the ball to me. I chuck the ball at Justin Timberlake. Justin tosses it to yout mother. Who has the ball now?

2006-08-11 14:15:57 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did I make you say (think) underwear?

2006-08-11 14:11:14 · 16 answers · asked by crazygreeniis 3

When the music's over you must fight for your right to lively up yourself. A lady cab driver told me that all the critics love you in New York but it can be a rotton apple, sometimes.

2006-08-11 14:10:31 · 5 answers · asked by ♥Saffron♥Daydream♥ 3

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.. He headed down the hall, still dragging the squashed frog.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.

In the morning after Dad's gone to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my FROG.

2006-08-11 14:07:22 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Rest In Peace
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather
than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, Congratulations on your new location.'"

2006-08-11 14:01:47 · 12 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

..........THIS BLONDE KNOWS FOOTBALL....................







Football FINALLY makes sense to this blonde.



A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.



"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."



Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"





"Well they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like......



Helloooooo?.... It's only 25 cents!!!!

2006-08-11 14:00:38 · 16 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

they pick they're nose!

2006-08-11 14:00:33 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Never Argue with a Woman
> >> > One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing
> >>and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the
> >>wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
> >>anchors, and reads her book.
> >> >
> >> > Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
> >>woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
> >> >
> >> > "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
> >> >
> >> > "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
> >> >
> >> > "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
> >> >
> >> > "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
> >>start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
> >> >
> >> > "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
> >>says the woman.
> >> >
> >> > "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
> >> >
> >> > "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
> >>could start at any moment."
> >> >
> >> > "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
> >> >
> >> > MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can
> >>also think.

2006-08-11 13:56:56 · 13 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

...such as Johnny Dark, if you know who that is, Christopher Titus, and Robert Smigel.

2006-08-11 13:52:13 · 3 answers · asked by Bob 3

if he is gay...can he give you a straight answer?

2006-08-11 13:46:14 · 8 answers · asked by Cap'n Donna 7

If someone says im tired of eating SOS what does it mean??

2006-08-11 13:26:54 · 9 answers · asked by Cute butterfly 2