Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

like, when people ask what should i do when my dog steard at me and stuff like that.

2006-08-12 00:11:08 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 00:09:33 · 56 answers · asked by GTX 1

2006-08-12 00:08:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1- The G G B
2- 34 T in a M
3- 4 S of a A
4- 1760 Y in a M
5- S is the B of a W P
6- 2 W of a B
7- the U J
8- 4 Q in a G
9- P lives in C
10- F is the M B M
11- W of the W
12- 128 L of the C A
13- the B A W
14- 0.45 K in a P
15- 192 C in the W
16- 31536000 S in a Y
17- B W I
18- J P 3
19- 1024 B in a K
20- 5 O of the W
21- 2 W of a B
22- 2.54 C in a I
23- The W H
24- 6 P in a V T
25- 28.35 G in an O
26- B I S
27- 1001 N S
28- 600 M in a H B
29- A is the F P L on the M
30- G P S
31- N's L of M
32- 1 W C E 4 Y

2006-08-12 00:04:03 · 15 answers · asked by sweetie 5

just follow the link:

http://img28.photobucket.com/albums/v85/m_meenaks/manmohan_singh.jpg

plz dont take seriously, and start scolding me, this is for fun.

2006-08-12 00:00:16 · 7 answers · asked by khushi 2

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'

2006-08-11 23:20:04 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says 'sir can I get you a martini 'Descartes says 'I don't think...' and he disappears

2006-08-11 23:19:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

"The Stark Naked Banner"

2006-08-11 23:19:06 · 6 answers · asked by opjames 4

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?




















To get to the same side.

...


Come on, I know you know it's funny!

2006-08-11 23:18:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A psychologist makes an experiment with a mathematician and a physicist. He puts a good-looking, naked woman in a bed in one corner of the room and the mathematician on a chair in another one, and tells him: 'I´ll half the distance between you and the woman every five minutes, and you´re not allowed to stand up.' the mathematician runs away, yelling: 'in that case, I´ll never get to this woman!'. After that, the psychologist takes the physicist and tells him the plan. The physicist starts grinning. the psychologist asks him: 'but you´ll never get to this woman?', the physicists tells him: 'sure, but for all practical things this is a good approximation.'

2006-08-11 23:17:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 23:16:44 · 5 answers · asked by gorillaguth 3

lol...

2006-08-11 23:13:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 23:01:42 · 8 answers · asked by James Dean 3

...... what do you think the tribals will think of these things found in archeological excavation...

1- A Computer.
2- A CD.
3- A mobile phone
4- A baseball bat
5- Any other items of your choice?

Have fun!
And if you don't get the question, my bad!

2006-08-11 22:56:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A friend Was telling me about a guy that she wasn't very happy with and she said "I wouldn't trust him with a ten foot pole!"

2006-08-11 22:54:30 · 12 answers · asked by spackler 6

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver , BC.



The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck do form a very menacing presence.



As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified and includes members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.



An on board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.



The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense - but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada . The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs, the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.

It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World".



The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J Clintion when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken!

2006-08-11 22:52:35 · 5 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the
play ground and go into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and
Aunt Jane in a"Passionate Embrace."

Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.... "MOMMYMOMMY, IWASATTHEPLAYGROUNDANDDADDYAND.."
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy.."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

2006-08-11 22:46:07 · 7 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

2006-08-11 22:38:24 · 4 answers · asked by spackler 6

gemini cancer those signs

2006-08-11 22:37:32 · 14 answers · asked by *justaboyluver* 1

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlightaround, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a
CD player to place In his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."



He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight
off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he Shook
his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score,
then clicked the light on and began searching for more
valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could
disconnect the wires, clear as a bell

he heard, "Jesus is watching you."



Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of
the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.



"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot



"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just
trying to warn you."



The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, Huh? who in the world are
you?"



"Moses," replied the bird.



"Moses?" the Burglar laughed .. "What kind of people
would name a bird Moses?"



The Parrot replied "The kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus."

2006-08-11 22:34:48 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

By the year 2080, every man, woman and child will have been adopted by Angelina Jolie at least once.

2006-08-11 22:17:19 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

Angelina Jolie is really Vince Vaughn in drag, which is why you never see them together.

2006-08-11 22:15:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 - her eyes
2 - her hair
3 - her teeth
4 - her rubber body-stocking
5 - her hands
6 - your shoes
7 - her husband
8 - anything else

2006-08-11 22:13:03 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

The more there is of it, the less you see it...

*riddle*..:)

2006-08-11 22:10:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school.
"Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet
today, and all the other kids could only say it to D,
but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today,
and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests,
but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde? "No honey, its b-cos y're 25"

2006-08-11 22:07:34 · 7 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
I worship the quicksand he walks in.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy's eyes.

(lady) "Mr. Chrurchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee!"
(Churchill) "Ma'am, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

2006-08-11 21:59:51 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-11 21:47:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.

He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck . If he wants intercourse, don't resist, just do what he tells you! This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very attractive, and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."

2006-08-11 21:40:04 · 9 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

what are they catching? dont take it too seriously, just kidding.

http://specials.rediff.com/cricket/2006/jan/13sld7.jpg

2006-08-11 20:59:54 · 9 answers · asked by khushi 2

Blame It On Adam

December 8th, 1999 (No. 100)
AskMen.com Rates This Joke: 8/10


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One day Adam was walking in the Garden of Eden. He let out a big sigh and God appeared:
God: What is wrong Adam?

Adam: I'm lonely God.

God: Lonely? Why?

Adam: Well, everything is great, but there isn't anyone to talk to.

God: Hmmm...(thinks a moment) I'll make you a companion. I'll make a woman!

Adam: A What!?

God: A woman. It will be the most sensative, caring, loving creature I'll ever make. It will know your every need and want, and perform them before you have to ask.

Adam: Well what will it cost me?

God: Your right eye, your left leg, all your hair, one testicle, and 6 toes.

Adam thinks for a moment...

Adam: Well that's a little too expensive for my budget,what can I get for one RIB? the rest is history...

2006-08-11 20:50:14 · 20 answers · asked by chapped lips 5