Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

man goes on a holiday to africa. (jungle) he eats everything & in no time he is full and needs to use the toilet he goes searchin for a toilet and all he finds is this ugly toilet which is just a bowl and wooden sticks surrounding it. he does not have a choice so he goes in and puts out the most stinky, discusting, filthy thing you ever saw or smell. anyway he looks around for toilet paper and finds none. he looks up and there is a sign that says: clean youself with your hand and then put your hand in the slot below and your hand will be clean by a human tongue. yuk he thought my hand will be clean by human tongue. he had no choice so he started cleaning himself with his hand. he got it in his fingernails, between his fingers. ok he finished so slowly he puts his hand in the slot and waits........then BANNG some1 hit him with a stick on his fingers. ouch he cries out as he takes his hand away and puts it in his mouth. OUCH OUCH IT HURTS

2006-08-12 07:45:35 · 13 answers · asked by delmore 2

If u are running a race, and u overtake the 2nd place runner, which place r u? And if u overtake the last runner, which place r u? answer within 2 min.

2006-08-12 07:22:29 · 9 answers · asked by khushi 2

http://subliminalmessages.com/lifeinsurance36.htm

2006-08-12 07:22:04 · 6 answers · asked by looneytoon387 2

This is a lateral thinking puzzle from a book by Paul Sloane and Des MacHale:

Why has no one climed the largest known extinct volcano?

2006-08-12 07:13:25 · 14 answers · asked by Bob 3

2006-08-12 07:08:59 · 9 answers · asked by pumaD 2

It is not a newspaper.

2006-08-12 06:55:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The phone rings.
The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Lab. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.
"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimers disease & the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

2006-08-12 06:55:31 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

I need to laugh!

2006-08-12 06:52:48 · 22 answers · asked by zd_sr1 2

1) What kind of women have two hearts? Why?

2.) What the only US state with only one syllable?

3.) What odd number when beheaded becomes even? Why?

Answer all 3 riddles to be selected as best answer. Given reasons to why you answered the questions with the "why" on them.

2006-08-12 06:51:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

does anybody kno any long jokes, i dont really like da yo momma, or knock knock wateva jokes, whoeva has the best joke gets da best answer

2006-08-12 06:20:35 · 8 answers · asked by lora l 1

2006-08-12 06:19:47 · 13 answers · asked by booboo 1

are you _____gry now? lol i dont even know the answer to this lol

2006-08-12 06:11:24 · 11 answers · asked by viazzz 2

2006-08-12 06:09:45 · 14 answers · asked by Jim H 1

ThE WoRlD's HaRdEsT RiDdLe

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champagne bubble.
If you squeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the correct answer? Just repost this bulletin with the title "The World's Hardest Riddle", and then check your inbox. You'll get a message with the correct answer in it. Good luck

2006-08-12 06:03:39 · 12 answers · asked by KrisT 1

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

It doesn't have to an actor or actress.

2006-08-12 06:01:56 · 25 answers · asked by vwallwood 3

2006-08-12 05:59:08 · 13 answers · asked by shy 2

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth & noticed that she was little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No."
"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up With a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to Hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right Onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the Big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."
And she didn't laugh a bit!!!
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her Teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and Exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

2006-08-12 05:38:28 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

one day ther was three people one of them was amcan the and one of the was from iraq and one of them were from kurdstan the they whant on a airplan amcan said were in amca they siad how do you no my hand is thang the building the one from iraq said were in iraq they siad how do you no my hand is sweting is too hot the last one siad were in kurdstan the siad how do you no i hand a clock on my hand and some one tock it

2006-08-12 05:27:16 · 16 answers · asked by hivi f 2

A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

2006-08-12 05:20:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

calls her boyfriend over to help her, "it's a picture of a tiger" she says, he looks at her and replies " darling, just put the Frosties back in the box"

2006-08-12 05:19:45 · 20 answers · asked by button mushroom 3

With pointed fangs it sits in wait,
With piercing force its doles out fate,
Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might,
Eternally joining in a single bite.

2006-08-12 05:14:21 · 24 answers · asked by maidenrocks 3

can any one elaborate on this please

2006-08-12 05:13:18 · 12 answers · asked by SWEETIE 1

thanks btw: any category of jokes

2006-08-12 05:05:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

These three friends went on vacation together. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I just watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," He said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

2006-08-12 04:58:42 · 12 answers · asked by Truth hurts 3

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred
chickens to begin with.

A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens
because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens
for the second lot had also died.

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think...
....
...
...
I'm
planting them too deep.'

2006-08-12 04:52:07 · 22 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-08-12 04:40:37 · 20 answers · asked by DrPepper 6

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
>>church's
>>morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business.
>>Several
>>members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but
>>feared
>>her enough to maintain their silence.
>>
>>She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member,
>>of
>>being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of
>>the
>>town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and
>>several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he
>>was
>>doing.
>>
>>George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
>>turned
>>and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said
>>nothing.
>>
>>Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
>>Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night
>>

2006-08-12 04:39:59 · 12 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

There's a one story house that's all blue inside. The floor was blue, the lamps were blue,the walls were blue,everything was blue. So what color were the interior stairs?

2006-08-12 04:39:55 · 9 answers · asked by julie r 1

What word looks the same upside down and backwards?

2006-08-12 04:35:59 · 19 answers · asked by julie r 1

2006-08-12 04:34:43 · 7 answers · asked by mka1369 2